MOTHER: THE ABUSER WAS ABUSED HERSELF

Today, Ann reflects upon the abuse her mother suffered as a girl and her new relationship with Charles Albert.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 19...HELL

My mother, ONE bless her soul, had had a hard life. She was the second girl and when she was born, and the midwife told my grandfather that he had had another girl, he went into grandma's bedroom, grabbed mother and threw her into a snow bank. She was quickly rescued, but she was not noticed by her father from that day on. Of course, she adored her father and never had her adoration returned.

Grandfather and grandmother went on to have six children, three girls and three boys, but soon after the youngest boy was born, they got a divorce. It was never discussed what caused the divorce, but I believe it was a fact that a horse had kicked him in the head and he had turned mean. Anyway, divorce was very rare in Minnesota in the early 1900's and my grandmother never got over the shame. The older girls had to help in the house and then they took in laundry and scrubbed floors for their neighbors.

Mother studied hard and worked hard, and then when she was done working she was soundly beaten by her mother. That just made mother stronger and more determined to make something of her life and to have the beautiful things she dreamed of. At the time, there were only a few jobs that women could have, and that was teaching, nursing, or being a housewife. Mother chose nursing and graduated from Fergus Falls Nursing College in the early 1930's. Mom was an early feminist and was determined that she was going to own property in her own name one day. After graduation a group of the girls got into an old tin lizzy and came across country to San Diego where they wanted to work. They had many adventures as women didn't travel alone in those days, because for part of the way there were no real roads and you had to trek over open country; but they made it safely to their destination. I was very proud of her. She was the best nurse possible. Her patients loved her, particularly one young man in the Coronado Hospital who fell in love with her at first sight. He ended up marrying her, but he had to join the Brethren Church first, and become very religious. Of course, that was daddy. They married on August 15, 1940.

Christmas was mother's favorite time of the year and she really made the home beautiful and cooked and baked so many goodies for us. I remember that her fruit cakes were so scrumptious that Charley and I used to sneak pieces all day long. One thing about Christmas that was the best thing for Charley and I, was that on Christmas we never got spanked or punished.

The Christmas of 1961 was no exception. The house shone and the ornaments glowed red, gold, green, blue, and silver. Candles reflected off of rosewood, and the table was decorated in the best linen, crystal, china, and silver. I would just sit and stare at it.

Well, Charles Albert had family in San Diego at the time; his Grandma Vivian, and his Uncle Dale and Aunt Glendora. Mother had me invite them over to dinner for Christmas. It was a wonderful day as we announced our engagement, and daddy cooked the dinner. Charles' had a wonderful family. I fell in love with them all, and they gave me their stamp of approval for me to belong to their family.

Charles was something else. He had been overseas in the Pacific Ocean to Japan and the Phillippines, and he had gained much worldly knowledge and experience in the arena of sex. He bragged to me of his conquests and then turned his skills onto me. I folded quickly and was seduced by his passion. To his credit, he immediately asked me to marry him and I said yes. Sex turned out to be fantastic, and it lasted that way for me for exactly two months.

Charles had to go overseas for six months shortly after Christmas that year. I missed him terribly, but soon smething else would take over my mind; I thought that I was pregnant. I had no idea what the signs of being pregnant were, but I had missed my period and I was scared to death. What would I tell my mother? She would kill me, maybe literally, if she thought I had had sex. So I did what I had read about in some sleazy magazine, or overheard at school (I was still in High School).

I got a wire clothes hanger and straightened it out. Then I lay down on my mother's bed and stuck the wire up my private part. I stabbed around for a while, trying to abort the child, but then I realized that I had no idea of what I was doing. I didn't know what the parts of my personal parts were, or where they lay. I had no idea of the names of the parts, and no idea where a baby would be in those parts, so I took the wire out of me, folded it up and threw it away. Then I got down on my knees and prayed for forgiveness, and prayed that somehow I wouldn't be pregnant.

The next morning my period started. I was so happy. I thanked ONE and thanked ONE, then I sat down and wrote Charles a letter. Several weeks later I got a letter from Charles saying how stupid I was, and offering no comfort at all.

The Swirley Kream folded. Mom and dad owed thousands of dollars to creditors. They refused to go bankrupt, so daddy found a chef's job out of town, and mother worked as a nurse and went to work at a real estate office while she went to school to get a real estate broker's license.


Tomorrow Ann runs away from home and then marries Charles Albert...

