FAMILY TRAGEDIES

So many things come to mind when we bring up the subject of family tragedy. Sometimes we refer to the death or ill health of a beloved family member. Sometimes we are talking about the loss of work or standing in for a relative who can no longer totally care for themselves. Families have both positive turmoil and negative turmoil over the years, and sometimes the tragedy is so great that the family falls apart and cannot be consoled over their loss of a beloved family member.

I adore my family...each member and all of their family and friends are part of our hearts. But let one member decide to not belong to the family, or who destroys the trust that we have in each other, and suddenly the whole family is hurt and puts up defenses to deal with the negative exploits of the one family member. Suddenly our heads are not carried as high and we tell the younger members what to watch out for when dealing with this person or persons.

As an example I tell you the story of my own family and how it was recently divided by the selfishness of one member. One of my many grandchildren has shown that he does not care about how his actions hurt his family, or himself. I had welcomed this member into my home and given him total trust. I was hoping that from my apartment he could search the internet and then go out and apply for jobs. He was someone that I totally love and pray for every day. He has had a string of bad luck, loosing his jobs and preferring to sit at his other grandma's home and watch television to going out and drumming up work. Still I knew that he was suffering from low self-esteem and I tried pumping him up and commentating on his many good qualities; my role as a grandmother is to love unconditionally and be their cheer-leading squad. At the time of this story I had a total of $7.00 in bills, and enough quarters to do four wash loads. The pantry and the refrigerator were almost bare and there would be no more money coming in for another two and a half weeks. However, knowing that God can help us stretch our money in a pinch, I did not hesitate to have him come and stay with me for a couple of days. I explained to him that I did not have money to give to him for cigarettes or to buy more food, but that we would make do with what we had. Then I started to find empty beer cans (40 oz.) under various pieces of furniture, and I wondered where he found the money to get beer with.

Then he was called by his other grandmother to get home immediately to take care of his dog, who was hungry. He left here leaving his clothes and belongings for when he returned. The I decided to do a load of wash while he was gone and I got my little round blue "quarter container" which I leave on one of my bureaus. The quarter container felt very light and I had a constriction in my stomach as I slowly opened it. Twenty Eight of my quarters were gone, and I barely had enough to do one load of wash. I felt as if someone had harpooned my heart and I wondered what else I was going to find that meant the difference between making it this month, or not. I was heartbroken that one of my own grandson had felt no compunctions about stealing from me when I was so broke. I had to face the fact that this young man was not honorable and did not truly love me.

I could not have him here now, because I had no food to feed him and all of my money options had disappeared. No one else had an opportunity to steal my wash money as I keep my home locked up, and no one else knew that I kept my wash money in the little blue box. So, I called the other grandmother and warned her to watch out for her belongings, then I gave my message to my grandson that I knew what he had done and that he was no longer welcome to stay in my home until he had gotten his life straightened out...and apologized to me-which entailed the words but also the action of returning my quarters.

I am sick inside, because this was my oldest grandson and I love him more than words can say. I love his visits, BUT I will not be exploited and disrespected in my own home. Now, I wonder if all of my other grandchildren will look down on me for putting my foot down on their cousin/brother. Will they say that my place is off-limits for evermore? Will any of my other grandchildren come to my house, or will they boycott me for putting their brother on a time-out?

I feel in my heart that I cannot do otherwise that to get him out of my life for a time, for I am a nervous wreck, but I definitely want him to come back home for the Holidays. He is currently running with one of my younger grandsons who has followed him by dropping out of School and following this brother of his through thick and thin. I understand why the boys stick together so fast as their mom died in 2008 and their father is in prison for another 12 years. They feel that they have no foundation to come back to, to strive for, and I think they are right, but I still cannot condone letting them steal from me or putting me in a precarious position with the small amount of funds that I have to survive on.

What would you do in a similar situation? Would you let the boys stay away in the hopes that they will think about what they have done? Or would you just forget this minor incident? I hope that you will comment on this post so that I can see how you would handle the situation. Thank you so much for listening and also for communicating your feelings to me.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

PERCEPTIONS OF REALITY

We are each seeing reality from a different perspective; colored by our own experiences, and just a thought away from the next person's (energy form's) perspective.

So who is "right" or "wrong" about any subject at all? The best we can do is to find a group with like perceptions, and like experiences, and come to some agreement as to our point of view. We all look to the stars for their beauty and direction, but wherever we are on earth we see the sky from a different perspective and some of us see the Big Dipper from our viewpoint, and some see entirely different constellations when they look up. What we see is different from winter to summer and from day to day, but are we only "right" if we see the Big Dipper when we look up? Of course, what is "right" is only "right" if you happen to look at the sky from your spot on earth and on a particular night. People in San Diego see the sky look one way, and the people in New Jersey look up and see the sky from a slightly different perspective and see the constellations in a different position. It all depends on where you are at the time when you look up. Are either one of them the only "right" view? Of course not. We just look at the sky from slightly different directions and all the views are "right" for where we are that night.

