TACTICS TO SMOOTH OVER ABUSE

Today we look at some methods that Charley and Ann use to cope with the ongoing abuse. Our methods were diametrically opposed.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 17...(HELL)

I have been passionately in love with ONE since the first breath I took. It just seemed natural to talk to him. I always knew that he loved me, and I was pretty sure that daddy loved me also, but daddy was working at a resort a long way from Long Beach. We only saw him a few days a month-if we were lucky. We told him what mother was doing to us, but he seemed ineffectual against her will. I guess that is why he was gone all of the time.

I fantasized about my real mother. Surely she loved me and there was some big reason that she couldn't keep me. I wrote poetry to her in case I ever met her.

My parents were religious. We went to the Brethren Church, a very small denomination. It was where my birth mother had gone before she gave me up for adoption. That is how my parents had heard about my being up for adoption.

I was totally in love with ONE, I really needed His love, and someone to listen to me. He did. So I started reading the Bible when I was five and when I was eight, the age when you could be baptized, I approached the minister and asked to be baptized. The minister asked me many questions and then went and spoke to my parents. They were kind of surprised and they questioned me, but two weeks after my eighth birthday, I was baptized by total immersion; three dunks. I was in awe.

I tried to "save" Charley's soul; tried to get him to love ONE like I did. I thought it would help him if he could talk to ONE also. But Charley hated the very idea of ONE. How could there be a ONE when he was treated like he was, and nobody loved him enough to stop the pain? I had no answer to give him but I assured him that ONE did love him. I tried to "save" Charley all of his life but he really resented that I of all people couldn't understand him. I was a lousy sister. I really was.

We moved a lot in our lives. We went to 21 different schools from kindergarten to High School. Every time it got bad at home-mom went on one of her rampages-dad would just pack his bags and move on. Mom would take that out on Charley and me, and then two or three months later we would all move to where daddy had moved. Everything would be good for a few months, and then the pattern would start all over again. Charley and I never made close friends because we were never anywhere long enough to trust another person.

Lucile had had two spinal surgeries before she had adopted us. They had fused a part of her back. She was always in great pain. She was an alcoholic and kept her bottles hidden in the toilet tanks and in the backs of cupboards. Charley and I loved hunting them down, then we would imbibe a tiny amount and feel like we had somehow triumphed over her. Since she was a registered nurse, she had a hypodermic needle kit. We saw her use the needle on herself a lot, but we couldn't figure out what she was taking. She spent a lot of time in bed reading and drinking. Charley and I loved this because while she slept and read and drank, we were fairly free-once our work was done-and didn't have to worry about being hurt. I read, and Charley went out with the boys in the neighborhood.

What frightened us was when she became quiet. We knew it was the quiet before the storm and we would hide in our rooms, afraid that we'd say the wrong word by mistake. Then suddenly she would get out of bed and grab the first implement she could find; a brush, a broom, a belt (sometimes she would have us go out and get a tree branch or a rose bush branch) and then she would start swinging, not caring what she hit; my glasses saved my eyes a couple of times but Charley once got it in the eye.

She would start in one room, having us clean while she hit us, and boy we'd better get whatever we were cleaning bright and shiny. She would remind us that we were adopted and that nobody else would have chosen us. We were fortunate to have such a nice home but she could throw us away if she chose to. I guess she could. Our generation was the last one that did not have any child protection. We learned early on that we were essentially rejects, totally unlovable, totally replaceable. We believed what she said. We bought the package.

It's real funny, my parents made a lot of money between them and they always bought nice houses whenever we moved. There was fine mahogany furniture, rich carpets, silver vases and tea sets. We set the table with Noritake china, silver implements, and crystal goblets. There were fine art pieces on the walls and plenty of fresh flowers. Everything in the house looked beautiful, and shiny, and bright. The floors were scrubbed, and washed and polished, on our hands and knees.


Tomorrow we learn more about what went on in Ann's childhood home and how Charley and Ann coped with steady abuse...

ANN & CHARLEY FACE SEXUAL TORTURE

Today's story is about two acts of sexual abuse that Charley and Ann must face and overcome.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 17  (HELL):

Charley had trouble with wetting his bed at night. Mother tried all kinds of punishments to try to get him to stop. I guess she thought that he was doing it just to spite her. One night she took a bathmat and laid it in front of the bathroom door, and made him lie there to sleep that night. She threatened him with a severe punishment if he didn't get up and go to the bathroom in the toilet, instead of on the mat.

I woke up to shrieks and screaming. I jumped out of bed and ran out into the hall. Charley was laying on the bathmat and my mother was sitting on his chest. She had a razor blade in her hand and was cutting the tip of his penis with it. Blood was everywhere. I was terrified and ran and hid under my covers. I thought she was going to come after me next. I guess Charley had wet the mat.

A few minutes later I heard my mother walk past my door and go into her room. Charley was still screaming. Mother got dressed in her nurse's uniform and then she walked past my door, past Charley on the mat, down the stairs and outside to the garage. I heard the car start up and go out of the driveway.

Then I ran out of my rooom to Charley. I could hear Annabelle coming crying, "Charley, Charley, what has she done to my baby? Charley I'm coming!"

Annabelle came charging up the stairs, scooped Charley up, took him into the bathroom and I watched as she washed his terrible wound and bandaged it. She gave him some children's aspirin, then she dressed him and we all went down to her room to hide.

Annabelle rocked him for hours, singing spirituals to him to sooth him, trying to take his mind off of his pain. She rocked him and cried out to ONE, "Lord, what am I going to do? Won't nobody take the word of a black woman over a white nurse. How am I going to get this baby help? Whatever am I going to do?"

We stayed in Annabelle's room all day; her singing and telling us stories about Uncle Remus. Charley eventually was able to stand the pain. Annabelle became our mother that day; she would always be the only mother we ever knew.

When mother came home, she didn't say anything about this morning but she checked Charley's bandages and told Annabelle she had done right. She said nothing to Charley except that he'd better not wet his bed that night. Charley never wet his bed again.

Annabelle was able to talk to one of my mother's best friends, Katie and Harold, and tell them what my mother did to Charley. Katie and Harold approached my parents and asked if they could adopt Charley from them. Daddy was all for it, but mother wouldn't hear of it, she thought people would "talk" if she did that. So Charley was stuck for life.

The most traumatic thing my mother did to me, happened when I was in fifth grade. I was an early developer and very shy and embarrased by my new body. One day, when mother was at work, instead of cleaning the house and doing the dishes and laundry, Charley and I thought we would take our bikes and sneak off to the tar pits-we lived near Long Beach, California. There were a lot of frogs at the tar pits, because it was a swampy area, and we so loved playing with them. Hours later we realized it was getting late and we got worried and set off for home. There, as we had dreaded, was mother's car in the driveway. We hadn't even done the dishes; my god, what were we in for. We crept into the home slowly, but there she was, waiting for us with the belt.

"How could you horrible creatures do this to me? You know what I expect of you, and you've let me down. Ann, this is your fault; you're the oldest and know better! Go to your room and take your clothes off, then come into the living room. You are going to get it good!"

I was shaking so hard I could barely take my clothes off, but finally I did. I went into the living room and mom had Charley in there to watch me get spanked; I was mortally humiliated to be naked in front of my brother.

Mom beat me and beat me with the buckle end of the belt. I screamed and asked for mercy. There was none. But you know what hurt the worst? She kept calling me a pig and a tramp; not worthy for anyone to love. She knew my weak spot was words spoken in hate and denigration; and she knew how it hurt for someone to say they didn't love me.

After the beating, she had me do the dishes, the laundry, and the cleaning; still naked. Then she sent me to my room. Neither Charley nor I would get dinner that night. She kept coming to my door and calling me a pig, and an ugly tramp. I could bear the beating and the humiliation, but it killed me to hear that I was a pig and worse. I felt like a cipher.


Tomorrow we see the effects of religion forced upon us by torture, and how we still came to love God...

CHARLEY'S PAIN AND TERROR BEGIN

Today, Ann gets a new adopted brother and life becomes filled with pain and trauma.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell (HELL)...Chapter 16

Then all the grownups left the room and the lights were shut off again. I wondered what the fuss was about, but fell right to sleep.

The adoption paperwork took about a week to finalize, my name was changed to Ann, and then suddenly I was on a Greyhound bus headed for Iowa. Daddy, the big jolly man, was in the Army stationed in Clarinda, Iowa. He was a mess sergeant in a prisoner of war hosptal there. Mommy was a nurse at the same hospital.

I was a year old now, and walking, and touching everything I could get my hands on, but mommy was strict about what I could touch and I tried real hard to make her happy. It was easy getting mommy to laugh, all I had to do was offer her a part of my cookie. That seemed to make her really happy and I did really try to make her so. It was summer and we went to the park a lot. I had many toys, and lots of music that mommy played all the time for me. I was a happy baby, but in a part of my heart I waited for mama to come back.

Finally it was V.E. Day (victory in Europe) and everyone was dancing in the streets, even my parents danced. It was the end of a war in Europe. Now the prisoner of war hospital could be shut down and daddy could be released from the Army. Soon we were on another greyhound bus, this time headed back to San Diego.

Daddy had to wait until V.J. Day (victory in Japan) came, to be let free from the Army, but in the meantime all he had to do was stand watches, and he could be home a lot. Daddy was so much fun he always bounced me around and took me for walks in my stroller. He also sang all the time, mostly gospel music and Woodie Guthrie songs; I sang along wth him. I learned to sing, "When the roll is called up yonder..." and a Korean Sunday School song that we both loved.

Life was wonderful for the first year of my life with Ralph and Lucile, then when I was 27 months old I saw a crib being put up in an empty room. What could this mean? Daddy and mommy told me that I was going to have a wonderful surprise soon, a new little brother. I wondered what a brother was.