ANN IS MOLESTED BY A WRESTLER, BUT FIGHTS BACK

Today we see Ann in harms way, and then her fight against a giant force. This is definitely R-rated and is the last day of such personal struggles for Ann. Thank you for bearing with us.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 18...HELL

He (Harold "Tiny" M.) kept trying to touch my breasts and kiss me at the same time, and I wriggled and squirmed and tried to scream, but there was too much material and body and arms and hands all over. I couldn't breathe; I tried to punch him, but he just laughed. I guess he thought I was playing a game with him and he just kept pulling and tearing at me and my clothes. I caught a breath and yelled at him to stop and leave me alone. He just laughed again and said that girls were always trying to tease a guy and pretend they didn't like his action. Then he had me against the left rear door of his car and he just reached down and ripped my underwear off. I started to scream and beat him with the one hand that had gotten loose. He started getting angry and began to press himself into me. I dug in my heels and slid my body up the window until my neck reached the roof of the car and then my head was free and I started to scream at the top of my lungs.

In a split second he jerked me flat down onto the car seat and put his hand over my mouth. Then he tried to enter me with all the strength that he had. I was a virgin and too small for his body and he could not make progress. After an intense struggle, he suddenly gave up, cursed, and said, "You really are a virgin, aren't you?" I just glared at him. Then he sat up and told me that now that I had been a bad girl and not helped him, I would have to watch him finish off, which he proceeded to do by hand.

I can't even begin to tell you what I felt then, what I feel even today as I write this: dirty; very dirty, and worthless and ugly. And if you were with me this moment I could not look you in the eyes. Maybe I have to stop writing for a moment.

He took me home and insisted that I was going to go on a date with him again. I didn't answer him, I just dragged myself into the house and hid in my bedroom. No one was home, Charley and dad were at the restaurant working, and mom was at the hospital with a patient. I prayed and thanked ONE for getting me out of his car without being hurt.

When Charley got home I went to his room and told him what had happened. Charley said that when we weren't working at the restaurant, and were home alone, that he would call in his friends and they would protect me. Charley was always there for me.

Anyway, time passed, as it seems to do no matter what happens, and finally Harold stopped calling and driving by the house, and eventually he just went away.

Well, that leaves a bad taste in my brain and heart so let's change the subject for a moment to something happier.

I met Charles Albert at the Swirley Kreme about two weeks later. He had come up the boulevard looking for a car to buy and he stopped into the restaurant for a bite to eat. It was love at first hamburger. Charles was so handsome and he was dressed in the forbidden Navy uniform. We couldn't keep our eyes off of each other, but the mother quotient factored in. You see, San Diego was a sleepy little Navy town and all of us girls were given strict instructions not to look at, and definitely not to talk to, anyone in uniform. However, such a stricture just made us look at them more; and with more longing to see what they were all about. Charles Albert had everything; looks, brains, a steady job, and, he was buying a car.


Tomorrow, a story of my mother's deprivations as a child, and an attempted abortion.

THE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER ATTACKS

Today we have another tough story that is very R-rated. Thank you for your constant support.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 18...HELL

Professional wrestling was very popular when I was a young teenager. San Diego had one of the oldest and biggest arenas and all the famous wrestlers would have wrestling matches there.

It was a time when my parents had bought a small restaurant which they called the Swirley Kreme, home of the world-famous hamburgers. The restaurant was on El Cajon Boulevard in San Diego. Boy, did my parents fight over that restaurant. Mom had insisted on buying it for a family venture that someday would belong to Charley and me. Daddy had a fit because he was a top rated Chef in fancy restaurants and big resorts, and he had no desire to flip burgers in a little juke joint. Mom insisted that he give it a try because she saw a future in small burger drive-ins. MacDonalds was as yet unheard of, and soft ice cream was a new fad, so mom thought the restautrant could make us a lot of money. It was another thing for Charley and I to hate because we would have to work there for free (there was a promise that one day we would own the place) every day after school, and on weekends and holidays. This was on top of having to keep the house clean, and doing the laundry, and of course keeping up with homework.

Mom hired a bunch of kids from the High School to work in the restaurant and this galled Charley and I to no end. So what we did, was just pocket money from some people's orders and pay our own selves. It was a very hard time in life. The one bright spot in my life was Herbert Waldo; we had been going steady for four years and he was the nicest, kindest boy in the whole world. He would come to the restaurant and help out in order to see me. We had met in the Brethren Church and we went to all the youth functions together.