So it is with any item to be judged "right" or "wrong".  Say that you take the stance that stealing anything is "wrong" under any circumstances. You have five children and they are crying because their bellies are empty. It has been a week since there was any bread in the home. You are walking past a field that has a magnificent stand of wheat growing; it is September and the grain is ripe for picking. Can you pass the field and not stop to cut enough to make a loaf of bread? You have a picture of your starving 2 year old in your mind and you know that his stomach is cramping. Would you cut a small amount of wheat down and take it home and make bread? I would from my perspective, but the owner of the field might take a very different look at it and have you arrested for touching his property. He does not see your two year old starving, he sees his own family and the possibility that they might starve if he doesn't put enough food on the table. Two different perspectives on the same problem. Now enter a third perspective. The farmer is a righteous man with regard for those less fortunate than themselves. When he harvests his wheat he does not cut the grain growing in the corners of his property, but leaves the wheat growing in the corners for the poor to cut down and keep their families from starving. Three different scenarios. Three different perspectives to the same problem. Who is "right" and who is "wrong"? They are all three "right" from their own perspective so how do we proceed to judge the situation? The mind says to keep the letter of the law, but the heart says to provide for the poor children so that the father is not put into such a position that he needs to steal to keep his children from dying. What we decide to do will determine the course of our country's future. It is in such small details that the course of a country's future is determined for the positive or for the negative. A compassionate country will consider all of the people in their economy, protect the "have's" and make provision for the disenfranchised "have-not's". It is invariably true that if all of the citizens needs are met, that the country will flourish and be happy, but neglect the plight of the poor majority and you are facing the threat of mutiny and the disruption of peace and prosperity.

So we see that "right" and "wrong" is generally very subjective if we only make decisions from our mind, but enter the heart into the equation and we can be more objective and come from a positive perspective. Next time that you are called upon to make a decision remember to stand aside and look at the situation from many different perspectives, then make a decision as to what to do by following your heart. If you come from love, all of your actions will bear fruit and you will always make the "right" decision for yourself and for others.


Have a great week and pray for our country in this hour of great indecision. If we all look in our hearts for a solution we will find one that is right for all of our people and our country will once again flourish and grow.

RISING FROM THE ASHES

Yesterday I went down a rat hole and do not know where I was. Today I discovered that it was a wormhole that connected me to Heaven. I need to write about this or have a bee in my ear forever.

Yesterday my writing energy was constipated and I could not think of a thing relevant to say. Then I forced myself to sit down at the computer and wrote my blog, Notes From the Dark Side. As I wrote to you the dark cloud over my being broke apart and soon after that, as words began to flow, my heart began to sing with joy. It was a wild roller coaster ride from low to deep low and then high in the air again. Am I afraid the roller coaster will move on and start down the slippery slope again? Yes. I am scared. Since I do not know what triggered the depression, I also do not know the why for the high spirits. But what I do know is that my muse is back and that writing once again brings me joy and hope.

Most folks would shy away from the roller coaster experience preferring to take life on the level road. Myself, I love the passion and joy of the higher levels and bear the weight of depression knowing that as low as I go, I can also go to that higher level.

The rule of thumb is this: There is not joy without pain. There is not one without the other and the wider the swings between high and low-the greater the depression and the greater the joy-the higher the intensity of your life experience. If you wish to be happy-for the greatest majority of ourselves-you will also experience sadness. For how can you appreciate joy if you have not experienced the lack of joy? How can you feel the greatest depths of love unless you have first experienced the loss of love? What we see in life repeatedly is that the soul who suffers the most "slings of outrageous fortune" is usually the person who has the sweetest spirit and the most loving heart. For without pain we cannot grow and become strong; we can not see the chinks in our armor and seek change. Time passes and we remain on one level, content to survive and experience the lesser joys.

Decide to become parents and you throw yourself into the fray headfirst. It is the choice to open yourself to a person, who is part of yourself, with total abandon, knowing all the while that you could lose that child at any moment. It is the greatest risk we take in life to know total joy, and at the same moment realize the pain you will experience if you should lose that child. It is the great dichotomy, the eternal roller coaster that carries us up and down; but that we would choose over any other gift.

So here we are. Do we take the risk and go for love/pain? Or do we sit fenced off in our safe and comfortable lives and experience only gentle tides of emotion? Fortunately the choice is in our own hands and also, if you are not happy you can always choose to be subject to pain as you quest for joy. Totally depends on what you want out of life. I choose joy.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

NOTES FROM THE DARK SIDE

Usually, my friends, I write from a positive, or at least informational view point. Today I am looking up at the underneath side of my carpet and trying to determine how to get out of this hole.

