Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, Happy New Years, and a blessing on all of the holidays you may be celebrating. I think that none of us really know what to expect in the next couple of months with the extension of unemployment up for a vote in a practically useless Congress, new health laws to take effect in about three weeks, and no word on receiving any extra increase in our Social Security. Overall, a tense time of year and a little hesitancy about our plans for the future make this a cautious time for spending money on a lot of gifts. I think we are all watching our pennies.
As those of you who read this blog know, I have been practically out of commission for the last two to three months. I have been drowning in a sea of regrets and feelings of grave inadequacy. At this time of the year I dream of being near to my children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. However, 90% of them are very far away across this country and hold their own holiday parties with their immediate families. Sometimes I will hear a word from them on Christmas day, or New Years, but I feel scared and alone on the holidays. I constantly re-live the years when all of the children were young and we would have such boisterous good times as they tore through the packages, then dressed quickly and went outside to play with their new toys. I long for a living room full of crumpled papers and ribbons dangling from the ceiling, and then the production of THE DINNER. It was so much fun cooking for them all and the food tasted so good; it was a great joy to be a mother. Now, my wonderful son does the cooking and cleaning and he is an excellent cook; much better than I. I sit and watch him and enjoy watching the babies play with their toys and help the older ones put together their crafts and cars. A delightful job, but then they are gone outside too fast and I have to hope that one of them will want to sit and talk to me instead; but I never mention it. Let them have their day and enjoy it.
I have been having a great melt-down emotionally. I have been unable to do more than take care of myself physically. There seemed to be such struggles just to get the initiative to take a bath or wash the clothes, but it got done in short phases. And now I am swinging back again into a happier climate. I hope to be able to maintain this joy and love of living into the new year and be able to once again write interesting blogs. My second book got started and was moving along nicely when suddenly I hit a wall when I realized that I was not making good logic and had to start all over again. I have a beautiful, strong, hate-filled Satan who has determined to make another bid to take over Heaven and this time destroy God and all of His angels and followers. He wants to take over the Throne of Heaven and depose God, destroy all of His children who love Him, and turn Heaven into a place where there is no Freedom of Choice or Free Will. He would then raise up children of his own who naturally tend to be very negative and coerce them to obey his every commandment-all of which would leave them helplessly in his clutches. He desires to re-create the Cosmos and revel in all of the evil and pain that he can create. His greatest desire is to break the heart and will of God and leave God on one barren planet without any powers. He would change all the laws of nature and science in his redistribution of power. Hate and malevolency would reign supreme, BUT God knows his plan and prepares one true soul to stand against Satan; to stand up for righteousness and freedom of choice. And thus the second war in Heaven begins.
I feel really badly for letting you, my readers, down by not writing my blog more regularly. Bi-polar Disorder is insidious and pins you to the ground with great black clouds obstructing any beauty or hope. Feelings of longing for death overcome you and it is hard to eat or exercise or relate to others in a positive manner. But, thank the good Lord, He never gives up on you and finally He lifts you out of your stupor and shows you the little joys of life again.. And so, here I am struggling to overcome and begin to use my mind again. My goal is to write two or three blogs a week and I hope that they will be sufficiently interesting to make up for the past void.
My prayer is that you will enjoy your holidays and the family gathering around and that this will be the best Christmas and New Years, and Kwanza that you have ever experienced. God bless us; each and every one!
As those of you who read this blog know, I have been practically out of commission for the last two to three months. I have been drowning in a sea of regrets and feelings of grave inadequacy. At this time of the year I dream of being near to my children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. However, 90% of them are very far away across this country and hold their own holiday parties with their immediate families. Sometimes I will hear a word from them on Christmas day, or New Years, but I feel scared and alone on the holidays. I constantly re-live the years when all of the children were young and we would have such boisterous good times as they tore through the packages, then dressed quickly and went outside to play with their new toys. I long for a living room full of crumpled papers and ribbons dangling from the ceiling, and then the production of THE DINNER. It was so much fun cooking for them all and the food tasted so good; it was a great joy to be a mother. Now, my wonderful son does the cooking and cleaning and he is an excellent cook; much better than I. I sit and watch him and enjoy watching the babies play with their toys and help the older ones put together their crafts and cars. A delightful job, but then they are gone outside too fast and I have to hope that one of them will want to sit and talk to me instead; but I never mention it. Let them have their day and enjoy it.
I have been having a great melt-down emotionally. I have been unable to do more than take care of myself physically. There seemed to be such struggles just to get the initiative to take a bath or wash the clothes, but it got done in short phases. And now I am swinging back again into a happier climate. I hope to be able to maintain this joy and love of living into the new year and be able to once again write interesting blogs. My second book got started and was moving along nicely when suddenly I hit a wall when I realized that I was not making good logic and had to start all over again. I have a beautiful, strong, hate-filled Satan who has determined to make another bid to take over Heaven and this time destroy God and all of His angels and followers. He wants to take over the Throne of Heaven and depose God, destroy all of His children who love Him, and turn Heaven into a place where there is no Freedom of Choice or Free Will. He would then raise up children of his own who naturally tend to be very negative and coerce them to obey his every commandment-all of which would leave them helplessly in his clutches. He desires to re-create the Cosmos and revel in all of the evil and pain that he can create. His greatest desire is to break the heart and will of God and leave God on one barren planet without any powers. He would change all the laws of nature and science in his redistribution of power. Hate and malevolency would reign supreme, BUT God knows his plan and prepares one true soul to stand against Satan; to stand up for righteousness and freedom of choice. And thus the second war in Heaven begins.
I feel really badly for letting you, my readers, down by not writing my blog more regularly. Bi-polar Disorder is insidious and pins you to the ground with great black clouds obstructing any beauty or hope. Feelings of longing for death overcome you and it is hard to eat or exercise or relate to others in a positive manner. But, thank the good Lord, He never gives up on you and finally He lifts you out of your stupor and shows you the little joys of life again.. And so, here I am struggling to overcome and begin to use my mind again. My goal is to write two or three blogs a week and I hope that they will be sufficiently interesting to make up for the past void.
My prayer is that you will enjoy your holidays and the family gathering around and that this will be the best Christmas and New Years, and Kwanza that you have ever experienced. God bless us; each and every one!
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