So many things come to mind when we bring up the subject of family tragedy. Sometimes we refer to the death or ill health of a beloved family member. Sometimes we are talking about the loss of work or standing in for a relative who can no longer totally care for themselves. Families have both positive turmoil and negative turmoil over the years, and sometimes the tragedy is so great that the family falls apart and cannot be consoled over their loss of a beloved family member.
I adore my family...each member and all of their family and friends are part of our hearts. But let one member decide to not belong to the family, or who destroys the trust that we have in each other, and suddenly the whole family is hurt and puts up defenses to deal with the negative exploits of the one family member. Suddenly our heads are not carried as high and we tell the younger members what to watch out for when dealing with this person or persons.
As an example I tell you the story of my own family and how it was recently divided by the selfishness of one member. One of my many grandchildren has shown that he does not care about how his actions hurt his family, or himself. I had welcomed this member into my home and given him total trust. I was hoping that from my apartment he could search the internet and then go out and apply for jobs. He was someone that I totally love and pray for every day. He has had a string of bad luck, loosing his jobs and preferring to sit at his other grandma's home and watch television to going out and drumming up work. Still I knew that he was suffering from low self-esteem and I tried pumping him up and commentating on his many good qualities; my role as a grandmother is to love unconditionally and be their cheer-leading squad. At the time of this story I had a total of $7.00 in bills, and enough quarters to do four wash loads. The pantry and the refrigerator were almost bare and there would be no more money coming in for another two and a half weeks. However, knowing that God can help us stretch our money in a pinch, I did not hesitate to have him come and stay with me for a couple of days. I explained to him that I did not have money to give to him for cigarettes or to buy more food, but that we would make do with what we had. Then I started to find empty beer cans (40 oz.) under various pieces of furniture, and I wondered where he found the money to get beer with.
Then he was called by his other grandmother to get home immediately to take care of his dog, who was hungry. He left here leaving his clothes and belongings for when he returned. The I decided to do a load of wash while he was gone and I got my little round blue "quarter container" which I leave on one of my bureaus. The quarter container felt very light and I had a constriction in my stomach as I slowly opened it. Twenty Eight of my quarters were gone, and I barely had enough to do one load of wash. I felt as if someone had harpooned my heart and I wondered what else I was going to find that meant the difference between making it this month, or not. I was heartbroken that one of my own grandson had felt no compunctions about stealing from me when I was so broke. I had to face the fact that this young man was not honorable and did not truly love me.
I could not have him here now, because I had no food to feed him and all of my money options had disappeared. No one else had an opportunity to steal my wash money as I keep my home locked up, and no one else knew that I kept my wash money in the little blue box. So, I called the other grandmother and warned her to watch out for her belongings, then I gave my message to my grandson that I knew what he had done and that he was no longer welcome to stay in my home until he had gotten his life straightened out...and apologized to me-which entailed the words but also the action of returning my quarters.
I am sick inside, because this was my oldest grandson and I love him more than words can say. I love his visits, BUT I will not be exploited and disrespected in my own home. Now, I wonder if all of my other grandchildren will look down on me for putting my foot down on their cousin/brother. Will they say that my place is off-limits for evermore? Will any of my other grandchildren come to my house, or will they boycott me for putting their brother on a time-out?
I feel in my heart that I cannot do otherwise that to get him out of my life for a time, for I am a nervous wreck, but I definitely want him to come back home for the Holidays. He is currently running with one of my younger grandsons who has followed him by dropping out of School and following this brother of his through thick and thin. I understand why the boys stick together so fast as their mom died in 2008 and their father is in prison for another 12 years. They feel that they have no foundation to come back to, to strive for, and I think they are right, but I still cannot condone letting them steal from me or putting me in a precarious position with the small amount of funds that I have to survive on.
What would you do in a similar situation? Would you let the boys stay away in the hopes that they will think about what they have done? Or would you just forget this minor incident? I hope that you will comment on this post so that I can see how you would handle the situation. Thank you so much for listening and also for communicating your feelings to me.
I adore my family...each member and all of their family and friends are part of our hearts. But let one member decide to not belong to the family, or who destroys the trust that we have in each other, and suddenly the whole family is hurt and puts up defenses to deal with the negative exploits of the one family member. Suddenly our heads are not carried as high and we tell the younger members what to watch out for when dealing with this person or persons.
As an example I tell you the story of my own family and how it was recently divided by the selfishness of one member. One of my many grandchildren has shown that he does not care about how his actions hurt his family, or himself. I had welcomed this member into my home and given him total trust. I was hoping that from my apartment he could search the internet and then go out and apply for jobs. He was someone that I totally love and pray for every day. He has had a string of bad luck, loosing his jobs and preferring to sit at his other grandma's home and watch television to going out and drumming up work. Still I knew that he was suffering from low self-esteem and I tried pumping him up and commentating on his many good qualities; my role as a grandmother is to love unconditionally and be their cheer-leading squad. At the time of this story I had a total of $7.00 in bills, and enough quarters to do four wash loads. The pantry and the refrigerator were almost bare and there would be no more money coming in for another two and a half weeks. However, knowing that God can help us stretch our money in a pinch, I did not hesitate to have him come and stay with me for a couple of days. I explained to him that I did not have money to give to him for cigarettes or to buy more food, but that we would make do with what we had. Then I started to find empty beer cans (40 oz.) under various pieces of furniture, and I wondered where he found the money to get beer with.
Then he was called by his other grandmother to get home immediately to take care of his dog, who was hungry. He left here leaving his clothes and belongings for when he returned. The I decided to do a load of wash while he was gone and I got my little round blue "quarter container" which I leave on one of my bureaus. The quarter container felt very light and I had a constriction in my stomach as I slowly opened it. Twenty Eight of my quarters were gone, and I barely had enough to do one load of wash. I felt as if someone had harpooned my heart and I wondered what else I was going to find that meant the difference between making it this month, or not. I was heartbroken that one of my own grandson had felt no compunctions about stealing from me when I was so broke. I had to face the fact that this young man was not honorable and did not truly love me.
I could not have him here now, because I had no food to feed him and all of my money options had disappeared. No one else had an opportunity to steal my wash money as I keep my home locked up, and no one else knew that I kept my wash money in the little blue box. So, I called the other grandmother and warned her to watch out for her belongings, then I gave my message to my grandson that I knew what he had done and that he was no longer welcome to stay in my home until he had gotten his life straightened out...and apologized to me-which entailed the words but also the action of returning my quarters.
I am sick inside, because this was my oldest grandson and I love him more than words can say. I love his visits, BUT I will not be exploited and disrespected in my own home. Now, I wonder if all of my other grandchildren will look down on me for putting my foot down on their cousin/brother. Will they say that my place is off-limits for evermore? Will any of my other grandchildren come to my house, or will they boycott me for putting their brother on a time-out?
I feel in my heart that I cannot do otherwise that to get him out of my life for a time, for I am a nervous wreck, but I definitely want him to come back home for the Holidays. He is currently running with one of my younger grandsons who has followed him by dropping out of School and following this brother of his through thick and thin. I understand why the boys stick together so fast as their mom died in 2008 and their father is in prison for another 12 years. They feel that they have no foundation to come back to, to strive for, and I think they are right, but I still cannot condone letting them steal from me or putting me in a precarious position with the small amount of funds that I have to survive on.
What would you do in a similar situation? Would you let the boys stay away in the hopes that they will think about what they have done? Or would you just forget this minor incident? I hope that you will comment on this post so that I can see how you would handle the situation. Thank you so much for listening and also for communicating your feelings to me.
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