I have had a problem with being judgmental all of my life. The first impressions (feelings) I received I would use to judge a person as someone I liked, or didn't like.
Problem with that is I have made so many bad calls in my life. Judging that I didn't "like" a person only to find out, in a short time, that they were marvelous people and became close friends, and trusting some people who then scammed me.
Each time I made an error in judgement I castigated myself and determined that I would stop making "instant" judgements. But, instead, I would meet a new person and once again judge too quickly.
What I have learned through lack of thoughtful jugement is that most people I meet are positive and are essentially good people. We all have flaws in our character. Some of us more than others, but none of us is perfect, with our foibles and quirks.
So in my prayers each day I would pray to overcome my weakness in feeling a need to be judgmental. I felt that if I couldn't stop making snap, bad, judgements, that I would never grow into a compassionate person.
About this time I read a short sentence that enlightened my mind, "If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words." An old Chinese proverb.
I thought about this a long while and finally came to a conclusion that has changed my life and helped me not to be negatively judgmental.
We all have the need to be able to size up a person when we meet them for the first time. Sometimes it is for business reasons; we are interviewing someone for a job, or are meeting a co-worker for the first time. Sometimes it is meeting a person on a personal level and need to know if they are trustworthy and/or if they have a positive or negative personality.
When I meet a new person for the first time now, I do not make any initial judgement, but closely listen to the words the person speaks and keep track in my mind of the number of positive things they say, and the number of negative things they say.
Say the person makes ten statements. Eight of the statements used uplifting and positive words and ideas, and two of the statements could be considered negative or deleterious. Overall, the person comes across as positive and trustworthy and so we give them a heads-up judgment call.
If the person, on the other hand, makes ten statements and eight of them are negative words or ideas, and only two of them are positive, then you would want to be cautious in your dealings with that person.
So, instead of relying on your own abilities to judge another person, you use a more scientific method of keeping track of the number of positive or negative things a person says.
We have all had experience with meeting people who poison our lives with their negative spirits, actions, or words. Now we can remain detached until we have enough evidence from the other person's own mouth to decide whether they are a positive or negative person.
Now, my judgements come not from mysterious "feelings" in my heart (although there is a place for such "feelings" later on) but from a more balanced and scientific thought process that counts positive and negative words and then makes a first conclusion based on data, not feelings alone.
I hope you have a wonderful day of rest and thoughtful reflection.
Your Friend, Davalene Hirsch
Tomorrow, my first days in New Jersey.
Problem with that is I have made so many bad calls in my life. Judging that I didn't "like" a person only to find out, in a short time, that they were marvelous people and became close friends, and trusting some people who then scammed me.
Each time I made an error in judgement I castigated myself and determined that I would stop making "instant" judgements. But, instead, I would meet a new person and once again judge too quickly.
What I have learned through lack of thoughtful jugement is that most people I meet are positive and are essentially good people. We all have flaws in our character. Some of us more than others, but none of us is perfect, with our foibles and quirks.
So in my prayers each day I would pray to overcome my weakness in feeling a need to be judgmental. I felt that if I couldn't stop making snap, bad, judgements, that I would never grow into a compassionate person.
About this time I read a short sentence that enlightened my mind, "If you wish to know the mind of a man, listen to his words." An old Chinese proverb.
I thought about this a long while and finally came to a conclusion that has changed my life and helped me not to be negatively judgmental.
We all have the need to be able to size up a person when we meet them for the first time. Sometimes it is for business reasons; we are interviewing someone for a job, or are meeting a co-worker for the first time. Sometimes it is meeting a person on a personal level and need to know if they are trustworthy and/or if they have a positive or negative personality.
When I meet a new person for the first time now, I do not make any initial judgement, but closely listen to the words the person speaks and keep track in my mind of the number of positive things they say, and the number of negative things they say.
Say the person makes ten statements. Eight of the statements used uplifting and positive words and ideas, and two of the statements could be considered negative or deleterious. Overall, the person comes across as positive and trustworthy and so we give them a heads-up judgment call.
If the person, on the other hand, makes ten statements and eight of them are negative words or ideas, and only two of them are positive, then you would want to be cautious in your dealings with that person.
So, instead of relying on your own abilities to judge another person, you use a more scientific method of keeping track of the number of positive or negative things a person says.
We have all had experience with meeting people who poison our lives with their negative spirits, actions, or words. Now we can remain detached until we have enough evidence from the other person's own mouth to decide whether they are a positive or negative person.
Now, my judgements come not from mysterious "feelings" in my heart (although there is a place for such "feelings" later on) but from a more balanced and scientific thought process that counts positive and negative words and then makes a first conclusion based on data, not feelings alone.
I hope you have a wonderful day of rest and thoughtful reflection.
Your Friend, Davalene Hirsch
Tomorrow, my first days in New Jersey.
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