Now that I have brought up the subject of my own mental illness, let me start a continuing dialogue about my own experiences with mental illness and its treatment in our country (USA).
Depression strikes so many of us. NOW it is o.k. to take mood stabilizers (such as Prozac and its relatives) and a great percentage of us do, but when I was diagnosed, in 1962, there were no such popular medications and I was stabilized on Thorazine and Mellaril. Then, depression was considered a grave mental defect and you were considered "crazy" and locked up in mental hospitals, or kept emotionally straight-jacketed by powerful psychiatric drugs.
Now society has opened its mind a tad and come to realize that depression is a bio-chemical imbalance that can be corrected by Prozac or one of the other amazing anti-depressants, and not a symptom that you have lost control of your mind or emotions.
I am not a doctor in any sense of the word and do not want to contradict anything that your Psychiatrist has told you, or asked you to do, but I have been in the mental health system since 1962 and would like to relate some of my experiences in the hope that you will come to understand the inner workings of mental illness and its treatment in the U.S.A.
I have received four slightly different diagnosis over my life time as Psychiatrists and Scientists have made huge discoveries about the nature and proper treatment of mental illness and changed the wordings and labels in the DMS-4, a text book that defines the parameters of each mental illness and the correct treatment of the patients particular disorder. In 1962 I was diagnosed with Ambulatory Paranoid Schitzophrenia after failing a series of tests that I had answered truthfully, but to the doctors, unbelievably and psychotically (it was in regards to severe abuse in my childhood).
In 1979, I was diagnosed with Schitzo-Affective Disorder/Manic-Depression. This was a less-severe mental illness and was understood to be caused by a bio-chemical imbalance in my brain chemistry exacerbated by rough life experiences.
In 2004, my psychiatrist, after treating me for 22 years, told me one day that I did not have Schito-Affective Disorder, only Bi-Polar Disorder, Rapid-Cycling (I can go from depression to elation in a single day, or less). My brain lit up with joy when he told me those words. I was not crazy, only disheveled emotionally when my brain chemistry gets out of whack. You see, I knew intellectually that my illness was caused by a disorder in my brain chemistry, but in my sub-conscious I still believed the words of the first psychiatrist and secretly accepted that I was indeed crazy. I must say that even as I write this blog, I can feel the branding of the word "mental" on my emotional forehead. And it still makes me feel very uncomfortable and I go to see my psychiatrist every three months so he can give me his opinion as to my "craziness", or not; I am that insecure. I have a great doctor who is slowly decreasing my psychiatric meds as he sees my level state of mind and emotion.
Finally, in 2006, I had my final hospitalization and my psychiatrist in the hospital after much testing and therapy told me that my final diagnosis is Traumatic Shock Disorder and Bi-Polar/rapid cycling. He had found deeply hidden experiences in my childhood and helped me to face them and work them out in a special program. I no longer have the fear and anxiety that my childhood experiences caused me, but have accepted the truth and made peace with all concerned. I believe that this part of my mental illness has been opened up and cured.
Tomorrow I will talk about my mental hospitalizations and how I found the physical hospital and their particular therapies.
Depression strikes so many of us. NOW it is o.k. to take mood stabilizers (such as Prozac and its relatives) and a great percentage of us do, but when I was diagnosed, in 1962, there were no such popular medications and I was stabilized on Thorazine and Mellaril. Then, depression was considered a grave mental defect and you were considered "crazy" and locked up in mental hospitals, or kept emotionally straight-jacketed by powerful psychiatric drugs.
Now society has opened its mind a tad and come to realize that depression is a bio-chemical imbalance that can be corrected by Prozac or one of the other amazing anti-depressants, and not a symptom that you have lost control of your mind or emotions.
I am not a doctor in any sense of the word and do not want to contradict anything that your Psychiatrist has told you, or asked you to do, but I have been in the mental health system since 1962 and would like to relate some of my experiences in the hope that you will come to understand the inner workings of mental illness and its treatment in the U.S.A.
I have received four slightly different diagnosis over my life time as Psychiatrists and Scientists have made huge discoveries about the nature and proper treatment of mental illness and changed the wordings and labels in the DMS-4, a text book that defines the parameters of each mental illness and the correct treatment of the patients particular disorder. In 1962 I was diagnosed with Ambulatory Paranoid Schitzophrenia after failing a series of tests that I had answered truthfully, but to the doctors, unbelievably and psychotically (it was in regards to severe abuse in my childhood).
In 1979, I was diagnosed with Schitzo-Affective Disorder/Manic-Depression. This was a less-severe mental illness and was understood to be caused by a bio-chemical imbalance in my brain chemistry exacerbated by rough life experiences.
In 2004, my psychiatrist, after treating me for 22 years, told me one day that I did not have Schito-Affective Disorder, only Bi-Polar Disorder, Rapid-Cycling (I can go from depression to elation in a single day, or less). My brain lit up with joy when he told me those words. I was not crazy, only disheveled emotionally when my brain chemistry gets out of whack. You see, I knew intellectually that my illness was caused by a disorder in my brain chemistry, but in my sub-conscious I still believed the words of the first psychiatrist and secretly accepted that I was indeed crazy. I must say that even as I write this blog, I can feel the branding of the word "mental" on my emotional forehead. And it still makes me feel very uncomfortable and I go to see my psychiatrist every three months so he can give me his opinion as to my "craziness", or not; I am that insecure. I have a great doctor who is slowly decreasing my psychiatric meds as he sees my level state of mind and emotion.
Finally, in 2006, I had my final hospitalization and my psychiatrist in the hospital after much testing and therapy told me that my final diagnosis is Traumatic Shock Disorder and Bi-Polar/rapid cycling. He had found deeply hidden experiences in my childhood and helped me to face them and work them out in a special program. I no longer have the fear and anxiety that my childhood experiences caused me, but have accepted the truth and made peace with all concerned. I believe that this part of my mental illness has been opened up and cured.
Tomorrow I will talk about my mental hospitalizations and how I found the physical hospital and their particular therapies.
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