The little baby, snuggled in his blankets, looks up into your eyes and squeezes your index finger with his little fist. Your heart is stolen in that moment. You can clearly see the future and this special child will bring so much uniqueness to the family and make you proud of him all of his life. Great swells of emotion bind you to this little soul and you dream of all that he might accomplish in life. You know that you will always be there to encourage and support him and you look forward to interacting with him all of his life.
The child grows and each year is celebrated and his special talents and the tenderness of his heart is noted and approved by all. The years pass and the child is obedient and respectful of life and all that he meets. Then real life happens and the child losses a father or a mother, and sometimes both, and the loss makes the child separate from others because he has begun not to trust life anymore. As he grows older the temptations of life and the life of others his own age lead him to try what everyone insists will change his life forever. The drugs, alcohol, and tobacco do change his life for evermore and he relies on these props to get him through the day.
He has a child of his own that he truly loves with all of his heart and the little girl idolizes her dad. There are a few years where the father works hard and accomplishes much, but the pressures of life get to him and he becomes unstable and does not keep his word anymore. The little girl does not understand why her daddy is no longer around as much and yet her heart loves him even more and she develops excuses for him and becomes very sure that one day her daddy will return and once again be the father that she once knew. She is a highly motivated little girl and puts forth all of her heart and talents to be sure to always make her daddy proud of her. She excels in school and has many family members and friends who love her dearly. But she watches the months and years pass by and hears from her father for only very short moments on a forbidden phone call. Her mom tries to protect her from further pain, but the little girl has a mature heart and listens to her mother but at the same time makes many excuses for her father's absence.
We look at the heartbreak of this little child and how strong it makes her, and our hearts break with the intensity of our love for this little hero and our prayers every day ask for a reunion of this father and child. But life continues and the father seems to be sinking deeper and deeper into chronic addiction and the thoughts of his child remain fleeting and the effort to grow up and be able to see her again is second to the love of a cold aluminum can filled with ambrosia.
This is not what we planned when we first felt his little fist cling to our finger, so many years ago. What do we do, as parents and grandparents? First, we continue to love the person, as much and usually more than before. We pray for a wake-up call for this child/grandchild/father. We reach out to help as much as possible and often give what we do not really have to give. We seek out opportunities for whom is now a grown and aging man, but every opportunity comes to a dead end. But still we love and pray and hope for a better day to arrive.
When you have a child, or a blessed grandchild, you never give up on them, but sometimes you become very discouraged, especially when that child turns on you, or disrespects you after you've spent so many years loving and protecting them. You get to a point when all you can ask is WHY? Or, what else can I do to help improve things? You feel that somehow the loss of this child is your own fault and you tear yourself apart.
The odds of your precious child becoming a drag on society or killing themselves slowly with drugs and/or alcohol is probably minimal over all, and a child surrounded by love and acceptance will usually look at the world with love and have goals and ambitions that last a lifetime. But if you have a large family the odds increase that at least one of them will struggle with addiction or will treat the whole world, and themselves, with disrespect and anger. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TREATED THEM THE SAME AS ALL THE OTHER CHILDREN. Some souls have to travel a dark road before they can mature and grow into the person you always believed they are.
How then, do you handle the problem of your dearly loved child? After 51 years of experience I must recommend tough-love. Love the child, but insist that they stay out of your life until they can become respectful once more. Send them words of love, but insist upon an apology and a change in actions before letting them back into the bosom of your home. This action MIGHT make the child/adult rethink their lives and then try to reconcile with you. You might have the power to make them think beyond their own needs and pleasures. But if you do not practice tough love and allow the person to come and go from your life on THEIR terms, then expect to be taken advantage of, or to be stolen from, at every opportunity. Demand respect for your person and for your belongings because only you will have the power to make them re-think their life and maybe try to grow up and become responsible.
If you have a child, or grandchild, who follows the above description, do not for one moment beat yourself up. Millions of wonderful families who are loving and supportive still have a child who does not follow the traditions of their families. Know that you are human, and not perfect, but also know that you gave this child all of your love and support-and still do-and what they choose to do with your teachings and leadership is what makes them unique as persons and there is no guarantee that they will listen to you at all. Remember that God also has children who do not listen to Him and who buck His authority and lead lives that hurt everyone around them. And God loves without end, sends support to those who flounder, but makes every one of His children face the consequences of their actions. We can follow His lead and love without condoning the actions that they are involved with.
I do not like "losing" a grandchild to the rough world around us, and I cry buckets when I am alone, but I have written an intention on my heart that I will not condone disrespect of myself or my home and if I expect my grandchild to change his life and goals then I must lead the way by not tolerating it personally, and never giving up my prayer vigil that he will see what he is doing, and change his direction. I love him unconditionally and will prove it by not ignoring his actions or sweeping them under the rug. Only then will there be a chance that his eyes will open and his heart reconsider his actions.
I hope that you do not have any such worries with your children or grandchildren, but if you do, know that you are definitely not alone and it is not because you didn't love the child enough. Freedom of choice gives us the opportunity to try many lifestyles until we - hopefully - find the one that brings us the greatest joy, and we cannot make the choices for other people. The odds are that all of your children will accomplish good works at some time in their lives and sometimes you might have to get tough for them to be able to find the way for themselves.
