I have a grandson who is the apple of my eye, but he had a totally traumatic childhood and young adulthood. His father is in prison for 1st degree murder and his beloved mother died four years ago. He is feeling the losses at an excruciatingly painful level. He has a good heart and is a veteran of the Iraqi war.
He is very depressed and melancholy and has taken up the use of alcohol as a means to blot out his pain. He has a genetic background of alcoholism and he watched the leading men in his life use alcohol in order to keep on going.
There was a brief respite from pain in his relationship with a beautiful and very intelligent young woman and upon the birth of their daughter, his world opened up to love and beauty.
But the years passed by and little by little he resorted to the bottle again, when times were stressful. Finally, he reached a boiling point when he struggled to find a job and then could not control his drinking. One evening, enraged and goaded by feelings of inferiority and shame, he struck his beautiful wife and then ran away.
He struggled to get hold of his life but he was in a quagmire. His wife wanted a divorce; she was frightened for herself and for their child.
The child, an intelligent cherub of three, adored her idol; her father. All she could see was a good, strong, handsome daddy who held her in huge loving arms and fixed her owies. He had tea with her bunny and dolls and assured her that she was the greatest, the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. To his little girl, he would always be a hero; her champion.
But looking for work carried this young man to another state where there were better prospects. However, alcohol tripped him up, and he stopped calling his little girl because he did not want to talk to, and get in an argument with, his ex-wife.
The little girl deeply missed her father and dreamed of hearing from him again. But in her heart she was sure of her daddy's love and knew he would come back one day. She cried every night from missing him.
Our young man suffered from missing his daughter, but he did not feel like he was in a proper place in life to think of fighting to care for her. He felt despondent and like a loser.
So we are at a stalemate. Pain causes the young man to drink, yet when he drinks he is constantly reminded of his little girl and desires to change his lifestyle. If only wishes were actions, then our young man would be free of his addiction, but it takes hard work to fight an addiction and nothing, and nobody, seems to be able to give him the strength.
So we are praying this holiday season that our young man will receive a wake-up call and turn to another person who has been through this for succor and guidance. We pray that he can find a job and pull himself out of his funk, and to that end we will love him and encourage him in even the smallest matter.
One good thing has happened and that is that he is able to have voice contact with his little girl and tell her how much he loves her. But often he is drunk when he talks to her and cannot be as clear as he would hope to be.
Do you have any advice to pass along to us on how to best help our young man? If you do, please help us by sending an e-mail with your suggestions to davalenehirsch@comcast.net and we will get back to you with how your suggestion works.
Thank you for your support!
He is very depressed and melancholy and has taken up the use of alcohol as a means to blot out his pain. He has a genetic background of alcoholism and he watched the leading men in his life use alcohol in order to keep on going.
There was a brief respite from pain in his relationship with a beautiful and very intelligent young woman and upon the birth of their daughter, his world opened up to love and beauty.
But the years passed by and little by little he resorted to the bottle again, when times were stressful. Finally, he reached a boiling point when he struggled to find a job and then could not control his drinking. One evening, enraged and goaded by feelings of inferiority and shame, he struck his beautiful wife and then ran away.
He struggled to get hold of his life but he was in a quagmire. His wife wanted a divorce; she was frightened for herself and for their child.
The child, an intelligent cherub of three, adored her idol; her father. All she could see was a good, strong, handsome daddy who held her in huge loving arms and fixed her owies. He had tea with her bunny and dolls and assured her that she was the greatest, the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. To his little girl, he would always be a hero; her champion.
But looking for work carried this young man to another state where there were better prospects. However, alcohol tripped him up, and he stopped calling his little girl because he did not want to talk to, and get in an argument with, his ex-wife.
The little girl deeply missed her father and dreamed of hearing from him again. But in her heart she was sure of her daddy's love and knew he would come back one day. She cried every night from missing him.
Our young man suffered from missing his daughter, but he did not feel like he was in a proper place in life to think of fighting to care for her. He felt despondent and like a loser.
So we are at a stalemate. Pain causes the young man to drink, yet when he drinks he is constantly reminded of his little girl and desires to change his lifestyle. If only wishes were actions, then our young man would be free of his addiction, but it takes hard work to fight an addiction and nothing, and nobody, seems to be able to give him the strength.
So we are praying this holiday season that our young man will receive a wake-up call and turn to another person who has been through this for succor and guidance. We pray that he can find a job and pull himself out of his funk, and to that end we will love him and encourage him in even the smallest matter.
One good thing has happened and that is that he is able to have voice contact with his little girl and tell her how much he loves her. But often he is drunk when he talks to her and cannot be as clear as he would hope to be.
Do you have any advice to pass along to us on how to best help our young man? If you do, please help us by sending an e-mail with your suggestions to davalenehirsch@comcast.net and we will get back to you with how your suggestion works.
Thank you for your support!
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