So anyway, here we were, making the best hamburgers in the world-quarter pounders with special sauce, lettuce, tomatoes, onions and pickles-and selling them for 15 cents apiece, when in walked these huge men wo turned out to be professional wrestlers and their managers. I waited on them and then went back and told daddy that they were out there. Well, daddy practically flew out front and introduced himself. It seemed that daddy liked to bet on wrestling also.

The men ended up spending two hours in the restaurant, and there was one huge wrestler named Harold "Tiny" M. He seemed taken with me and I was flattered. He told me that he could bring Gorgeous George and Mister Moto into the restaurant to meet me, if I would just go out with him once. Daddy said, sure that would be all right. Harold was over seven feet tall and weighed 300 pounds. Herbert was quite incensed, as he had a right to be, and Harold stood up and had Herbert stand up next to him; Herbert was a big young man, but he wasn't as big as Harold.

I was taken in with all the hoopla and this hurt Herbert a great deal, we never got our relationship straightened up afterward and that was too bad because I really needed Herbert's steadiness at that time of my life. Anyway, Harold was as good as his word and I got to meet Mr. Moto and Gorgeous George. So Harold asked dad if he could take me home that night, and dad said yes.

We got ionto this big fancy car and I was in awe of this big wrestler. Home was only about five miles away, and I expected to go straight there so I relaxed to enjoy this small treat.

Well, in about two miles, Harold pulled the car over. It was a very dark night and the neighborhood was one where people had walls or terraces hiding their front entrances. I started getting a little uncomfortable when Harold laughed and picked me up and set me down in the back seat of the car. He said that we needed to talk seriously because he would like to marry me, then he got out of the front seat and came around to sit in the back. At first he started telling me what he could give me for a life; he had a lot of money and was becoming famous as a wrestler, but then he started to get handsy.


Tomorrow we find Ann in a perilous situation; will she be raped?

ANN SUFFERS AT THE HANDS OF ERNEST & THE POLICE

Today Ann struggles with growing up and an assault by Ernest; she is placed in jail and rescued by her favorite aunt. 

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 18.

Meanwhile, my mother had me on the phone and told me to hang up and go with the police when they found me, then she got off the line and called the police and told them where they could find me. About ten minutes later a police detective came up to me and showed me his badge and asked me if I knew how many people had been looking for me. Then he placed me in his police car and took me to Juvenile Hall. He didn'r put me in a cell, but had me sit in front of another detective. I sat in this chair and the detective never spoke to me, he just sat there and watched me, so I began to read my little Bible again. Suddenly he spoke, "so you ran away from home?"

"No I didn't," I said. "I am going to get married. My fiance is waiting for me at the Tijuana Race Track."

"No, you didn't run away from home, you just ran away from home to get married," the detective said. Then he was silent again. Just sat there and stared at me. He looked mad. Finally he spoke again, "you are real lucky we don't lock you up right now, but you have an uncle and an aunt who want to come and get you. Will you go with them?"

My uncle David and aunt Fanny were coming for me; I was overjoyed. They were my daddy's brother and his wife, and I loved them. After about two hours they came and rescued me from the mean detective.

I adored my aunt Fannie. She could read the situation and knew how my mother treated Charley and me. She told me that I could live with them forever if I wanted, that I never needed to talk to my mother again, or ever see her. Then she told me to take a bath and get ready for bed. I was in the tub, playing with this rubber ducky they had, when I heard my aunt on the phone to my mother telling her that I was not going to talk to her anymore, or see her again, if she had her way. I guess she shut my mother up. I know I slept well that night. In the morning aunt Fannie asked me to tell her what was going on, I loved this aunt and had always wanted her to be my mother, so I told her the story of Ernest and how I was going to marry him. Aunt Fannie told me to wait for a few years first and I agreed with her. I would have done anything for her.

Eventually, mother finally came and took me home, but aunt Fannie told her she'd better not beat me over this incident and my mother didn't. The police in Santa Barbara had me come into their office and speak to a counselor they had. The counselor told me not to feel afraid, that no one would spank me for talking to her. She asked me if Charley and I were ever beaten, or hurt in any other way. I, of course, knew that no one could stop my mother, so I lied repeatedly and said that my mother never hurt us or spanked us. The counselor talked to my mother then, I don't know what she said, but the upshot was that I was sent to live with Charley and my daddy in Warner Hot Springs-a resort my daddy was the chef at.