A week or so later my parents walked me into the room where the crib was and there was this stranger lying in it. He was so tiny, and he wouldn't stop crying. I tried to touch him through the bars but mommy told me I was never to touch him. I decided that I would just get me a chair and watch him for a while.

I watched him, and watched him, and then decided that I didn't like him very much and I would get rid of him for us. I tried dragging him through the bars of the crib, but he stuck and screamed. Mommy came running into the room and asked me what I was doing to my brother. I told her I didn't want a brother and that I was going to throw him away. She told me that I couldn't come into the room anymore.

About the same time that my brother came, a thoroughly delightful woman came into our home. Her name was Annabelle; her skin was darker than mine, she smelled like apples and cinnamon, and she could sing wonderful sngs and tell me great stories about Brer Rabbit and his friends. She stayed with us in her own room in the back, and her jobs were to keep the house clean, cook meals, and take care of my brother, Charley, and me. She was so filled with love that it just overflowed. Mommy treated her mean, but daddy called her Zeezo-he always gave people nicknames-and stood up for her so that she didn't get into trouble.

Annabelle came because now my parents both worked long hours every day. Daddy was a Chef at the Hotel del Coronado in Coronado, and mommy worked as a private duty nurse, she was an R.N.

At night my brother and I slept in the same room. I had my hands tied to the sides of the bed to keep me from sucking my thumb, and Charley had both his hands and his feet tied to the sides of the crib so he couldn't move at all. In addition, mommy would paint our fingertips with fire stuff. It burnt your mouth up if you tried to suck one of your fingers; if you put your fingers up to your eyes, it burned your eyes.

As Charley grew up he kept getting in trouble and making mother mad, then she'd scream at both of us. I hated him for getting us into so much trouble. I hated him a lot, but as time went on, I also grew afraid for him; mother seemed to hate him, and she and daddy fought all the time about who wanted him in the first place. Talk was about that they should take him back to the orphanage. I grew afraid for both of us.

When Charley got to be two, and could walk and get into things, mother would oftern stick his fingers into the open flames of one of the stove burners when he was bad. One time his fingers got so infected that they were afraid they would never heal. Punishments changed to a lot of beatings. Charley was always getting into touble. I begged him to be good, but he was so curious about everything and one day he stuck a hairpin into a light socket and got thrown across the room. He got spanked real hard for that. I hated getting spanked, but no matter how good I tried to be, Charley would do some little thing and we would both get spanked. I guess mother tried to keep things even.

Sometimes we could go outside and I was allowed the run of the yard, but Charley had this dog collar around his waist and he was tied up to the swing set. He had to sit in the dirt to play. Sometimes he was not allowed to have toys. Another hardship Charley had to endure, was having his ears taped back to his head, and having his hair greased down with one of mother's nylon stockings over his head, to hold it down. He had been born with large ears, and a lot of cowlicks. I had a cowlick too, but she didn't grease my hair down.

When I was almost five, and Charley was almost three, the worst thing happened to us; at least it has always seemed like the worst thing.


Tomorrow poor Charley faces the ultimate torture and is saved by Annabelle...

THE FIRST YEAR OF ANN'S LIFE - ADOPTION

Dear Friend, from now on the story gets rough as Ann (Ruby) begins to experience her life on Earth (Hell). This will be hard for me to re-write as it is a true story, and it is the story of my own life; the good, the bad, and the ugly.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 16 (HELL)

Birth is largely overrated; so much pain. I wonder what pain my mama felt. I hope she is all right.

Mama's name is Shirley Loretta; what a beautiful name. I love her so much. She is struggling; I can hear her crying. I hope its not about me; somehow I sense it is.

Mama holds me close and rocks me; she paces the floor with me. Her husband doesn't seem to be around. I think he is in the Army in a place called Hawaii. Mama writes to him every day. Sometimes she gets a letter and seems so happy; until she cries again.

Mama tells me that she loves me, then she says that she's so sorry. She has named me Ruby after another little girl who lives here. She has a lady take pictures of her and myself together.

One day we take a long walk. I am feeling good and growing well. I am six weeks old now. I ask God to bless my mama and He blesses us both.

This time mama leaves me alone with a strange woman named Eleanor.

It's cold. I see bars all around. Someone props a bottle for me. Mama's gone. I miss her; she was so warm and soft. She always held me.

Lights. Dark. Propped bottles. I am held for a bath; it feels good to be held. Where is mama?

Mama comes! Mama comes! She holds me; heaven! She cries. I cry. She is gone again.

I see the bars and light. Many other children are around me; they are also behind bars.

I love my bottle. They let me out some now. I crawl backwards, and then I finally get it and crawl forward.

Mama brings me some red celluloid balls. I love them so much!

I can sit now so potty training begins. I hate sitting on a pot.

Mama comes less now and when she comes, she cries. I wish I could make her laugh. I practice laughing.

One day I am dressed up in a frilly pink dress. They tape a pink bow on what hair I have; it is largely nonexistent as I am a towhead with just a few strands apparent. Then they set all of us around a small room in little chairs. Some of us have to have pillows to hold us up.

A big, jolly man appears with a little tiny woman. He points straight at me and says to the woman, "Spizarenctum, that's the one for us!" The woman asks if she can hold me. She picks me up and she is smiling, but she is also crying a little. I wonder if she's a mama too; it seems mamas cry a lot. I reach out and pat the tears on her cheek. She laughs and hugs me. She smells so pretty. I wish my mama was here.

My mama came to see me that night, I was so happy to see her. She hugged me real tight and told me that she loved me and was so sorry. I wondered what she was sorry for.

"Ruby," she told me, "I have to say good-bye now. Always remember that I love you and always will. You will have a nice mama and papa now; you will have a family. You will have everything I wished for you."

I am happy mama. You are here, I said to myself. Then she hugged me real tight and set me down in my crib.

I cried a lot that night, smething didn't feel right to me; my heart felt like it was dark and heavy.

I had just about fallen asleep when the door to the room opened and several people came into the room and surrounded my crib. I pulled myself up on the bars and saw the woman and the man from earlier today. There was another woman with them, and of course Eleanor.

"Do you still want her, Lucile?" Eleanor asked the woman.

"Are you really sure?" the jolly man asked Lucile.

"What do you think Olive?" the woman named Lucile asked her friend.

"Well Lucile, I don't think you could find a finer little girl. I would adopt her in a moment if I could," said Olive.

"Yes, I am really sure, Eleanor. This is the little girl we have prayed about. Are you sure Ralph?"

"From the moment I first saw her I was sure," said Ralph. "She is our daughter."


Tomorrow, Ann is adopted and later gets a new little adopted brother; and trouble.

PATHWAY TO BIRTH ON PLANET EARTH

My dear friend, today is the last day that Ann spends in Heaven. Today, Ann is born into Hell.

THE GOD GAMES: Legend of Kor...Chapter 15 (HEAVEN & HELL)

"I feel that you have prepared me well, but I suppose that I will not have you around me anymore, huh Glenna, once I make this final step?"

"Well, here there is a nice little surprise for you. You see, I will always be around you while you live on Earth. I am what people on Earth call your Spirit Guide. I will take your hand and guide you through most of the bad stuff, most of the painful stuff, but there is a catch. You will usually not recognize me, nor understand what I am trying to say to you.

"So, today I will walk in your path, with you down the first hard steps; with you as you experience harsh pain and rejection; with you as you forge a pathway into your brave new world; with you as you make your first hard choices, and with you as you watch your mother cry and moan in the pain of knowing that she must give you up for adoption. So much hardship and loneliness you will endure; so much pain. But, always, ONE will be with you. Always, I will be with you."

"Well, that doesn't sound so bad, Glenna," I said. "I can endure my birth and the new paths that I must walk down. At least I can endure if I know that ONE is with me, and if you will be by my side. Is that your promise to me?"

"That is my promise to you Ann. That is my promise to you on this, your birth day!"

"Then I will always remember what you have said to me; always remember what you have taught me; always remember your love for all ONE has created. Thank you for all you will be doing for me on my trek throughout Earth."

And with all of that said, Glenna and I joined hands and walked towards the white, silk curtain. Glenna's hand went out and pulled the curtan open and we walked through.

I crossed over to darkness and pain.

Bright light; Father are you here?

More pain as my body is slapped!

Why more pain?

I scream!

Will I be slapped again?

For the first time I feel Fear, Panic, Helplessness!

I miss home; warmth, love.

I am held in a close manner.

Mother?

Love?

Sleep.


July 14, 1944

Tomorrow: Ann's first experience in Hell...

THE REBIRTH BUILDNG & THE MEANING OF HELL

Good morning my friend, I hope you have a great Tuesday and good fortune in all of your ways.

THE GOD GAMES: The Legend of Kor...Chapter 15 (HEAVEN)

We stirred from watching the aquarium and walked out of the Council of Elders building towards the grayness of the sky. We could see a tiny building far in front of us with a green tourmaline roof, and a golden sign which said, "Rebirth Building." We pushed open the door in front of us and practically fell onto the grass of a large meadow.

All around us were rocky promontories with their feet in a lake, and waterfalls for hair. In the recesses of the lake were lily pads with frogs jumping from pad to pad. Willow trees lined a winding path and the meadow was all abloom with flowers of every color and tone.

We walked for a short while and saw, on our right, a beautiful white silk curtain. As we passed the white curtain, we were joined in our path by a lady in a white robe, who had goblets of mead in her hands for us to drink.

We all sat down on a park bench and watched the birds sing and cavort as we enjoyed the pleasure and relaxation of the mead. The lady introduced herself as Rose, and said that she would be our guide for today in this Rebirth House.

The goblets of mead seemed to refill themselves, and we were shortly enjoying ourselves immensely. The colors seemed to vibrate, to oscillate really, in the air before us. It was pure delight, and the music pouring forth from the flowers and the trees put us into a rareified, perfect mood.

