Usually, my friends, I write from a positive, or at least informational view point. Today I am looking up at the underneath side of my carpet and trying to determine how to get out of this hole.
I have not been hit with such a heavy depression in months...maybe even years. I look at my Paleo lifestyle and wonder if something I am eating, or drinking-or not eating nor drinking-has set off my bi-polar balance. I realize that I have been eating too much fruit-probably trying to fill my urges for sugar-and my blood glucose has not been on a good level (240 two hours after eating the last meal and 149 in the a.m.). So, today, I am only having a minimum of fruit (two) and concentrating on protein, vegetables, and oil. We will see if that corrects the blood sugar levels. One thing that has surprised me is that vegetables have a lot of sugar in them and they sometimes taste as good as candy; take beets and carrots as an example. When I juice them the juice tastes like I put a teaspoon of sugar in the mix; which I don't of course.
The depression keeps hitting me in waves and even stifles my ability to write. The book is not doing well at this point and I feel like I am writing in a vacuum and that the book will never catch on. I feel totally crazy for having written ideas and stories that I know challenged a lot of people's cherished ideas and beliefs; maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and my fingers chained up. But, of course, even as I write this, my mind is off in another book, THE GOD GAMES: Satan's Challenge, and has devised even more challenges to current thought and beliefs.
I'm scared because I have gone through my entire catalog of things to try when you are drowning on air and nothing has lifted my spirits. So, I am writing to you, and hoping that if I can distract myself from the negative views passing before my eyes that I can find something positive to cling to. The fact that you are reading this diatribe does give me hope that I will find myself again. You seem to accept me for who I am and you have read some pretty controversial things in this blog, so you give me hope for the future. Thank you for being here, as ever. I will think about you and your emotional support of myself and I will use that to pull myself out of my hole and continue writing.
My grief! Where has my mind gone? I have so much to be grateful for; my family, my home, my writing, my dear friends who are so supportive and accepting, William's health...the list is long and grows daily. The good Lord has blessed me with all of my needs and keeps surprising me with "wants" as they become needs for the book or my health. And yet I grovel here in the dust. What a heresy when life is so rich and full. I do believe that I am having a severe bio-chemical imbalance and if things do not level off I will get back to my psychiatrist and get a medication re-evaluation. But what triggers these imbalances? The food I eat? The food I don't eat? A double-whammy of different prescription drugs that are not working well together? Aging? A combination of many health concerns-or worrying about them? Loneliness? My hermiting nature? Or??
Thank the good Lord for allowing me to write to you, and for your listening, I do now see that the carpet is gold in color and it feels soft and cushiony beneath my feet. The safest I've felt in many days.
~~~~~~~~~~
To see a synopsis of THE GOD GAMES: Legend of Kor, and to hear a recorded excerpt, please go to:
www.outskirtspress.com/thegodgames
To buy the book at a discounted price, or in e-book format for only $2.99, go to
www.amazon.com
Check under BOOKS and goto THE GOD GAMES: Legend of Kor. You can read excerpts, even chapters, from the book there and decide if you would like to purchase it or not. THANK YOU!
I have not been hit with such a heavy depression in months...maybe even years. I look at my Paleo lifestyle and wonder if something I am eating, or drinking-or not eating nor drinking-has set off my bi-polar balance. I realize that I have been eating too much fruit-probably trying to fill my urges for sugar-and my blood glucose has not been on a good level (240 two hours after eating the last meal and 149 in the a.m.). So, today, I am only having a minimum of fruit (two) and concentrating on protein, vegetables, and oil. We will see if that corrects the blood sugar levels. One thing that has surprised me is that vegetables have a lot of sugar in them and they sometimes taste as good as candy; take beets and carrots as an example. When I juice them the juice tastes like I put a teaspoon of sugar in the mix; which I don't of course.
The depression keeps hitting me in waves and even stifles my ability to write. The book is not doing well at this point and I feel like I am writing in a vacuum and that the book will never catch on. I feel totally crazy for having written ideas and stories that I know challenged a lot of people's cherished ideas and beliefs; maybe I should have kept my mouth shut and my fingers chained up. But, of course, even as I write this, my mind is off in another book, THE GOD GAMES: Satan's Challenge, and has devised even more challenges to current thought and beliefs.
I'm scared because I have gone through my entire catalog of things to try when you are drowning on air and nothing has lifted my spirits. So, I am writing to you, and hoping that if I can distract myself from the negative views passing before my eyes that I can find something positive to cling to. The fact that you are reading this diatribe does give me hope that I will find myself again. You seem to accept me for who I am and you have read some pretty controversial things in this blog, so you give me hope for the future. Thank you for being here, as ever. I will think about you and your emotional support of myself and I will use that to pull myself out of my hole and continue writing.
My grief! Where has my mind gone? I have so much to be grateful for; my family, my home, my writing, my dear friends who are so supportive and accepting, William's health...the list is long and grows daily. The good Lord has blessed me with all of my needs and keeps surprising me with "wants" as they become needs for the book or my health. And yet I grovel here in the dust. What a heresy when life is so rich and full. I do believe that I am having a severe bio-chemical imbalance and if things do not level off I will get back to my psychiatrist and get a medication re-evaluation. But what triggers these imbalances? The food I eat? The food I don't eat? A double-whammy of different prescription drugs that are not working well together? Aging? A combination of many health concerns-or worrying about them? Loneliness? My hermiting nature? Or??
Thank the good Lord for allowing me to write to you, and for your listening, I do now see that the carpet is gold in color and it feels soft and cushiony beneath my feet. The safest I've felt in many days.
~~~~~~~~~~
To see a synopsis of THE GOD GAMES: Legend of Kor, and to hear a recorded excerpt, please go to:
www.outskirtspress.com/thegodgames
To buy the book at a discounted price, or in e-book format for only $2.99, go to
www.amazon.com
Check under BOOKS and goto THE GOD GAMES: Legend of Kor. You can read excerpts, even chapters, from the book there and decide if you would like to purchase it or not. THANK YOU!
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