It was great living at Warner's. Charley and I went to an Indian school, we were on a reservation, and we had a year of Catholic Catechism as part of our instruction. I decided that I loved the Catholic Church, but my parents wouldn't let me be re-baptized. Anyway, eventually, Charley and I wound up at the Tijuana Race Track again, this time with dad. And yes, I immediately went looking for Ernest.

I found Ernest in a deserted part of the track. He was mad at me for getting him in trouble, but he took me in his arms and kissed me. He was rough, and then he put his hand up my skirts and touched my private parts. I got sick to my stomach and vomited. He ran away as fast as he could, and that was the end of that experience. I hated going to the tracks from that time on. I never told anyone.

In the 1950's there was not much said about sex, or how babies were born, and my mother would never talk to me about it. I never knew I would have a period and was frightened when I saw blood in my panties for the first time. I ran to my mother and asked her if I were dying. She got real angry and said, "didn't I have a box of napkins?" I didn't know what a box of napkins was. I thought napkins were for dinner tables. She went in her room and got me a box she had put up for me and came to my room, threw it at me, and said, "Figure out how to use them." Well I did my best, I scotch-taped the napkin to myself. It worked, but hurt.

You see, I had this lack of information problem. I thought that when two people got married, they went into their bedroom, sat in chairs facing one another, something hapened, and then the woman had a baby. I was seventeen and soon to know the truth about sex.


Tomorrow Ann meets a professional wrestler and is raped by him...

ANN IS PREYED UPON BY A JOCKEY AT 11 YEARS OLD

Today's story is aout Ann and how she got into trouble at Caliente Race Track in Tijuana, Mexico  at the age of 11. It is another harsh story that will be addressed both today and tomorrow. Thank you for hanging in here with me.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & HELL, Chapter 18...   

In 1956 we lived in Santa Barbara, and daddy lived at Warner Hot Springs in San Diego County. Every Saturday my mother took my brother and me to Caliente Race Track in Tijuana, Mexico so she could play the horses. It was a lot of fun for Charley and I as mother never kept track of us. I loved the horses and had a crush on all of the jockeys; Charley loved the freedom to roam, so he would go off on his adventures and I would go to the paddock to watch the horses, or I would walk around and observe people. I love to people watch. I was a big 11 years old and Charley was nine.

One of the things I observed was the Mexican people. I was fascinated by the obvious love of family that they had and also how important education for their children was. Wherever there was a father or mother working, the children were with them helping. They were beautiful people, and very kind and loving. I wished often that I could go home with them.

One day I was by the fence watching a horse race when I heard a voice telling me, "You are so beautiful." I quickly turned around and was gazing at the face of a small Mexican man. He was so handsome. He told me that his name was Ernest Nahera and that he was a jockey. He told me many, many compliments and I immediately fell in crush. For the next several months I prayed that mom would want to go to the races; she almost always did. As soon as I got to the race track I would hunt down Ernest, or would find that Ernest was looking for me. It was so exciting! So heady that a jockey loved me, and Ernest assured me that he did love me and wanted to marry me. The only drawback to this budding romance was that Charley always seemed to be hanging around watching me. I told him to get lost, and he appeared to. Ernest would kiss and hug me. He told me that he was 26 and wanted to get married right away. He asked me to run away and come to Tijuana and marry him.

One day he asked me if I would like to go back to the stables and visit the horses; boy, did I ever! He said to wait for him in this particular parking lot and he would go to get his car. When he drove up I was about to get into his car when suddenly Charley appeared and challenged the man. Charley said that I wasn't going to go anywhere unless he went with us, and he asked Ernest if he knew that I was only 11 years old. I spoke up and said, "But I'm almost 12." Ernest looked angry, but he took both Charley and I back to see the stables. It was a quick trip.

The months passed and I reveled in the thought that a grown man-a jockey-loved me. I fantasized about running away and marrying him. One day my mother's beatings were particularly painful and I thought, boy I don't have to take this anymore; I'll run away.