"Did you notice the white silk curtain you passed on the right a bit ago?" asked Rose. "When you go through that white silk curtain, you are born on Earth."

"Will I be going through the curtain sometime in the near future?" I asked.

"Yes, soon you will go through, but not before you are ready to. First, we must discuss what going through the curtain will mean to you as an energy form," replied Rose.

"Do you mean that I will gain a body of flesh and bone, as well as this spirit body, when I go through the curtain?"

"Yes, that will be the first of many changes; one of the most startling that you will make as you go through the curtain.

"Perhaps the most startling though, is the onset of pain and confusion; the total disorientation of the new world you will be awakening in. The strange faces you will be meeting will be covered in white masks and will be talking in a strange language to you; then the faces will actually surround you, and the largest male will strike you on your bottom, causing you to suck up air, and then scream and cry. You will once again be born into a time and space continuum; a different dimension from home; a different dimension from the Land of Promise. In point of fact, you will be going to Hell."

"Hell?" I asked. "What is Hell?"

"Hell, is pain; Hell is where your greatest pain will be experienced; physically, mentally, and spiritually."

"So going to Earth is going to Hell, is that what you are saying?"

"That is pretty much so, with the exception that you will also know great love and beauty."

"Well then, you are saying that there will be a balance of pain and joy; a balance of pain and love; a balance of pain and beauty on Earth?"

"I don't remember using the word balance, dear," said Rose calmly.

"You mean there may not even be a balance between positive and negative on Earth?"

"Now, that is more like what I was saying; more like the truth of life on Earth. In the moment of our birth onto Earth we build the first walls in our mind. We build walls in our mind to protect against the intense pain of arrival to Earth. We build walls in our mind to lock out as much of the pain of living as possible. Unfortunately, when we block out the pain, we also block out most of the beauty and joy."

At this point, Glenna spoke up and said, "Dear, this is the point you have been working towards since you came to the Isle of Purpose. You have all of the knowledge you need that you have gained in going from house to house on this island. Now, you need to make the last and most powerful change to your life game, the actual birth of your body into a physical form; the first step into personal power and knowledge; your first baby steps. Do you feel prepared?"

"I feel that you have prepared me well, but I suppose that I will not have you around me anymore, huh Glenna, once I make this final step?

Tomorrow Ann is born onto the planet Earth...

THE RULES FOR LIFE AND GOOD LUCK!

Welcome back my dear friends, today we hear ONE expound on the Rules for life and how to have good luck. I hope you have a spectacular week, one with love and joy and good friends!

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 14 (HEAVEN)

"And finally, Ann, these are the rules to your life games:

1) There are no rules.
2) If we need a rule, we'll make one up as we go along.
3) There is no such thing as a stupid question.
4) Have Fun!

"There is also the way to have what people call 'luck' and that is to have:

       L ove

       U nderstanding

       C ompassin

       K indness

"These rules can help you with stress management in your new life game, and will also have a positive effect on all of those around you.

"Soon, you will be going to the final House on the Isle of Purpose. From there you will step into another dimension and be born as a human baby. There is one thing else that you need to know to complete your preparations here at home. I know Ann that you have gained a lot of knowledge about who you are here at home, and who you will be in the dimension you are traveling to. You have learned the purpose of your game and how to best play it in order to win the game. You know the nature of ONE, and what I expect of you. You understand how your spirit came to be, and some of the laws of the Cosmos. In short, you have a lot of knowledge about other worlds, and the world you will be entering, and you understand what has brought you to the world you are choosing to go to.

"Unfortunately, I must tell you the final piece of the puzzle. When you go to your other dimensions, your other world: when you are born as a baby, there will be a veil pulled across your memory and by the time you are five years old, you will no longer remember what you have studied and learned here in the Houses of home.

"Your brain is an organic computer, and all of the knowledge and memories of all of your life games have been entered, as data, into your brain. Also, all that you have learned here at home, in all of the houses, is stored as data in your brain, but your mind will not be able to access that data because walls (a veil) have been set up in your brain to keep you from remembering-or accessing-it. You will learn that our brains have unlimited storage, but while playing this new game, you will only be able to access about six percent of the data you have stored.

"You can see why tearing down the walls in your mind will allow you to access more data. and be more successful in winning your life game.

"Ann, now don't stress. Consider this, how could you play a life game that had any meaning if you already knew all the answers; how could you grow and develop? How could you have a chance to make choices and reap the consequences of your choices? How could you choose to know me and observe what blessings you receive when you do?"

Then the light began to dim and suddenly there was only myself, the three Elders, and the pond of goldfish in the room. I began to settle down then, as the enormity of what lay ahead of me began to sink in. I could really understand what ONE had told me, but it didn't help the stress that was beginning to come over me as I became aware of the totality of living in another dimension. Then Adam arose and continued speaking: "When you leave here today, you will go directly to the House of Rebirth. I would suggest to you, that you spend a while reflecting on what you have heard, and been taught, here today. I would further suggest that you spend some time watching the fish in our aquarium, and that you go to the House of Rebirth only after you have cleared and calmed your mind. I know that you will feel sadness for leaving home as well as excitement at starting your new life game.

"Just remember that ONE will always be by your side, and that he has promised to guide your path if you will only ask him.

"Now, it is time for all of us to leave you to your thoughts and ponderings, and we will all be thinking of you and sending you energy so that you will win your game before returning home again; if that is what you choose."

And with that said they all filed out, and I went to find Glenna.

When Glenna saw my face she came over and hugged me. "Don't fear now Ann, you will return home triumphant if you only show love in all that you do. Come from love and you will make the right decision every time."

Then Glenna and I sat and watched the fish swimming in the tanks for a long while. The beauty and grace of the fish calmed my mind, and I was able to make a decision to go forward and accept whatever happened in the House of Rebirth. A young man came by with mugs of iced grape juice, and we settled back and relaxed. In a little while we would get up and begin our walk to the next building.

Tomorrow we go to the House of Rebirth and see Ann begin her journey to Earth. Many surprises!...

ON TAKING RISKS

Good day and happy Friday! This weekend I am babysitting my grandson, Will, and so I will not write a new blog until Monday morning. I hope you enjoy today's subject on risk-taking.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 14 (HEAVEN)

"Now you will find, once you are on Earth, that walls are built up in your mind; walls that keep you from remembering all that you have learned in your other life games and on your stay at home. If there were not these walls, you would not have to learn to choose the right paths in your life game, and there would be no point in experiencing and making different choices in your life games. The point of your life game is to experience; so do it freely, and learn to tear down the walls in your mind. For each wall torn down, you will rise another level and have more awareness of Me and All; this lets you make better choices in your game and will help you win your game.

"Take calculated risks-even uncalculated risks if your heart screams out. Going the easy road gets you through the game, but does not win the game. Do not regret either your failures or your successes, but embrace them as new-found friends and love them equally. For failure spurs you to greater growth, understanding, and knowledge, which all leads to success. Success, on the other hand, is the reward for perseverance and makes you secure in your own person. When big challenges come, take the bit in your teeth and run with it. A great idea, any idea, is worth taking a risk for; it is worth taking the greatest risk for. If you take no risks you will probably have a long, but boring, life, for neither grand love, nor great pain, can be chosen without risk.

"Go for the risks! It is the path of infinite self-awareness; of infinite enlightenment. If you never know great pain, you will never experience grand love. Accept that for every up, there is a counterbalanced down, but the changes in these frequencies is good exercise for your energy levels.

"I have two simple things to tell you, but they are the most important things to remember if you plan to win your life game:

"1) Love one another as I have loved you!

"2) I love you just as you are right now, with no exceptions; just as you are right NOW.

"Become aware of all that is around you, and that is within you. You are not required to know the pain of tomorrow morning now, for only one breath at a time is clear; so be aware.

"Awareness of anything will raise you a level; awareness of all, is the awareness that you are indeed Love, and that you are indeed me, ONE. To create awareness inside of yourself can be tricky; it is not an easy job to do. You must act lovingly in the midst of turmoil.

"There are an infinite number of levels. We constantly rise to new levels as we become aware. These are some pointers to let you know if you are growing and becoming more aware: 1) do you find yourself  being more loving to others, even of those who are different from yourself-especially if they are different from yourself; 2) less likely to judge yourself or others; 3) more accepting of people as they are; 4) more sure of yourself-of who you are; 5) more relaxed; 6) less likely to look at the clock; 7) realize with joy that things are getting better and better in your spiritual life-especially if the truth of the matter is that things around you may be falling apart; 8) treating animals with greater kindness and respect; and 9) doing all you can to protect mother earth.

"And now, a word about words: each word has a spirit/energy of its own, so when you speak or write, be careful that your words convey exactly what you are trying to say. Speak simply, clearly, and briefly.

"The two most powerful words in the Cosmos are love and hate. Love and Hate are four-letter words! They mean the same in any language. Each holds a powerful energy to change the minds and hearts of humankind.

"HATE has the most negative energy possible; LOVE has the most positive energy possible. Use the word hate, only when describing its effects and consequences on the human condition. Use the word love as often as possible, so that the energy of the word dominates all other words. This effect will change the minds and hearts of humans into positive energy; rather like tossing a coin into a lake and watching the ripples move out in all directions. The consequences of this effect will change humans into human beings, and our Cosmos into a paradise.

"Now, you know that time and space are illusions, but in your life games you will use time and space constructions to keep you grounded, to calculate distance, to measure the past and define a future. However, if you must use time and space constructions, know that time/space is vertical, and that all constructions of time/space occur at the same 'instant.' There is no time or space in the dimension of Heaven, only in the sense that you construct it as you create any scenario that you want to play here.

On Monday, we learn the "Rules" of our life games...