I hope that you have a great day and we will be back with you very soon again. Please, if you'd like to, send me a comment on how you would handle this problem. Thank you for listening.
The child grows and each year is celebrated and his special talents and the tenderness of his heart is noted and approved by all. The years pass and the child is obedient and respectful of life and all that he meets. Then real life happens and the child losses a father or a mother, and sometimes both, and the loss makes the child separate from others because he has begun not to trust life anymore. As he grows older the temptations of life and the life of others his own age lead him to try what everyone insists will change his life forever. The drugs, alcohol, and tobacco do change his life for evermore and he relies on these props to get him through the day.
He has a child of his own that he truly loves with all of his heart and the little girl idolizes her dad. There are a few years where the father works hard and accomplishes much, but the pressures of life get to him and he becomes unstable and does not keep his word anymore. The little girl does not understand why her daddy is no longer around as much and yet her heart loves him even more and she develops excuses for him and becomes very sure that one day her daddy will return and once again be the father that she once knew. She is a highly motivated little girl and puts forth all of her heart and talents to be sure to always make her daddy proud of her. She excels in school and has many family members and friends who love her dearly. But she watches the months and years pass by and hears from her father for only very short moments on a forbidden phone call. Her mom tries to protect her from further pain, but the little girl has a mature heart and listens to her mother but at the same time makes many excuses for her father's absence.
We look at the heartbreak of this little child and how strong it makes her, and our hearts break with the intensity of our love for this little hero and our prayers every day ask for a reunion of this father and child. But life continues and the father seems to be sinking deeper and deeper into chronic addiction and the thoughts of his child remain fleeting and the effort to grow up and be able to see her again is second to the love of a cold aluminum can filled with ambrosia.
This is not what we planned when we first felt his little fist cling to our finger, so many years ago. What do we do, as parents and grandparents? First, we continue to love the person, as much and usually more than before. We pray for a wake-up call for this child/grandchild/father. We reach out to help as much as possible and often give what we do not really have to give. We seek out opportunities for whom is now a grown and aging man, but every opportunity comes to a dead end. But still we love and pray and hope for a better day to arrive.
When you have a child, or a blessed grandchild, you never give up on them, but sometimes you become very discouraged, especially when that child turns on you, or disrespects you after you've spent so many years loving and protecting them. You get to a point when all you can ask is WHY? Or, what else can I do to help improve things? You feel that somehow the loss of this child is your own fault and you tear yourself apart.
The odds of your precious child becoming a drag on society or killing themselves slowly with drugs and/or alcohol is probably minimal over all, and a child surrounded by love and acceptance will usually look at the world with love and have goals and ambitions that last a lifetime. But if you have a large family the odds increase that at least one of them will struggle with addiction or will treat the whole world, and themselves, with disrespect and anger. EVEN IF YOU HAVE TREATED THEM THE SAME AS ALL THE OTHER CHILDREN. Some souls have to travel a dark road before they can mature and grow into the person you always believed they are.
How then, do you handle the problem of your dearly loved child? After 51 years of experience I must recommend tough-love. Love the child, but insist that they stay out of your life until they can become respectful once more. Send them words of love, but insist upon an apology and a change in actions before letting them back into the bosom of your home. This action MIGHT make the child/adult rethink their lives and then try to reconcile with you. You might have the power to make them think beyond their own needs and pleasures. But if you do not practice tough love and allow the person to come and go from your life on THEIR terms, then expect to be taken advantage of, or to be stolen from, at every opportunity. Demand respect for your person and for your belongings because only you will have the power to make them re-think their life and maybe try to grow up and become responsible.
If you have a child, or grandchild, who follows the above description, do not for one moment beat yourself up. Millions of wonderful families who are loving and supportive still have a child who does not follow the traditions of their families. Know that you are human, and not perfect, but also know that you gave this child all of your love and support-and still do-and what they choose to do with your teachings and leadership is what makes them unique as persons and there is no guarantee that they will listen to you at all. Remember that God also has children who do not listen to Him and who buck His authority and lead lives that hurt everyone around them. And God loves without end, sends support to those who flounder, but makes every one of His children face the consequences of their actions. We can follow His lead and love without condoning the actions that they are involved with.
I do not like "losing" a grandchild to the rough world around us, and I cry buckets when I am alone, but I have written an intention on my heart that I will not condone disrespect of myself or my home and if I expect my grandchild to change his life and goals then I must lead the way by not tolerating it personally, and never giving up my prayer vigil that he will see what he is doing, and change his direction. I love him unconditionally and will prove it by not ignoring his actions or sweeping them under the rug. Only then will there be a chance that his eyes will open and his heart reconsider his actions.
I hope that you do not have any such worries with your children or grandchildren, but if you do, know that you are definitely not alone and it is not because you didn't love the child enough. Freedom of choice gives us the opportunity to try many lifestyles until we - hopefully - find the one that brings us the greatest joy, and we cannot make the choices for other people. The odds are that all of your children will accomplish good works at some time in their lives and sometimes you might have to get tough for them to be able to find the way for themselves.
I hope that you have a great day and we will be back with you very soon again. Please, if you'd like to, send me a comment on how you would handle this problem. Thank you for listening.
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