That night I stole a ten dollar bill from mother's purse and hid it. The next morning I took the ten dollars, my little purse, and a small Bible and ran away from home. I went to the Santa Barbara train station and bought a ticket for six dollars to go to Los Angeles. I didn't have enough money to get a ticket to San Diego, but I figured that God would provide. I planned to get to the San Diego train station and then walk the rest of the way to Tijuana and then to the race track. I didn't take into account the 30 mile walk, how I would get over the border once I got there, and the little problem of food to eat. As I waited in the Santa Barbara train station a group of nuns arrived there and I went and sat by them for protection. They made me feel safe even though they were not aware of me. I sat there for hours reading my little Bible and dreaming of a happy future. Finally the train arrived and I was off for Los Angeles. I arrived at the Los Angeles train station about 5:00 p.m. It was so huge. I had no idea where to go next, and I was so hungry. I folded inside and took the change I had and went to a phone and called my mother for help.

While I had been at the train station and on the train from Santa Barbara to Los Angeles, my mom had been going crazy with worry. I had never done such a thing before. Charley had been living with dad for a while so he couldn't tell her about Ernest, but when my mother called dad for help, my brother told dad the story of Ernest. Suddenly the California Police were out in force looking for me. They were watching all the train and bus stations. An international problem brewed when dad told the police about Ernest and the police had dad and Charley go to Tijuana and meet the Mexican Police at the race track. Daddy and the police found Ernest and Charley identified him, but Ernest knew nothing about my coming, so the police didn't put him in jail.


Tomorrow, Ann is found safe but months later she meets Ernest again and problems insued...

ANN MEETS THE BOOGEYMAN

This chapter, which will take three days to write, is definetly "R" rated and deals with a very difficult subject from the viewpoint of the child. It is not easy reading and I caution you that it is explicit. It is true and no punches are pulled. I include this story because it impacted Ann's entire life.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 18...(HELL)   

My pastor used to say the oddest things. He said that ONE would never let a man go to the moon, that we were all and forever, Earthbound. He said that television was a sin and that ONE would destroy the people who made television. Also dancing was a sin; and makeup; and earrings; and boys would always lead you astray. I hadn't a clue as to what he was saying, but all the negatives didn't sound like the ONE I knew, so I tuned him out. The pastor asked us how we knew that ONE loved us. I said because you could feel him loving you in your heart. The pastor said the way we knew was because it said so in the Bible. I wondered if he had ever heard ONE telling him that He loved him in his heart, and if not, why was he a preacher at all. As I've said, I have always been a rebel.

Since we moved so much, I couldn't go to the Brethren Church, so instead I spent most of my youth in the Baptist Church and going to Youth for Christ. I taught Sunday School to the little children and played the piano in Junior Sunday School. I would beg my mother to go to church with me but both she and my dad had a more pressing religion; Horse Racing. It consumed almost all of their time handicapping the races and then making bets with their bookies. They seemed to do very well. It was the Racing Form that was the Bible in our house. I got back at them by carrying my Bible everywhere I went, even in school. I guess that's the reason I was the Bible Club President.

Anyway, if one of the religions had had the foresight to teach me about talking to strangers, I would have been much better off in life. However, they, nor my parents, didn't.

I was nine years old and we had been working on the house all day. Mother had a craving for a bacon and tomatoe sandwich so she said to go to the grocery store, about six blocks away, and to hurry because it was going to get dark soon. I grabbed one of my stuffed animals, a purple dog, to keep me company, and started out. I got the groceries and as I left the store I could see that it was indeed getting dark, but I wasn't too scared.

As I was walking down the street I heard a small voice telling me to run and hide. "Run and hide, Ann!" it said, but I ignored the voice and thought I was just hearing things. Suddenly a car stopped next to me and a man asked me for directions to Christmas Tree Lane (we lived in Pasadena at the time). I told him it was three blocks straight ahead and then a left turn. The car moved forward a little more, and then stopped and a pleasant looking man got out of the car and said, "It looks like you have a lot of groceries to carry; if you could show me were Christmas Tree Lane is I would then give you a lift home."

Being totally naive, I said, "sure." He helped me get into the car and put the groceries and my stuffed dog into the back seat behind me, and then we started to drive. I directed him to Christmas Tree Lane and he turned onto it and then said, "Would you like to play a game? It's called 'Find the Wiener'." I said, "Please, I just want to go home." By then I had begun to pray, but I thought maybe if I played his game he would take me home.

He said the way the game was played is that I look in your pocket for a weiner, and if I can't find it, then you look in my pocket for a weiner, and we play the game until we find the weiner.