ANN CONVERSES WITH THE GREAT I AM

My dear friend, I hope you are enjoying Ann's confrontation with ONE and the ideas He leaves her with. Thank you for returning to this blog, your interest keeps me writing and I appreciate you so much!

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 14...(HEAVEN)

"We decided that the goal of the game was to become aware that you were ONE; that all of us are ONE. That ONE is love and each of us in our own experience is love, for that is who you are; but how to experience? What was an experience? We decided that it was a feeling and understanding of a particular situation; a situation that we would each create, then play out, in a series of life games. We each chose how many experiences we wanted to try and how many games of life we would play. We arrived at our answers by considering how much we were already aware of, and how close we were coming to knowing that we were love, and that we were ONE. Then when all of us are aware that we are all ME, when love completely fills the Cosmos, we re-create and begin the game again; each of us starting from another perspective, but with the same goals.

"What else worries you dear?"

"Will you love me even if I do bad things; even if I fail my life game?"

"I will always love you just as you are.

"You have been choosing the parameters of your new life game, and what have you chosen when you choose a life game? Everything; as you have just been finding out. You have decided who you want to be a part of your family while you play this life game. You chose your complexion, your culture, and which world to manifest in; and you did so knowing what the consequences of your choices are; what challenges you want to overcome.

"Follow yur heart, it will never fail you. Know in your being that you are a pure bright light. You think only I am pure love, but remember that you are me. Now trust in your basic instinct to love and give, for that is who you are.

"Yes, you can give me a billion examples of persons who seem to truly be the opposite of love. Often these people seem to succeed and know great wealth and status, but they are forgetting who they are, and unless they redirect their energies, will come to the end of their lives without winning their life game.

"The purpose and goal of each person's life game is to remember who they are. To that end I give you free will and freedom of choice which are both needed in  order for you to be a  free person and come to your goals by choice.

"I will always be by your side, and if you choose, I will guide you through your game. All you need do is ASK and I will give you the desire of your heart."

I looked squarely at the bright light that now was everywhere around the room. Then I looked at my own body standing there and realized that indeed I was also light, as were the men behind the fish pond; and the pond, and the chairs and, in short, everything in the room and the room itself was all pure light. All I could feel was love and joy. So this is what ONE is talking about. We are all him, so we are all love, so we cannot fail in our paths if we always choose love.

"How will I worship you ONE? How will I know I am doing it right?"

"A person comes to me in his heart and soul, and it does not matter to me how they come to me-the formulary or rituals-nor does it matter to me what name a person calls me: Heavenly Father; God; Jesus; Allah; Krishna; Buddah, or whatever he is comfortable with.

"Man knows me by rising in frequency to higher levels and recognizing my presence; all else follows. Soime people will know me from birth, some person know me just before death, others never rise at all; it is each person's choice.

"There will be many sacred books that are written on each of your planets. You would do well to study the works of each religion that man creates, for there will be universal threads of truth in each book, although no book can totally captrure the essence, the energy, that is me.

"Study your own feelings and experiences as well as all the knowledge you can possibly absorb on all  subjects from Cosmology to Quantum Mechanics; to all histories and cultures. Question everything that you see, hear, and study. Make you own conclusions, but listen carefully to everyone. Use other's experiences to add knowledge to you own experience. Leave nothing and no one without question. Question yourself. Question Me. But one caution-Do Not Attept to Change Another Person- leave them to their own perceptions with honor!

"DO not be afraid to speak your own mind and heart, even in great adversity; but always conclude, to whomever you speak, that they should question what you are saying for themselves.

"I have given you the great gifts of Free Will and Freedom of Choice. Free Will is the power of the mind to choose a particular course of action AND accept the conseqences of that action. Freedom of Choice is the game of life where at each point in the game we are asked which direction we want to travel and we choose which path to take next. However, we must also be willing to give each other person their own Free Will and Freedom of Choice.

Tomorrow we learn about taking risks; becoming more aware; running with your ideas, and a discussion of levels and our growth through the levels...

ANN LISTENS TO THE GREAT I AM

Good morning my dear friend, I hope you will bear with me over the next four days as Ann listens to the love and advice of ONE, in a rather unusual setting.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 14 (cont.)  HEAVEN

"Gabriel and Raphael are here today to witness your choices as you hear them from ONE yourself. So now I will be quiet and we will put our hearts and minds together and prepare to hear from ONE."

As Adam sat down, the room became very quiet, and then I noticed a slight rippling on the surface of the water of the pond. The room filled with a light so bright that I covered my eyes. My heart was leaping in my chest and the most incredible joy filled my entire soul. I snuck a peek and saw splendid light dancing on the top of the fish pond.

"Oh, are you looking?" said a strong, warm voice. "It is only I. I AM. I AM ONE. I am you and all that is in this room, and all that is everywhere and nowhere. I AM."

And then I understood that I was witnessing ONE in one of his Manifestations.

My feet felt frozen to the floor, but I had the barest semblance of intelligence and quickly fell to my knees in awe.

"Come, now, Ann. You know that I love you and I know that you love me. We are best friends. I am best friends with all of my children if they will let me be. Now sit down and listen for just a moment; and for my sake, look at ME."

"Dear ONE, are you sure that I can look at you here, and if you are here, what about everywhere else?"

"My child, I AM everywhere. You can find me in the men's room at the Atlas Drug Store if you really want me there. You can find me beside you in the trenches of war when you call upon me for help with your buddy. You can find me on the third shift of your machinist's job when life becomes overburdened and you just need to talk. I am with the man who is drunk and asking for a cigarette when you have started home too late. I am with the mother rocking a colicky baby at 3:00 in the a.m. I AM that I AM. Nothing exists outside of Me. I am ALL."

"Dear ONE, I will need your help to get through with my life game and come home a winner of the game. Will you be there for me?"

"Ann, IT is all about LOVE. Come from love in all that you do and you will never make a wrong decision. I will always be by your side, even if you forget and can't seem to find me, just say my name and we have started a conversation."

"What if I make mistakes, ONE? What if my intentions start out right and later turn out to be wrong?"

"Ann, if you weren't going to make mistakes there would be no purpose in creating another life game at all. It doesn't matter if you fall down or fail, as long as you learn from your lessons and can pick yourself up and try again.

"I am energy. I am all frequencies. I vibrated at my highest frequency and a particle of matter came into being; a particle of absolute density. I created the Big Bang, I am the singularity, and the Cosmos was born. Evolution took over. All has life-energy-all evolves towards the highest level.

"This beauty I enjoyed and contemplated. There was peace and unity in each process taking place, but then I became lonely and bored and I created the God Games. I wanted to have fun and express love and joy. I knew to create THIS, I had to create the other, THAT: Left and Right; Up and Down; Yin and Yang; Negative and Positive; Night and Day; Love and Pain. Nothing can exist without non-existence also being manifest, for there must be the positive and negative in all creation.

"I wanted to experience what I had created and I did not want to be alone, but most of all, I wanted to have fun.

"Parts of me I put not only into the particle of matter, but also ito tiny energy forms: Spirits; YOU. In your language you are my child, but I say you are me. Everyone is me; everything is me. We are ONE. Nothing exists outside of ME. There is no devil or hell outside of ME; there is no heaven or angels outside of ME.

"So I created the spirits of all, and each spirit is unique. Altogether, that makes the Cosmos a colorful and varied place. The Cosmos is not whole without you; as you change, the mosaic changes. Who you are, is love; all comes from love, for I am love.

"I now had my spirits and I had yin and yang; positive and negative. Now, how could we have fun? I created the God Games.

"Not all of you were on the same frequency, as a matter of fact, each of you had a unique frequency. Some were on one level of consciousness and others were on higher or lower levels of consciousness; awareness.

Tomorrow...we hear more of ONE'S instructions to Ann; Free Will and Freedom of Choice...

SURPRISE AT THE COUNCIL OF ELDERS BUILDING

Good morning my dear friend, I think you will be surprised over the next five days as we deal with the Council of Elders and Ann's audience with ONE (God). Thank you for coming to my blog, I hope you will enjoy.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 14  (HEAVEN)

Glenna said that we would take a short break before going to the bungalow, and she led me off of the path down a sloping green mound to the beach that surrounded the island. The sand was soft and warm under our feet and we walked for a long way listening to the water lap against the shore, and watching all the lights from the buildings we had so recently visited. I felt energy fill me and I was ready for any other challenges I would face at the Council of Elders.

Glenna then took me to a nearby bungalow, and to my surprise, a wonderful dinner was on the table when we arrived. We sat down to a meal of bean burritos, watermelon and cantaloupe, washed down with spiced apple juice. When we were done eating, Glenna clapped her hands and all of the dishes disappeared into thin air. Then we laid back on chaise lounges and talked about all we had seen and done on the island so far; all of the mysteries and surprises we had encountered.

Suddenly, I opened my eyes and saw that the world was light once more. I rose and saw Glenna summoning us up some early breakfast. We sat down to pancakes smothered with strawberries and cream, and a pot of green tea. Afterwards, Glenna told me it was time to go to the Council of Elders Building.

As we walked down the pathway to the Council of Elders Building, I noticed that Glenna had a big smile on her face. I asked her what she was smiling so big for, and she told me that there was something about the "Council of Elders" building itself, for me to just wait and see.

We then turned onto the path that led to the Council of Elders Building. The building was round and looked to be pure white, with a roof covered by a brilliant, flawless diamond. As we drew nearer, it looked to me as though something was moving in the walls of the building. We drew closer and I could see that the walls were moving, or rather that something in the walls, was moving. I picked up speed and practically ran to the building, and then stood breathless as I realized that I was seeing an orange fish swim by. Then a whole school of yellow fish, with black fins, swam by.

"What am I looking at Glenna?" I asked.

