I have been in so many mental hospitals over the years of my life that I cannot tell you exactly how many times I have been hospitalized. Something inside of me says 22 times but that may not be correct; a lot of times.
Each episode was brought about by extreme anxiety and self-hatred leading to self-mutilation to assuage excessive feelings of guilt. I intend to write about self-mutilation in an upcoming blog and want to stay on subject, so I will not go into self-mutilation any further at this point except to say that I was not suicidal, but wished to just lie down and die and rid the world of one crazy, evil, person.
My first hospitalization was in 1976, and my last in 2006. Each hospitalization lasted about 6-8 weeks. During this time the psychiatrists tried different medications to see if they helped my symptoms. Usually the drug of choice would be the latest thing on the market; the one the pharmaceutical companies were pushing at the time. There is no doubt that I have been a guinea pig over the years, but I have steadily improved up to my current level of functioning so I cannot complain too loudly and thank God that scientists have found solutions to formerly untreatable mental illnesses. My current level of treatment is a 15 minute visit with my excellent psychiatrist, every third month of the year, to obtain prescriptions for Abilify, which he is decreasing, and Zoloft. He also evaluates my mental and emotional condition and tells me what our next step is in medication and treatment.
While our bodies adjust to the new medication "cocktail" we receive at the hospital, we go through many therapies such as Occupational, Physical, Recreational and Group Therapy. They kept us busy all of the time and I really enjoyed all of the classes and groups I was in. The most important thing they taught us was how to live with our mental illness; coping skills, medication and diagnosis instruction. We did crafts and art therapy every day and sometimes music classes. The food was excellent and everyone puts on weight during their stay.
When you are admitted to the hospital-no matter what condition your are in-you must give up your belt and shoelaces and you are placed in a closed unit until they can evaluate you and see if you are stable enough to be on the open unit. All of your bags and purses are searched for contraband-a lot of patients try to sneak in street drugs or paraphernalia-and you are then instructed to take off your clothes and let the mental health worker check your body for bumps, bruises, and other bodily markings. After you are given a bed-usually you share a room with one other person-they interview you to see what your current diagnosis is and assess your condition. Usually the intake worker is very gentle and supportive but if you are there for a fight then you can have one and end up in a locked, sometimes padded, room and usually are strapped down to a bed. Frequently the new inmate has arrived from County Jail, and often is violent, which is why they were sent here. Violent patients are given strong medication-often Thorazine or Mellaril-and usually sleep the first few days they are in the hospital. Usually violent patients are kept segregated from non-violent patients, but there were times when a violent person would fool the staff and get put on the open unit and then go off on one of the other patients. There were times that there were fights between patients or between patients and mental health workers and the rest of us would be very much afraid. But I was never hurt in all of my hospitalizations.
I grew a lot in the hospitals. I was looking to get well and I was given much extra help and was able to study about my diagnosis and learn different ways to cope with my illness and be able to have a normal and enriching life. Because of the skills I was taught I have been able to recover from the pit of mental illness and have a happy and peaceful heart. I turned to God for help and support and He has given me a loving and positive outlook on life.
The most frightening thing about the hospital was when another patient on your unit would lose control and attempt to commit suicide or self-mutilation. Usually it would be some person you really liked and they just couldn't bear the weight of their problems. 95% of the mentally ill are not violent except to their own selves, and almost everyone works to get on top of their problems and be supportive to the other patients around them.
Tomorrow I will write about my experience with in-hospital Electro Convulsent Therapy (ECT) or better known as Electric Shock Therapy and how it saved and affected my life.
Update on my Blood Sugar Solution Diet. I lost 7 pounds this week and 15 and 1/2 inches in total of all my measurements. My blood pressure dropped, my blood sugar levels dropped, and I have not had cravings. On to the second week; I can hardly wait.
Each episode was brought about by extreme anxiety and self-hatred leading to self-mutilation to assuage excessive feelings of guilt. I intend to write about self-mutilation in an upcoming blog and want to stay on subject, so I will not go into self-mutilation any further at this point except to say that I was not suicidal, but wished to just lie down and die and rid the world of one crazy, evil, person.
My first hospitalization was in 1976, and my last in 2006. Each hospitalization lasted about 6-8 weeks. During this time the psychiatrists tried different medications to see if they helped my symptoms. Usually the drug of choice would be the latest thing on the market; the one the pharmaceutical companies were pushing at the time. There is no doubt that I have been a guinea pig over the years, but I have steadily improved up to my current level of functioning so I cannot complain too loudly and thank God that scientists have found solutions to formerly untreatable mental illnesses. My current level of treatment is a 15 minute visit with my excellent psychiatrist, every third month of the year, to obtain prescriptions for Abilify, which he is decreasing, and Zoloft. He also evaluates my mental and emotional condition and tells me what our next step is in medication and treatment.
While our bodies adjust to the new medication "cocktail" we receive at the hospital, we go through many therapies such as Occupational, Physical, Recreational and Group Therapy. They kept us busy all of the time and I really enjoyed all of the classes and groups I was in. The most important thing they taught us was how to live with our mental illness; coping skills, medication and diagnosis instruction. We did crafts and art therapy every day and sometimes music classes. The food was excellent and everyone puts on weight during their stay.
When you are admitted to the hospital-no matter what condition your are in-you must give up your belt and shoelaces and you are placed in a closed unit until they can evaluate you and see if you are stable enough to be on the open unit. All of your bags and purses are searched for contraband-a lot of patients try to sneak in street drugs or paraphernalia-and you are then instructed to take off your clothes and let the mental health worker check your body for bumps, bruises, and other bodily markings. After you are given a bed-usually you share a room with one other person-they interview you to see what your current diagnosis is and assess your condition. Usually the intake worker is very gentle and supportive but if you are there for a fight then you can have one and end up in a locked, sometimes padded, room and usually are strapped down to a bed. Frequently the new inmate has arrived from County Jail, and often is violent, which is why they were sent here. Violent patients are given strong medication-often Thorazine or Mellaril-and usually sleep the first few days they are in the hospital. Usually violent patients are kept segregated from non-violent patients, but there were times when a violent person would fool the staff and get put on the open unit and then go off on one of the other patients. There were times that there were fights between patients or between patients and mental health workers and the rest of us would be very much afraid. But I was never hurt in all of my hospitalizations.
I grew a lot in the hospitals. I was looking to get well and I was given much extra help and was able to study about my diagnosis and learn different ways to cope with my illness and be able to have a normal and enriching life. Because of the skills I was taught I have been able to recover from the pit of mental illness and have a happy and peaceful heart. I turned to God for help and support and He has given me a loving and positive outlook on life.
The most frightening thing about the hospital was when another patient on your unit would lose control and attempt to commit suicide or self-mutilation. Usually it would be some person you really liked and they just couldn't bear the weight of their problems. 95% of the mentally ill are not violent except to their own selves, and almost everyone works to get on top of their problems and be supportive to the other patients around them.
Tomorrow I will write about my experience with in-hospital Electro Convulsent Therapy (ECT) or better known as Electric Shock Therapy and how it saved and affected my life.
Update on my Blood Sugar Solution Diet. I lost 7 pounds this week and 15 and 1/2 inches in total of all my measurements. My blood pressure dropped, my blood sugar levels dropped, and I have not had cravings. On to the second week; I can hardly wait.
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