I have not been hit with such a heavy depression in months...maybe even years. I look at my Paleo lifestyle and wonder if something I am eating, or drinking-or not eating nor drinking-has set off my bi-polar balance. I realize that I have been eating too much fruit-probably trying to fill my urges for sugar-and my blood glucose has not been on a good level (240 two hours after eating the last meal and 149 in the a.m.). So, today, I am only having a minimum of fruit (two) and concentrating on protein, vegetables, and oil. We will see if that corrects the blood sugar levels. One thing that has surprised me is that vegetables have a lot of sugar in them and they sometimes taste as good as candy; take beets and carrots as an example. When I juice them the juice tastes like I put a teaspoon of sugar in the mix; which I don't of course.

The depression keeps hitting me in waves and even stifles my ability to write. The book is not doing well at this point and I feel like I am writing in a vacuum and that the book will never catch on. I feel totally crazy for having written ideas and stories that I know challenged a lot of people's cherished ideas and beliefs; maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and my fingers chained up. But, of course, even as I write this, my mind is off in another book, THE GOD GAMES: Satan's Challenge, and has devised even more challenges to current thought and beliefs.

I'm scared because I have gone through my entire catalog of things to try when you are drowning on air and nothing has lifted my spirits. So, I am writing to you, and hoping that if I can distract myself from the negative views passing before my eyes that I can find something positive to cling to. The fact that you are reading this diatribe does give me hope that I will find myself again. You seem to accept me for who I am and you have read some pretty controversial things in this blog, so you give me hope for the future. Thank you for being here, as ever. I will think about you and your emotional support of myself and I will use that to pull myself out of my hole and continue writing.

My grief! Where has my mind gone? I have so much to be grateful for; my family, my home, my writing, my dear friends who are so supportive and accepting, William's health...the list is long and grows daily. The good Lord has blessed me with all of my needs and keeps surprising me with "wants" as they become needs for the book or my health. And yet I grovel here in the dust. What a heresy when life is so rich and full. I do believe that I am having a severe bio-chemical imbalance and if things do not level off I will get back to my psychiatrist and get a medication re-evaluation. But what triggers these imbalances? The food I eat? The food I don't eat? A double-whammy of different prescription drugs that are not working well together? Aging? A combination of many health concerns-or worrying about them? Loneliness? My hermiting nature? Or??

Thank the good Lord for allowing me to write to you, and for your listening, I do now see that the carpet is gold in color and it feels soft and cushiony beneath my feet. The safest I've felt in many days.


                                                           ~~~~~~~~~~

To see a synopsis of THE GOD GAMES: Legend of Kor, and to hear a recorded excerpt, please go to:
www.outskirtspress.com/thegodgames
To buy the book at a discounted price, or in e-book format for only $2.99, go to
www.amazon.com
Check under BOOKS and goto THE GOD GAMES: Legend of Kor. You can read excerpts, even chapters, from the book there and decide if you would like to purchase it or not. THANK YOU!

 

THE PALEO LIFESTYLE

My dear friends, I have come upon a new "diet" program that is absolutely miracle-working, and it is NOT a diet at all. It is a freedom-to-eat-real-food lifestyle that is dramatically changing my health, and as a side effect I am losing weight.

I was introduced to this new trend by my daughter, Laura, who knew I was struggling with several health issues and, of course, my weight. She sent me two gifts, a juice extractor and a wonderfully-easy-to-read book by the name of It Starts with Food, by Dallas and Melissa Hartwig. This book has revolutionized my eating habits and over the week that I have been following this lifestyle I have already lost 10 pounds, my blood sugars are in absolute control, and my high blood pressure has resolved itself.

The eating plan promoted in this book is simple and straightforward and I spent only half of my food budget obtaining the foods that I now eat. The plan is not a diet but a way-of-life that is simple and straightforward and does not require you to eat weird foods, or things you do not like.

The Paleo lifestyle takes our eating habits back to what our ancient ancestors ate and thrived upon. What you eat are: meat, fish, eggs, vegetables, fruits, nuts, butter, and olive oil. What you do not eat are dairy (except for clarified butter), sugars and sugar-substitutes, grains, processed foods, and legumes. At first look, this might seem awfully restrictive, but on the plan I do not have cravings for sugars or other foods and my energy levels have skyrocketed. One day's plan is an omelet with peppers, onions, sausage, and avocados and the juice from a grapefruit, cranberries, and an apple for breakfast; hamburger patty with spinach, kale, tomatoes, onions and asparagus for lunch; and a beef steak, mushrooms, sweet potato, carrot and raisin salad, and fresh-greens salad with apple cider vinegar and olive oil dressing, followed by a slice of watermelon for "dessert". I can eat all that I can without regard for calorie-counting and you feel so full all of the time that you do not crave refined foods at all.

