I am so happy with President Obama's speech on gun control and mental health yesterday. I have strong feelings about both, as you might imagine. I have seen and lived both sides of both issues.
I lived in the wilderness for 14 years of my life; the 14 years when my mental illness was in its most psychotic phase. My husband, Bruce, was a gold miner in the mountains of Julian, California, and we lived on a millsite claim-on BLM land-in a shack that we had built out of discarded lumber. Bruce was also a gun collector and had 32 weapons in our home; some of them locked up-all of them loaded.
We were raising four children at the time and taught all of them how to use weapons, load ammunition, and clean and care-for their guns. They were also exposed to a great deal of gunpowder since we did load our own ammo. Bruce kept a great amount on hand because he also used to make his own sticks of dynamite out of the centers of paper-towel rolls, a fuse, and packed gunpowder. I just realized that I would be holding the paper tube while he was tamping the gunpowder down. I must have had a very big death wish.
We were very active NRA members and all had hunting licenses. Guns were a necessity in the mountains because of armed claim-jumpers that would descend on us occasionally; we lived in an area teaming with rattlesnakes, bobcats, mountain lions, and the occasional bear; and because we lived on the Pacific Crest Trail, and were thus on the route of immigrants coming into America, and also bandits. It was kind of dicey living out there, but the rewards were tremendous as it was a great training ground for the children who learned to build a home and maintain it, how to weld, and how to work on machinery-oh, and of course, how to survive in the wilderness and hard-rock mine.
Now all of this was well and good, but as I said, I was also having patches of psychosis during this time period. These were periods of time when I would have hallucinations and become suicidal. Suicidal, in my case, was short instances of time when I might think I had heard that one of my children had died, or were in serious trouble, and I would be distraught and desperately want to die. I would run out into the wilderness, unarmed, and not care about the consequences. I just wanted not to feel the pain.
One day I did not run into the wilderness; I had become crafty in my psychosis. I merely took out my own weapon from the gun safe, which of course I had the key to, loaded it with .22 ammo, and snuck away to my bedroom where I locked the door and huddled in a corner. Soon there would be no more pain. Because I was psychotic (defective, or lost contact with, reality) I did not understand how my actions would affect my children. The very children that I was so psychotically distraught about. I know it doesn't make sense, but you don't make sense when you are suicidal.
I had a .22 Colt Revolver, usually loaded with snake loads-shot in a bullet form that is used to fend off poisonous snakes. I pulled the hammer back and put my finger on the trigger, which had a light pull. I put the gun barrel against my temple and as I began to pull on the trigger, Bruce sailed over the bed and knocked the gun out of my hand. I came instantly back into reality and was terrified at what I had almost done. I still shake inside, for a long time, after thinking about this incident.
After that incident it was years before I became suicidal again and I have only had one other attempt since that day, in 2006, when I tried to take an overdose after the death of my husband and best friend. That was also my last hospitalization. I have had no psychosis since that date. Thank God!
In my experience there does need to be better enforcement of current gun laws, and a tightening of control over assault weapons. And maybe add an assessment by mental health workers of a mentally ill person's home surroundings and access to weapons. In my case, everyone-including doctors and mental health workers-knew that weapons were an issue in my home, but no one ever suggested to me to move away from them or report misuse of weapons to authorities. Of course the authorities also knew about Bruce's gun collection and hoarding of gun powder, and knew about my illness, but they never seemed to make a connection about my possible misuse of the weapons.
I am so excited that President Obama has made mental health an issue again. Thank you so much for increasing help to the mentally ill and those that treat them. This powerful two-pronged program is a start to correct obvious deficiencies in the mental health and gun control programs that now exist.
Suicide disrupts families for several generations and, of course, is fatal to the person who is so troubled. Do not waste any time if you feel that a friend or family member is suicidal. Interject yourself into their lives and make sure that they receive psychiatric help immediately. The person is not thinking rationally and cannot understand your reasoning until they are in a better space. Mental health workers are generally compassionate and caring individuals who are doing their best in a world that is receiving less and less support from government and private insurance. Doing an almost impossible task with very little funding for their effort.