"What you are looking at is an aquarium. All of the outer walls of the building are aquariums. Just wait until you get inside and are surrounded by the aquariums; it is a very beautiful and uplifting experience."

Glenna and I rushed to the entrance of the building, and Glenna opened the crystal door. We walked inside and were quickly surrounded by the scents of jasmine and roses; soothing tones fell upon our ears and eased my concern for what I might learn in this building.

We walked all around the inside of the building admiring the hundreds of different varieties of fish. There were so many different colors and sizes; fish from  many different planets all living in peace and harmony in the most magnificent aquarium possible. I was thrilled from top to toe and would have spent the entire day watching the fish, but a young gentleman came up to us and asked if I were Ann. I told him that I was.

"Well, Ann, it is time for you to go into the Council of Elders. How do you like our aquarium?"

"Oh, very much," I said, "these surroundings have relaxed me, and prepared me for whatever I shall learn here today."

With that said, the man led me into a large room that was paneled in mahogany and had a crystal ceiling that exposed the beautiful diamond roof. On a raised dais there were three seats in a semi-circle behind a large pond of water filled with goldfish. There was a large plush chair in front of the dais, and in the middle of the room was a table covered in a lace table cloth. On the table were a tray of chocolate-covered strawberries and a bottle of fine champagne. I filled a small plate and took a glass of the wine, and then took the seat in front.

I had barely seated myself, when three men, dressed in pure white robes, filed in and took their seats on the dais. Their faces were universally calm, and seemed to glow with love. All fear and apprehension left when I saw their faces. I was very surprised to see that father was seated as one of the three men on the dais; that I had not expected.

Father stood up, and introduced himself as Adam. He then introduced the other two men, as Gabriel and Raphael.

"Welcome to the Council of Elders," Adam said, "You are here today to hear all that you need to know before proceeding on to your new life game. Since you are here, you must have gone through the other Houses here on the Isle of Purpose. You have made choices as to your character on your new planet, and finished your pathway and game board. You have been approved to come to this house, this day, to hear some vital truths that will tie together all that you have learned so far. You have chosen to know and love ONE, and today you will come to know the truths that you will need, in order to guarantee that you return home as a winner of your game.

Tomorrow, Ann meets the great ONE...

DID YOU CHOOSE THE DATE OF YOUR DEATH? (cont.)

Have a wonderful new week, and may you be blessed with all of the desires of your heart!

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 13...

And wth that said, Marie led us back to the original room, and directed us to go to a door across that room. When we got closer to the door, we saw a sign on it that said, "Open to go to Pathway Planning." Glenna opened the door, and we were in a little room with a small desk in it and a sign that said, "Ring the Bell."

Glenna rang the bell and soon a tall young man appeared. He was singing under his breath, and was smiling at the same time. "Hello," he said, "you must be Ann! We are going to have a good time finishing your game! My name is Alex, and I will be your gamemaster today, any questions?"

"Not yet, Alex," I said, "but I'm sure I'll have a million once we get going."

Alex led us down a short hallway, into a large, bright room. There, on a large table, lay the game board I had seen in the House of Goals and Challenges, with all of its writhe of paths, and the one golden path. One thing had been added, the beginning square now said July 14, 1944; 7:59 p.m.

Alex said, "We are going to first establish a date of death so we can fill in the last square. Have you given any thought to when you are going to die in your life game?

"Well, well," I stuttered, "that hasn't crossed my mind yet; I sure want to live long enough to win this game."

"I have had a lot of experience counseling people on death dates," said Alex. "From what I know of your life game, I would suggest a long life of reasonable to very good health. I see some very dark periods of your life where there may be times of grave physical and mental health, with some possibility of near death experiences. Yet, somehow, I see you coming out on top of all of these problems. Do you want to create such a scenario?"

"Do I want to create near-death experiences, and grave physical and mental health? Not if I don't need to; but are you really saying that I may need the experiences to grow and develop, and accomplish all I need to in this life game?"

"Yes, that is what I am saying. Shall we say 75 years of life? 80?"

"From my perspective 80 sounds a lot better than 75."

"Okay, then we'll say 80 years. So you might make November 13, 2024, your death date. Can you create that; do you approve of that?"

"Yes, I can create that. So, now we have our final square. Would that also be my 'win' square?"

"Well, Ann, you won't know for sure if you have won this life game, until you return home. You will find out after you die. This final square will simply indicate the end of this particular life game.

"Okay then, let's get on with setting up your life game. I am going to show you some landmarks along your path; first the sad landmarks, and then the happy landmarks. Are you following me?"

"I think so; let's get on with it. I am ready to listen to you."

"Well, the hardest and sadness landmarks are when beloved family members die. You will have several of these incidents. Your first death is of your little girl, Carol, in 1970. Your father and brother will die within two weeks of each other in September 1991. In May of 2000, both Bruce and your mother will die; again within two weeks of each other. In 2005, your beloved Ed will die; in 2007, Charles Albert will pass away; and in 2008, your beautiful and much loved daughter, Becky, will pass away. These are the hardest times of your life and they can be physically, mentally, and emotionally draining. Each death of a loved one changes your life, and can send you down a dark path, but I can tell by looking at your character on these printouts that you will always return to the golden pathway.

"Enough of pain, let's look at the good landmarks now.

"You will choose to experience six different religions in your life game, and furthermore, you will participate in several other religions as a learning experience. When you get older, you will develop your own spiritual path and be happy there for the rest of your lifetime.

"We will mark the landmarks of your relationships and marriage. Then there are the landmarks of the various colleges and schools you will attend and graduate from.

"Your mountain experience will last for 14 happy, but struggling years.

"You will learn to play several instruments; you will become a teacher of religion for children and adults; and you will have a professional life as a Teletraffic Engineer.

"Then finally, your greatest joys, the births of your children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren."

"Boy," I said, "the game board is filled with landmarks. I can hardly wait for the game to start!"

"Well, Ann," Alex said, "these are all landmarks along your golden path. Your response to these landmark occurences may send you down darker paths, or give you the strength to conquer your next mountain top.

"Now, the most important landmarks of all to place are: FUN! You have to have fun to survive; a little joy goes a long way to helping you stay on your chosen, golden, path. Let's add the parties; the holidays-celebrate everyone you can; the anniversaries; the graduations; the marriages; the birthdays; actually, celebrate all of your days, just because you've made it through them! I will give you one great piece of advice: laugh. Laughter, even forced laughter, chases away pain and unhappiness and will save your life many times over.

"Well Ann, now your board is really full. Do you feel comfortable with your life game? Can you choose all that we have spoken about?"

"Yes. Yes I can. Are we done now? Are we really all set up for my game?"

"Yes, Ann, you are finished preparing your game. It has been a pleasure working with you on this project. Now take a good, long look at this game board and make sure that there is nothing that you want to add or subtract."

I looked the board over and could definitely see many twists and turns; many dark paths chosen, but all of the paths eventually returned to the golden pathway and the golden pathway led straight and true until the end square. I was pleased; a little scared, but pleased, and I told Alex that I chose this board game to reflect my life game.

And with that said, Glenna and I left Alex and the Game Development: House of Pathways. When we got back outside, it was a soft, gentle night. Glenna said that we would next go to one of the bungalows to rest for a while and have some supper.

She told me that in the morning I would be going to the Council of Elders Building, where I would be prepared for my trip to the next dimension: Earth.

Tomorrow, a trip to the very exciting Council of Elders building. What about it is very strange?...

DID YOU CHOOSE THE DATE OF YOUR DEATH?

Wishing you a great Sunday, and a wonderful new week!

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 13

Glenna and I left the Goals and Challenges Building and walked out into the warm afternoon. The breeze carried the rich aroma of roses and violets. We walked for a while until we were deep into a young pine forest, and there, to my surprise, was an ice cream vendor. Glenna ordered a double-dip vanilla cone, and I ordered a double-dip Moose Tracks cone. What a total luxury to enjoy a beautiful day, in a sweet-smelling forest, lapping up rich, cold ice cream.

"Well, dear," said Glenna, "how does it feel to be almost finished with your game development?"

"I am very happy that we only have two more houses to go to. My mind and spirit feel like they are stretched to the limit, but every house has been so different, and so interesting, and I've learned so much about who I will be on this visit to Earth, that I am almost sad that there are not more houses to go to."

"Well, this next house is really the last one where you will be creating and choosing for your new life game. In the second house you will be listening to the Council of Elders and only requires your full attention; you will find your time there most enlightening and very interesting. So, when we have finished our ice cream we will move on to the House of Pathways."

In a little while, we found ourselves walking toward the next house; it was very close to the House of Goals and Challenges. The Game Development: House of Pathways Building was very long and had a ruby roof that glowed like fire. It had a big brass door and Glenna had some trouble getting it open. When she did, we entered a very large room. Several hundred computers where in use. Glenna told me that the people working there were working on schedule co-ordination and time-lines for people's life games.

Glenna spoke to a young woman behind a desk by the front door, and the woman told us to start our course by going to the back of the room where there was a sign on the door that said, "Birth Date." We made our way to the room and took a seat to await the arrival of whom we were not sure. Soon a lovely woman with very serious eyes came to help us. "Whom are we helping today?" she asked.

Glenna said that my name was Ann, and the woman said that they had been waiting for me. She rang a little bell and another woman of serious demeanor came out to meet us.

"Hello," said the woman, "my name is Marie and I will be helping you today. Come along to my office."

With that said, we walked down a hall to Marie's office. Her office was stuffed with books, charts, and papers, but, even with that said, it all looked to be in precise order.

Marie told us that in any life game there must be a beginning and an end: a birth date, and a death date; a beginning square and an ending square. Her job, she said, was to create a beginning for me. With that, she brought out a printout that detailed the attributes, qualities, and weaknesses that would be "me," my character, in the new game I was preparing.