In just two days of eating this plan my blood sugars came in complete control and I moved from taking 36 units of insulin a night to 21 units a night-and I suspect that I will be taking less and less insulin as the days go by. I have lost 10 pounds this week. My blood pressure has lowered by 20 points, and my energy levels are hitting the roof. I feel so "up" that I do not even think about candy bars or soda, cake or pizza (there are recipes for cakes and pizza using almond flour so you don't really have to give up any of your favorite flavors.)

There is no calorie-counting on this plan and you can eat when you get hungry; as much as you are able to eat. What happens is that the foods you do eat are so satisfying and so filling that you find yourself eating only normal amounts of food, and three times a day. You can always have a handful of nuts if you feel hungry between meals; or a carrot or apple if you'd rather.

There are hundreds of cookbooks available to create fabulous desserts, and treats like ice cream or birthday cakes, etc. These items can be added to the plan after an initial period of 30 days during which you stay within the basics of the plan. This is to give your body a chance to rejuvenate and heal. I went to the store and no longer bought all of the sweetened and processed foods that were my norm, I actually spent much less than I usually do and my refrigerator and shelves are packed with delicious, health-promoting foods. Having this much food around actually gives me a psychological boost as I no longer have to worry about running out of food before the next paycheck arrives. I have on hand sugar snap peas, avocados, asparagus, sweet potatoes, winter squash, cranberries, mangoes, pomegranates, and dozens of more options. So many different options that I want to try them all at once. Things I love to eat, but had never bought before, or in very small amounts, because I felt that I needed other foods more. Now, I eat the foods that I loved as a child and feel really great about it.

I am going to pursue this new way of eating and I will let you know if there are any stumbling blocks or problems with this new lifestyle. I feel that I will be radically changing my health...for the better, but I will let you know of any problems I might have.

Have a truly excellent day and maybe spend a moment and Google "Paleo Diet" to see further what I am talking about. Thank you for listening to my story and good fortune on attempting a new, healthier, lifestyle.

MEN OF MILITARY MIGHT...

                                                POSITIVE NATURE


Men of military might
Think that all men
Want the same as them,
And that is their downfall.


For in the kernel soul of man
Is the passion for love
And union with all,
And that drive insures that the Cosmos
Is positive in nature.

Davalene R. Hirsch,  2013



Tomorrow we will be discussing the new life-style change that I have embarked upon, that is causing pain I have had for years, to disappear totally. My sugar cravings are gone and my strength is returning.


Have you read THE GOD GAMES: Legend of Kor yet?  Come visit my website for the book at http://www.outskirtspress.com/thegodgames
Thank you for your support. It is available in English, French, and German by going to your local Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.com (and in your neighborhood brick & mortar Book Store).

A VISIT WITH MALACHI

On Sunday our little family, including David, myself, William, and Walter's other grandmother-Malachi's other great-grandmother-Loretta, went down to Dover, Delaware to see Walter, Lourdes, Malachi, and the rest of Lourdes' family.

Malachi was everything that I expected he would be. He was so laid back and comfortable and he was always smiling this little grin. He has taken to nursing easily and his mother is a real trooper to be able to relax enough when she is in so much pain from her vertical Caesarian Section.

Malachi rarely cries; when he does it is because he is hungry and then he goes right back to sleep. His parents have been blessed to have such a good baby.

Lourdes family, several generations, live in the home with her, Walter, and Malachi. Theirs' is a very loving and warm home and everyone pulls their weight to support the family.

I met a young lad of six who is Lourdes' nephew, his name is Carlos. He is very bright and respectful and he is a lot of fun to play with. When we went out to lunch with Lourdes' family, Carlos sat next to me and we color-crayoned and played Tic-Tac-Toe. He won at least half of the games which made him very happy, and I just enjoyed his company. He honored me by calling me grammy and I can see that we are going to be good friends for all of our lives.

Lourdes' mother is a very much loved queen in her family. She is unwaveringly kind and gentle but when she speaks all of the family listens. She speaks in two languages, but she is most comfortable with Spanish. I just love her. She is able to talk without words, just speaking with her eyes-which are so expressive-and what she speaks is LOVE. I am so delighted to have her for a friend and hermana (sister). It is exciting to join a new family, especially when they are so loving and open to new members. We will have a life-long relationship with this family and I look forward to learning and understanding even more about the Puerto Rican culture and language.


Thank you for returning to my blog and being so supportive of my ideas, and feelings. We should be off and running now with new blogs on a regular basis and I do thank you for hanging in there with me. Our next blog will catch you up on the status of the book and tell you how I am now able to lose weight on a regular basis and begin to enjoy new health benefits-I am now a food renegade. I also need to catch you up on my attempt to use the 12-Step program to improve my life and gain control over my sugar addiction.

Have a wonderful day, and the rest of the week, and may you touch love all of your day long.