Please speak out, or vote for, your own opinions on this situation and thank you so much for listening to these discussions of mental illness and its affect upon a person, their families, and the society at large.
I lived in the wilderness for 14 years of my life; the 14 years when my mental illness was in its most psychotic phase. My husband, Bruce, was a gold miner in the mountains of Julian, California, and we lived on a millsite claim-on BLM land-in a shack that we had built out of discarded lumber. Bruce was also a gun collector and had 32 weapons in our home; some of them locked up-all of them loaded.
We were raising four children at the time and taught all of them how to use weapons, load ammunition, and clean and care-for their guns. They were also exposed to a great deal of gunpowder since we did load our own ammo. Bruce kept a great amount on hand because he also used to make his own sticks of dynamite out of the centers of paper-towel rolls, a fuse, and packed gunpowder. I just realized that I would be holding the paper tube while he was tamping the gunpowder down. I must have had a very big death wish.
We were very active NRA members and all had hunting licenses. Guns were a necessity in the mountains because of armed claim-jumpers that would descend on us occasionally; we lived in an area teaming with rattlesnakes, bobcats, mountain lions, and the occasional bear; and because we lived on the Pacific Crest Trail, and were thus on the route of immigrants coming into America, and also bandits. It was kind of dicey living out there, but the rewards were tremendous as it was a great training ground for the children who learned to build a home and maintain it, how to weld, and how to work on machinery-oh, and of course, how to survive in the wilderness and hard-rock mine.
Now all of this was well and good, but as I said, I was also having patches of psychosis during this time period. These were periods of time when I would have hallucinations and become suicidal. Suicidal, in my case, was short instances of time when I might think I had heard that one of my children had died, or were in serious trouble, and I would be distraught and desperately want to die. I would run out into the wilderness, unarmed, and not care about the consequences. I just wanted not to feel the pain.
One day I did not run into the wilderness; I had become crafty in my psychosis. I merely took out my own weapon from the gun safe, which of course I had the key to, loaded it with .22 ammo, and snuck away to my bedroom where I locked the door and huddled in a corner. Soon there would be no more pain. Because I was psychotic (defective, or lost contact with, reality) I did not understand how my actions would affect my children. The very children that I was so psychotically distraught about. I know it doesn't make sense, but you don't make sense when you are suicidal.
I had a .22 Colt Revolver, usually loaded with snake loads-shot in a bullet form that is used to fend off poisonous snakes. I pulled the hammer back and put my finger on the trigger, which had a light pull. I put the gun barrel against my temple and as I began to pull on the trigger, Bruce sailed over the bed and knocked the gun out of my hand. I came instantly back into reality and was terrified at what I had almost done. I still shake inside, for a long time, after thinking about this incident.
After that incident it was years before I became suicidal again and I have only had one other attempt since that day, in 2006, when I tried to take an overdose after the death of my husband and best friend. That was also my last hospitalization. I have had no psychosis since that date. Thank God!
In my experience there does need to be better enforcement of current gun laws, and a tightening of control over assault weapons. And maybe add an assessment by mental health workers of a mentally ill person's home surroundings and access to weapons. In my case, everyone-including doctors and mental health workers-knew that weapons were an issue in my home, but no one ever suggested to me to move away from them or report misuse of weapons to authorities. Of course the authorities also knew about Bruce's gun collection and hoarding of gun powder, and knew about my illness, but they never seemed to make a connection about my possible misuse of the weapons.
I am so excited that President Obama has made mental health an issue again. Thank you so much for increasing help to the mentally ill and those that treat them. This powerful two-pronged program is a start to correct obvious deficiencies in the mental health and gun control programs that now exist.
Suicide disrupts families for several generations and, of course, is fatal to the person who is so troubled. Do not waste any time if you feel that a friend or family member is suicidal. Interject yourself into their lives and make sure that they receive psychiatric help immediately. The person is not thinking rationally and cannot understand your reasoning until they are in a better space. Mental health workers are generally compassionate and caring individuals who are doing their best in a world that is receiving less and less support from government and private insurance. Doing an almost impossible task with very little funding for their effort.
Please speak out, or vote for, your own opinions on this situation and thank you so much for listening to these discussions of mental illness and its affect upon a person, their families, and the society at large.
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