Tuesday, August 13, 2013

FACING MY OWN ADDICTION

My dear friend, I am going to ask you a big favor and that is that I am going to first speak about my own addiction and then I am going to try to conquer my addiction by means of the 12 Step Program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I would like to journal my own progress, or stall-out, as the weeks go by. I feel that if I put this personal problem out into inner and outer space that I am obligated to give the process my all; just like my daughter had done. So this process I begin in the name of my daughter, Becky; in her memory, and I know that she will walk me through the program and call me on my shortcomings. She has a very strong personality and lets her presence be known in many subtle ways such as pictures falling off of the wall, or cell phones moving as if tossed. But, I'm off of the subject now.

Hello, my name is Davalene and I am an addict and have no power over my strong cravings and "needs." My life is out of control and I am having severe health problems because I use and misuse my drug of choice, sugar. Do not laugh nor think this a slight problem for this addiction has led to my Diabetes II, high blood pressure, Diabetic Neuropathy, and obesity (which has created another series of health problems). Quite truthfully, if I do not lose weight and get my blood sugars in tight control then I will shorten my life by several years, most of which I will be crippled to some degree.

I cannot let this happen because I have several books in me that are being asked to be written and I thoroughly intend to write them, and go on lecture tours, and be here for my children and grandchildren. I would love to see my great-great-grandchildren and have a chance to love them and guide them, so to that end, I set myself on the path to physical and spiritual health.

I believe that a power greater than myself, whom I shall refer to as "ONE", can change me and give me the power to overcome my addiction. I know that I cannot do this change on my own because I have attempted this change over and over without any lasting effects. My whole body and mind craves sugar and carbohydrates and I panic when there are none to be had. Sometimes I have even eaten raw sugar all by itself when the cravings get bad.

ONE help me, I am weak when it comes to eating or drinking sugary substances. I shall be looking for an AA meeting close to me and hope they will not laugh, nor think slight of, my addiction to sugar. It is sugar which creates alcohol in alcoholic beverages, so maybe they will welcome me. From what AA teaches, it is necessary to go to an AA meeting at least daily in order to receive the support you need to fight your addiction. I have read the big book once in my life, a long time ago, but imagine that I should buy the book again so I can read what I need to know to be successful. The big book is the main book explaining the history and methods of Alcoholics Anonymous. One thing that is required is total anonymity in your meetings and in speaking to others about AA, so those that reach out to help me will be given different names than their own.

So we start in this moment, on this day, August 13, 2013, a Tuesday; a day of thunderstorms and lightning and we must go to see Dr. Kahn, my pain doctor, to get medical help. I am confident that dear ONE will take my cravings away and give me strength to get through this day. Thank you dear ONE.

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