"Dear," she said, "I have spent many hours preparing a chart for you that would reflect your true character, and give you guidlines for your future on Earth. You will be born in San Diego, California, U.S.A., Earth. Your sun sign will be Cancer, your moon sign Taurus, and your rising sign Aquarius. You will have Mercury in Gemini, Venus in Cancer, Mars in Virgo, Jupiter in Leo, Saturn in Cancer, Uranus in Gemini, and Neptune in Libra. Does that all sound like gibberish to you?"

"Pretty much," I said. "How does that translate into a birth date for me?"

"Well dear, if you were on Earth and knew your birth date, and time of birth, you could easily find out what your "horoscope" read, but here, I have to extrapolate your birth date, and time of birth, from all the knowledge we have of you as you have created your persona for your new life game. Do you want to know your birth date and time of birth?"

"Oh, yes, very much!"

"Well dear, you will be born on a holiday, but not one celebrated in the U.S.A. You will be born on Bastille Day, a French holiday much like the U.S.A.'s Fourth of July: July 14, 1944, at 7:59 p.m. Does that make you happy?

"Yes it does. I don't know why, but I like the look of the numbers, they seem balanced. I guess that sounds kind of dumb, but I really do like it, it seems to fit me."

"Your birth date and time give you some helpful clues as to your strengths and weaknesses, and some help, while you are on Earth, as to some likely occurences or trends in your life. A wise person studies all aspects pertaining to their lives, so that they can be prepared-as much as they can be-for situations coming up in their lives."

"Thank you so very much for all of your hard work, I really appreciate it," I said.

To be continued tomorrow...

Tomorrow we decide on our own death date...

WHAT GOALS & CHALLENGES DID YOU CHOOSE? (concl.)

I  hope you are having a wonderful day, my blessings are with you, thank you for coming to my Blog.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 12...

"In your adulthood, you will be put under much stress: Charles will be gone most of your married life, for he will be in the armed forces and it will be war time; you will raise your five children essentially alone; you will live in poverty and find it a great struggle just to feed and clothe your children.

"You will have a mental illness-bi-polar disorder.

"Do you think you have enough challenges?"

"Grief, there is certainly a lot that I hadn't counted on. Did I choose to go through all of that?"

"Some of the challenges you have already chosen as consequences to other choices you have made, some you haven't yet, but you asked to win your life game this time, and that requires a very hard row to hoe. Are you up to your challenges, and do you accept them as part of your game?"

"Yes. Yes I do. I know I can win if my eyes are fixed on ONE'S great love. I know that if I can remember to have faith in him, that he will always walk with me and give me strength and guidance. I know that it is also his goal to have me win; that he wants all of his children to win. Yes, I choose the challenges you have put before me."

"Then, if you have made these choices," said Larry, "We are almost finished here. Would you like to see your game board?"

And there, on the table before us, appeared a game board. It seemed to writhe with different paths interconnecting; and forks in the paths leading to nowhere. I could see that there were choices to be made on Earth also. In fact, it looked like we make constant choices and everywhere there are paths that can go in any direction depending on the choices we make; but I could also distinguish a golden-colored path that ran throughout the game and landed on the win square. Surely, if I followed the rules that I had decided upon, I could always see the golden path and come back to it if I strayed too far away. I was sure that I could accomplish my goals; sure that I could indeed win this game.

"Thank you for helping me set up my game. What is my next step in this process?"

Then Tom said, "We all have faith in your abilities and believe you can win this game or we would not send you on to the Pathways Building. Glenna will take you there next and you will see the final work done on your life game. Have faith in yourself, for your spirit will always guide you to make the right choices, and you know that your spirit was created by ONE and is part of ONE, so again, have faith and you will win."

With that said, Glenna and I left the room and the so-intriguing board game, that was to guide my life on Earth.

"Well, my dear, are you comfortable with what you've learned and set up here? Are you ready for a stop in the park, some ice cream, and a little serious talk?"

"Oh yes, Glenna I am comfortable with what I've just learned; I'm a little scared of some of the challenges, but I feel comfortable that I can overcome them. Let's do have some ice cream and rest a while, for my mind seems to be locked in a brain freeze."

And with that, we left the Goals and Challenges building, and walked to a nearby park to get some soul refreshment.

Tomorrow see how we set our birth and death dates as we complete our Game Board...

WHAT GOALS AND CHALLENGES DID YOU CHOOSE? (cont.)

Thank you for returning, my dear friend. I hope that you will continue to enjoy the story.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 12...

The man named Michael then spoke, "Let's first talk about winning your life game. What does a win of the game comprise? If you can come through the challenges of your life game and become aware that you are love; that you are one with all people, and all nature, and you realize that you are one with ONE; then you have won your life game.

"There are games within games in our life games. We are energy forms addicted to games, addicted to challenges.

"We love to have strong feelings, both positive and negative, for then we know our energy still exists. Of course, energy can never be destroyed, only changed, but we play games to flex that energy, to have experiences, and that is what we live for; experiences of ourselves as we are, and what we are is love. So a win is to acknowledge once again that all is love, and to accept that we are love and one with all.

"We play games of every sort all of our lives, and we grow a level higher each time we experience love in any way."

"The highest reward the game pays, is the return of love when you least expect it. Some games that people develop have monmetary gain as its greatest reward, but if that is their only goal they tend not to rise in levels in their life game."

Then Tom spoke up and said, "Our games have an infinite number of levels. We raise a level each time we learn a truth, or give love even when it is not warranted by the circumstances.

"Some create life games that raise them to high public status, but if they have not included love when developing their life games, that public attention fades or disappears as their game progresses. Then, of course, there is the great leveler of life games and that is what humans call death; an end to the game. So we will be building that factor into your game, but that is done in the Pathways Building. For this part of your game, we are going to follow your instructions and build your core game."

"Tell us now," said Larry, "what are your goals in your life game?"

"I want to complete my life game with a win so that I can come back home again, and stay home. I want to demonstrate love in all that I do on Earth; I want to be a good mother; I want to become a less judgmental person. I want to educate myself-especially in spiritual matters; I want to have a large mixed-racial family, and, of course, I want to learn who I am."

"Have you thought about any rules you would have for yourself in this game," asked Tom.

I believe having a positive attitude would be my first rule. Then to persevere in all that I attempt in life. Love for others is the number one directive; also sharing and fair play. I want to rebel against injustice; against the status quo; aganst racism; against the loss of human rights all over the world. I want to love unconditionally."

"Now," said Michael, "those are all very serious goals to have and rules to live by, and if you are able to live by those rules you will be rising in levels very fast and you will win  your game. However, we have another purpose and that is to tell you some of the challenges you will be working under while playing your life game.

"First, of course, there is your adoption factor. Although you have chosen this yourself, you will find that the feelings aroused by this choice do not go away even in your old age. You will struggle to come to terms with this subject.

"Next, there will be considerable pain and fear in your childhood, both physically and emotionally, and the feelings evoked by mistreatment will hamper you all of your life. You will move a lot in your childhood and so you will cling to your home during your lifetime; it will be hard for you to accept changes.

You will be molested three times in your youth and that will restrict you in your relationships.

Tomorrow we take a look at our game board...

WHAT GOALS & CHALLENGES DID YOU CHOOSE?

Dear reader and friend, I just want to thank you for your support and understanding as I write this book.
You are the world to me!

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 12...

Glenna and I took a path that passed the next two Game Development buildings and the Council of Elders building with its diamond roof. We sat on a bench and just stared at the beautiful rays of color reflecting from the enormous diamond; could anything be more beautiful. Amazing how many different kinds of beauty there are in the Cosmos.

Then we came to the little gray bridge I had come across to reach this island, and I remembered meeting Glenna for the first time; remembered her as a ball of light when I had first seen her. She had sure proven herself to be pure light. How would I have navigated all of these steps without her?

We walked past the beautiful bejeweled buildings that I had had such beautiful experiences in. We then passed the little bungalow where I had first met my beloved children and grandchildren. I thought that even though it had been the most modest of all the buildings, I had found my greatest treasure there. Thinking of my children, I made a resloution to create and follow whatever pathway my game demanded; I would give my all to complete my pathway and win my new life game.

We continued walking, listened to the birds singing and the flowers harmonizing; we felt the total peace of the island wrapping around us like a cloak. Finally we found ourselves near the House of Cosmetics again, and Glenna pointed out a little tea shop nestled by the side of a large building, under a grove of oak trees.

The items on the menu brought to my mind the cultural food of an English tea time. There were scones and jam, biscuits, and the most lovely, refreshng tea. We also ordered some cold cucumber sandwiches and ate them down in a flash. I guess we had been hungrier than we had imagined. Either that or we had just felt the need to indulge ourselves.

When we had finished our tea, Glenna rose and said that it was our turn to go to the first of the actual Game Development buildings, that my game was now being contemplated.

The next building was a large rectangular building with an anethyst on top; quite beautiful to see.

Above large copper doors, was a sign that said, "Game Development: Goals and Challenges." Glenna opened the closest door, and we entered a large hall that was completely filled with computers and video games. People were seated at all of the games and they were ardently and completely involved in the games they were playing.

Glenna walked over to a desk at the right side of the doors and addressed a game master who looked up from a mountain of games. He was a very pleasant man and told her that my game room was set-up and ready for me. He gave her a pair of passes and a slip with directions on it.

Glenna found a door at the back of the hall, and we turned down a winding corridor. In every room we passed, we saw people bent over table games, deeply involved in their business. Soon, Glenna saw our room on the right and checked the number on the door, 120, with the number on the passes; they matched.

We entered a medium sized room with a large table in the middle of the floor, and a smaller table with a group of three men around it. The men looked up and motioned for us to take seats at their table.