He looked in my jacket pocket and couldn't find the weiner, so he had me look in his jacket pocket and I couldn't find it. Next he looked in my pants pocket and couldn't find the weiner, so then he wanted me to look in his pants pocket for a weiner. I began to panic. I didn't want to look in his pocket at all. I thought about jumping out of the car but the groceries and my dog were in the back seat, where I couldn't reach them, and if I went home without the groceries I would be beat, so I stayed in the car and prayed harder. He took my hand and forced it into his pants pocket; there was no weiner there.

Then he put his hands down my pants and began to feel my personal parts. I was terrified and afraid I was about to die. I stared crying and screaming, and I was begging ONE to save me.

The man finally took his hands out of my pants and said that he hadn't found a weiner in my clothes, bt he had found a weiner in his. He unzipped his pants and pulled out a big white penis. "Touch it!" he commanded. I refused and screamed louder. He told me to be quiet and do as he asked and then he would take me right home. I refused. He took my hand, forced my fist open, and made me stroke the big white penis.

I knew I was dead. Why hadn't I obeyed the voices I had heard. Please ONE, Please ONE, I'll do anything, just let me get home!

The man put his pants together and said that he would take me home, that I had been a good girl and had found the weiner.

He took me across the street from my house, took the groceries amd my little dog out of the back seat and gave them to me, then he told me I'd better be quiet about our game because my mother would beat me for being a bad girl.

I stumbled across the street, and went in the door of the house; my mother started screaming at me for taking so long and I'd better go help Charley or there would be no dinner for us that night. Charley was vacuuming and I told him what had happened. He told me never to tell anyone else because I would just get a beating, and from now on never get in a car with a stranger. I didn't find the courage to tell my parents for a whole year. We were living in Long Beach by then and I told them just as daddy was going to leave and go back to his new job. My parents were shocked and called the police in Pasadena. I gave the police a very detailed description of the man and his car, I can still give the description today, but they never found him, it was too late.


Tomorrow Ann is a few years older, 11, when a jockey at a race track abuses her...

SCARS ON OUR BACKS

Today we follow Ann and Charley as they navigate school and CYA with scars on their bodies, and dreams in their hearts.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 17...(HELL)...

We had a piano and both Charley and I took lessons. Charley was gifted on the piano but refused to practice. I loved the piano, but had small hands that couldn't reach an octave so everything I learned was a struggle. But struggle I did and I learned to play the piano. I also learned the violin and was in my school orchestras.

So what was wrong with this picture? Mom was always trying to 'keep ahead of the Joneses.' It was her driving passion and she could not enjoy what she had, because she was always looking for what she did not have. Charley and I hated money, or rather what the drive to get it did to a person. Money was not our friend and Charley and I never had any in our lives. We spent our lives looking for love, not money. Money meant nothing to me; I wanted to have children that were my own flesh and blood; little people that would love me for myself. I wanted a family of my own. Charley just wanted the drugs and glue that helped him forget the pain he had suffered. He just wanted out of our family even if it meant the streets. The streets after all did not hurt him or take love away.

Charley spent a good deal of time in California Youth Authority (CYA) during his teen years. He loved it there. He didn't mind hard work, and he knew how to work well. Also there was regular food. A lot of times at home mother would forget to shop for groceries and Charley and I made it through many a week eating rice and pancakes without syrup; we liked them. But there was always good food and television in the CYA. Charley developed a deep love of reading there and also a taste for all kinds of music. He was happier there than he had ever been. I missed him when he was gone. Also his being gone meant that I had the responsibility for the house alone, and since I often made errors in cleaning I got a lot more beatings. I hated to go to gym class because you'd have to shower in front of the other girls. They really used to make fun of the beating marks and bruises I'd have on my back and sides. They'd ask me what happened and my tongue would get tied; I didn't have any close friends.

I threw myself into books and learning. I was always on the honor roll and had a 3.6 grade point average. Not the best, but the best I had in me. Learning was always a passion for me; I just loved to learn new things. I thought that I would like to be a veterinarian and so I took Latin and math and science courses. For not having many friends, and none of them close, I got into leadership positions in my classes. I was the President of the Latin Club and the Bible Club, and I ran for secretary of my junior class.

Certain things happened to me three times as a child. I was molested by three different men and I feared to tell my parents about it, but I'll share it with you, because I need to talk about it, and I trust your friendship.


Tomorrow, Ann is molested at 9 years of age...