We sat down and the men introduced themselves as Michael, Tom, and Larry. They said that they were there to help me set up the goals and challenges of my new life game, and to begin to develop a game plan for me.

The man named Larry told us that every game had various components. There were the characteristics of the person playing the game; the goal or goals of the game; the challenges that each person would face in the game itself; and finally, what constituted the win of the game and the prizes attached to the winning of the game. All of these parameters were uique to my own game and they must be chosen by my own self with helpful suggestions from the three men, and Glenna, if she chose to add some.

Tomorrow Goals and Challenges continues...

DID WE CHOOSE OUR OWN COMPLEXION AND COLOR? (Conclusion)

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 11 Conclusion:

"Today you will study different cultures and get a strong feeling of where you would be most comfortable in your new life game. More imprtantly, where you will get the strengths and experiences you need, to meet the goals you have set in your game.

"Then you will go to the sample room where every color and hue of skin, hair, and eye color are displayed.

"You choose a hue and shade by standing in front of a mirror and seeing what you look like in various combinations. There will be knobs to turn to adjust shades for each color of skin, hair, and eyes. You turn the knobs until you are happy wth your choices.

"At the end of choosing your color palette, you are reminded that all of these colors are merely cosmetic differences and in no way affect your personal spiritual being. However, your choice of cosmetics, will have a strong bearing on the challenges you will face in your life game.

"Please relax and clear your mind. Know that you will instinctively understand the ramifications of your color choices, as they apply to your new game. You also will feel again the experiences you have had before in other life games, and these might tend to influence what you choose today. Try to put such considerations out of your mind, and rely on your inner knowledge of what you are planning for this game, to guide your choices.

"Thank you for listening so closely, it is our hope that you will have some vestiges of memory left in your mind and heart of this program's message, as you go out into your new world."

The lights came up, and Glenna and I sat in our seats for a while to think about what we had just seen. When most of the people had filed out of the theatre, we got up, and Glenna led me through a door into the Cultural Room for the Planet Earth. There were booths set up to represent each culture on Earth; there were hundres of them, and I wondered how I would ever find myself in just one of the cultures.

Each booth had samples of the food the culture enjoyed, and so the whole room was filled with wonderful aromas. We walked down many aisles sampling the foods and observing many of the cultures that were to be found on Earth. Then Glenna reminded me that I had already made many choices when I went to the Genealogical building, and that those choices would have an effect on which cultures I could choose between in this part of my preparations.

I knew that I would be German Jewish, English, Scotch, and Irish, so we went to the various booths to sample their foods and be instructed in their cultures. By far, my greatest emotion went to the German Jewish culture. Then I had strong Scotch feelings, followed by Irish and English. I guess I will be an anomoly, because I choose to accept all four cultures to be a part of me.

Once I had made that decision, Glenna led me into the Samples Room. There must have been a thousand mirrors in the room, but Glenna led me to the left side of the room where there was a lovely rosewood mirror. On the right side of the mirror, in the rosewood, were three knobs. Underneath one was a brass sign that said "skin." Under the other two were brass signs that said, "eyes" and "hair."

This looked like a lot of fun. I knew the range of colors that I could choose between for the various cultures I had chosen. In two of the categories, eyes and hair, I had a lot of choice.

I thought about my game plan, and remembered that I must get adopted for my plan to work. Glenna told me that there was a lot of prejudice about who was "adoptable" and who was less likely to be chosen. My heart grew very heavy when I thought about the plight of those left up to the state to raise. It was so unfair, but Glenna said that, as hard as it was to imagine, some people actually chose to be orphaned-much as I had-and then remain an orphan. I thought that those folks must be so strong to choose such a thing; stronger than I was, that's for sure.

So I asked Glenna, what cultures and colors were the most adoptable. Glenna said that the most "adoptable" in the country I had chosen to be born into, was white Anglo-Saxon. Well, that was certainly limiting; I have to imagine that adoption rolls must be very long.

"Another thing that I must tell you is that Ralph and Lucile are Protestant Christians and would not consider a Jewish child."

"So I really don't have total choice in the cosmetics that I choose today?"

"Not if you want to play the life game you are choosing."

So I began turning the knob for skn color from darker to lighter, until I came to a light cream color; actually kind of pale looking, but it did seem to fit the style I had chosen. I had kind of liked a darker tan color, but that didn't seem to be in the game plan for me.

Next, I turned the hair-color knob and found that only blonde seemed to match my skin color. I chose a certain golden-light reddish hue, that some people would call a "dirty-dishwater" blonde.

Then I turned the eye color knob and was astounded by the range of colors and hues found in eye colors. I finally decided on cerulean blue so that I could be the perfect blonde-haired, blue-eyed baby that so many prospective parents were looking for. The funny and odd thing was that I looked very little like the coloring of Ralph and Lucile. I looked more like Ralph with his red-brown hair, freckles, and blue eyes, than I looked like Lucile, who had an olive complexion and black hair. She also did have blue eyes; very pretty blue eyes.

Well, there I was, all made up, but looking very little like my first choice of culture; which was Jewish. how would I ever be able to explore my Jewish heritage? Well, if it is so important to me, I am sure that I will find a way to experience it; I would find a way.

Glenna said we were finished in the House of Cosmetics, and would soon move on to the House of Goals and Challenges, which was indeed challenging; but very interesting.

"Ann," said Glenna, "we will first spend some time on a long walk around the island. You have seen a great deal of it but on a very personal basis. Now we will walk and enjoy the view, and then we will have some dinner before we go to the next house."

"Thanks Glenna. You know, the House of Cosmetics really made me see that the more choices I make, the more consequences follow them; indeed, I am restricted as to some of the other choices I can make, as I prepare for my life game. I am glad I have had many past lives to experience different colors and cultures. I can re-experience then in my memories."

And with that, we began our walk.

Tomorrow we begin to build our Game Board for our new life game...

DID WE CHOOSE OUR OWN COMPLEXION AND COLORING?

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 11...

Glenna was waiting for me with a big smile on her face.

"Did you rest in your quiet place?" she asked.

"Oh, yes. Carol came and visited me and we were able to put all of these recent experiences in order, and she helped me clarify in my own mind where I am going to be going, and what I am going to be doing, in this new life game. I really feel that I am ready to finish my pathway and make the big step into my new life game."

"That is very good news to me. Now let us prepare to go to the House of Cosmetics. This is going to be a real treat for you; it's an incredibly positive experience."

"Then let's get going. I'm really looking forward to this new House."

With that said, we walked down the cobbled streets to a large building with a jade roof. The building had huge wooden doors and above them was a rainbow-colored sign that said, 'House of Cosmetics.'

 Glenna opened the door, and the smell of popcorn wafted out. We entered what looked like the snack bar of a large modern theatre. People were waiting in line for a large variety of goodies. Glenna motioned me over to a line on the left that seemed to be moving smoothly. From the talk around me, I got the impression that everyone was as surprised as I was to find themselves inside a movie theater-and we were all loving it!

When it was our turn, Glenna and I ordered popcorn, orange juice, and Reese's Pieces, then we made our way into a large and very beautiful theatre. We found seats in the middle of a row and settled down to await, what? What would we learn in a movie theatre. Well, I didn't know but it sure peaked my curiosity.

Then the lights dimmed and the curtain slowly opened.

A rainbow appeared on the screen, and a cultured male voice said, "Welcome to the House of Cosmetics. You will be seeing a very beautiful movie today. You will be seeing scenes from many planets that inhabit the Cosmos. On the planets that support life forms, you will notice that there is one universal message; that ONE loves color in everything He creates, and that color is beautiful."

. With that said, the screen was filled with scenes of the skies over many different planets.  The sky started out a delicate pink that turned slowly to a rose red; it then turned black and stormy with clouds of brown to gray. Then an early morning sunrise spread gold, orange, red and purple over a blue sky. The scene changed to the beginning of night with a magnificent sunset of pink, red, purple, and gold, saying goodbye to a dark blue sky.

The voice spoke as we watched the continually shifting colors of the skies. "ONE loves color in all that he creates."

The next scenes showed pictures of magnificent mountain ranges and deep valleys. The mountains ranged from deep purple to blue, green, brown, yellow, orange, black, and red. The valleys were covered in lush greens; brown and yellow rocks and boulders were strewn over some, and some had deep blue rivers running through them.

We were next treated to scenes of apple orchards, undulating waves of green forests, and an autumnal scene with all the trees turning red, orange, and yellow; looking like a roaring fire.

Suddenly, the scene shifted to a magnificent green and blue ocean. Shoals of fish were swimming amongst beautiful pink and red corals. The colors of the fish were so bright and varied. Then, deep into the lower regions of the ocean, where you expect all things to be gray, were sea creatures and fish of many colors. Who will see the colors there? One day man in his explorations will see the colors and be amazed that there are colors in a place so deep and out of sight. Now, ONE enjoys the sight.

"When ONE came to creating bodies for energy forms, he used all of the colors of the rainbow. On some planets, blue, green, purple, and orange people are found. On others, black, brown, yellow, red and white people are to be found. He created humans in all the shades and hues that he has created and loves so much. Then he created additional color combinations when he created their eyes and hair," said the cultured voice.

We were then treated to an hour nature study of the various animals on many planets, and their human counterparts. One thing we really noticed was the variety and range of the different colorings of everything in nature; of all animals, insects, plants, and the humans who walked among them.

I was in total awe. It had never occured to me how important color was in the worlds that ONE created. the entire crowd was totally entranced by the movie, and when it ended, with the sight of a magnificent sunset over a savanna in Africa, we were all sad to see it end.

When the curtains closed, a man walked out onto the stage. He introduced himself as George and said that he would be explaining to us what we were going to be accomplishing in the House of Cosmetics.

"When you are an adult on the planets that you will be going to, you will notice that people tend to belong to tribes that look like each other.

"All persons of every tribe are of equal value and feel and think similarly. There are the positive and negative persons in each tribe.

"Each tribe develops its strengths and weaknesses; its own culture and language; its own music and religons; its own prejudices and fears. These characteristics make each tribe unique and bring further color to their own worlds.       

To be continued tomorrow; we pick our own color scheme and cosmetics...

MAKING CHOICES IN MY QUIET PLACE (conclusion)

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 10...

"In order to be able to raise nine children you will take an opportnity to get your education and then have a professional career.

"Then, just when you are about to run out of steam, you will be blessed with grandchildren and you will want to be the best grandmother that you can possibly be, that choice will bring you years of joy and love.

"You will write continuously, and know the joy of being published. That will futher sustain you. Also you will be able to have a period of time when you advance your education, although you may never gain the degrees that you have dreamed of.

"When you come to a more advanced age, and all of the children are raised, you will know the joy of your heart to come to meet and love Ed; this will also bring a period of struggle and great growth in your life.

"And finally, you will come to live in the State of New Jersey with David and Becky, and so many of your grandchildren. This will be the blessing stage of your life, and even though there may be health issues, you will face all things with equanimity. This move will trigger the time of your greatest spiritual and mental growth, and will bring you great joy.

"Then there comes the hardest decision to make, of when to return home. This is a decision you must make on your own, for only you will know when and if you will be able to win your life game, and come back home triumphant. Most life games will be hard to win, but if you make the wisest decisions about how to grow in love and wisdom, you will come to the end of your life game and know who you are and that this time you have won the game and can go home forever. These issues will help you to know when to set the date to return home."

"My dear daughter, I am so blessed to have you come and sit with me, and help me to see things in a more logical and orderly manner. You have given me a breath of fresh air and a new desire to forge on, and learn what I can in the other houses I must visit. I do believe I can make good choices and choose my pathway in such a way that it will lead me back to home triumphant. I thank you so much."

"Mother, it has been my joy. Just relax now and get your strength back, then return to Glenna and finish your life game path. Trust in your judgment and the feelings you receive in your heart."

And then, as suddenly as she had come, Carol disappeared, and I was alone once more in my quiet place. It is possible that this is the last time I will be in my quiet place for a while, but I believe that I can carry my quiet place in my mind and heart when I go to Earth, and that I can slip away to there in my dreams and day dreams.

I stayed in my quiet place for a long period, and then I began to think of Glenna and the excitement that will be found in the new Houses I would be experiencing.

I thought of Glenna and was with her once again on the Isle of Purpose.

Tuesday, Chapter 11, the House of Cosmetics: did you choose the color of your complexion, hair, or eyes before being born?
I am going on vacation for three days and then will be back at the blog, thank you for your support!

MAKING CHOICES IN MY QUIET PLACE

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 10...

It was early morning in my quiet place; salty air swirled around the meadow making the area cool and moist. It was refreshing to my body and spirit; a perfect day for meditating and planning.

I sat on my white rock and felt it gently conform to my body. I took some deep breathes and stretched my limbs, then I cleared my mind of all else but the deep pece and beauty that surrounded me, and closed my eyes to meditate.

I felt a presence around me and opened my eyes to see my daughter, Carol, standing in front of me. She was so beautiful with her long black hair and tender, dark blue eyes.

"Good morning mother, how are you feeling," she asked. "I have come to help you sort through your thoughts and feelings, and help you see the threads of your life game plan. May I sit down with you?"

"Surely, Carol, welcome to my quiet place!"

With that said, Carol also sat on my white rock chair and I was amazed to see the rock expand and conform to her body also.

"Have you thought about setting up your goals and actions in this new life game?" Carol asked.

"I have a sense, a slender thread of a plan in mind at this time. I have come to realize that even here there are consequences-even though they may be future consequences-for your actions; your choices. For every choice I have made there are consequences that I see in the next step and set of choices I make. Why, my choice to have children, to be a mother, affects every other choice I make. One thing I know, my main goal, my first and constant choice, is to be a mother, all else pales before that choice."

"Well I am certainly glad for that," said Carol. "let's just look at some of the consequences you have already set up for yourself, as you've made choices in your journey through the houses on the Isle of Purpose.

"You know you are going to the planet Earth; to be born in the city of San Diego, in the State of California, and in the country of the United States of America. That is a fortuitous place of birth that you will be very pleased with.

"You will wrestle with the issue of adoption and the confused feelings that are a result of that choice, but you will be glad you have the parents you have chosen.

"All of your life you will have a drive to learn about everything, especially religion, which will cause you much confusion, until you have come to a place in your life when you come to terms with all you have learned on this subject. Your drive to learn will lead you to a strong desire to go to college, you will be faced with a decision of whether to go to a college and get an advanced degree, or to become a mother first and get your education later.

"Your next challenge is to figure out how many children to bear and how to have a choice in the matter. Then, as you have just learned, you will also be called upon to raise four step children and you will worry if you will have enough strength and endurance to see that challenge through.."

Tomorrow, the conclusion of my quiet place choices...

CHOOSING OUR RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE BIRTH (conclusion)

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 9...

"Help me Glenna, this can't be true, I'd never marry or have anything to do with a person of his character. Would I?"

"Honey, choice is always up to you. When this person enters your life you will be at the bottom of the barrel and so poor that you will lose your house and might have to send the boys to live with their father. Ben will try to take advantage of the situation, but you will have the final choice."

Good, I thought, that man I will avoid like the plague.

After a little while had passed, a humble young man of medium build came up to the table and introduced himself as Bruce. He took my hand and led me out onto the dance floor; he was not light on his feet, but he gave it his all.

"Ann," he said, "I will come into your life shortly after Ben. You will be very vulnerable and I will understand your problems because I will have similar problems. I have four children to raise, no mother for them, and no home to take them to. We will strike a bargain to put our finances together and find a home for all nine of the children. We can do together what we cannot do alone. I will ask you to marry me many times but you will always refuse; I think because I have been married and divorced three times before, and you do not want to be a fourth wife. Besides, you will be very protective of your children and not want to get into another long term relatonship. I will love you totally and really admire you. You can trust me to take care of you and all of the cildren. We will have many problems, true, but together we will overcome most of them. Please consider me and choose me, for all of our sakes."

"You know Bruce, I recognize, after meeting Ben, that I will be faced with many problems at the time I meet you. I trust you and I choose to go through all of those problems with you, but you are right, I will never marry you. Thank you for being so honest and forthright."

And with that, Bruce took me back to my table. I sank down into my seat with shaky legs and hands. My word, what am I getting into in this new life game? Did I press a "trouble and woe" button somewhere?

Glenna took my hand and smiled at me gently. "Do you want to leave Ann? Have you seen enough yet?"

"Is there more to see? Let me look at my card."

I looked at my card and there was only one name left, a Bob, and a short sentence that said, "I am a surprise."

"No, Glenna, my card is almost over, let's stay and see this through. I'm very interested to see who the  'surprise' is."

I took a little break and went back to the buffet table to have some cheese and fruit. I needed a space to catch my breath, but all I could think of was; nine children. Nine children; could I possibly be strong enough to raise nine children?

When I got back to the table there was a young man sitting there waiting for me. He introduced himself as Bob and suggested that we sit this dance out and just talk. He told me that he loved me but that ours would be a forbidden relationship; hidden, but necessary for both of us to continue living. He said that we would never dream that such a relationship could come to pass, but circumstances would bring us closely together. He said that we would both have a need for each other and that we would treat each other with great respect and love. He asked me to trust in him and our relationship, and to choose him to be my lover.

No one had ever asked me such a thing, but I told him that I would consider him for a relationship depending on the circumstances that surrounded us. He kissed my hand and said that that was good enough for him. Then he said a polite good-bye.

Almost done I thought, and most of the experiences I had had this evening were unnerving to say the least. One more "surprise" the card said, Could I bear another surprise?

Something made me look up and I saw, striding towards my table, a tall man with long auburn hair and beard. Surely I am dreaming! Surely it can't be my Ed! But it was, with a wicked happy smile he came up to my table, said, "hello, I am your big surprise," and asked me to dance. He said that he had requested the orchestra to play a song for us; "Harvest Moon," by Neil Young.

I was finally in his arms. Surely I must be dreaming, after all this long and disquieting night, happiness and joy.

"Well Ann," he said, "I promised you that we would meet in this new life game. It is towards the end of my life game, but we have plenty of time to get to know and love/hate each other. Our relationship will be turbulent, but also very spiritual and giving. We will come to love and care for each other so deeply that we will become as one. I will ask you to marry me, and you will say 'yes.' I must tell you that our relationship will be beset with struggles and cares, but you will always support me and so we will come out on top; 'you are such a woman to me,'"

"Ed, I totally accept you just as you are; good times and bad for all infinity. I will marry you and love only you for all of my life, and in the afterlife, when we come back home, we will always be one."

Ed led me back to my table, I was walking on air, and he gave me a short kiss and said good-bye. He hated good-byes, and so he walked quickly away.

I dissolved into tears of sadness and joy. Sadness that it would be so long before I saw him again, but joy that after a hard life I would be with my Ed at last.

"Glenna, my card is finished now, and I see my future to be very tumultuous, but amazingly varied. There sure won't be any dull moments. Could we go on now, I'm ready to leave this place. I think I'd like to go to my quiet place and meditate for a while."

"Dear," said Glenna, "you have gone thought a rough and busy night. I think that would be a good idea. When you have come to closure in your quiet place, and you are ready to proceed, we will next be going to the House of Cosmetics, and that should be fascinating for you.

"When you are ready for me again just think of me and we wll be together again. Remember that I love you and have faith in you."

And with that said, I thought and was in my quiet place again.

Tomorrow I visit my quiet place and my daughter Carol comes to visit me to help me sort things out...