Ann, Ed, and Glenna have finished their lunch in the Revisiting-Your-Life-Game room and prepare to watch a movie of her last life game.
THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter Forty
With that said the food and dishes disappeared from the room and we laid back in our recliners and relaxed. The room darkened as drapes slide across to cover the picture window; then a large screen appeared in front of where the window had been and on the screen was the picture of the inside of Quintard Hospital and Shirley was giving birth to little Ann. We heard a shrill scream and cry as the doctor slapped a little baby's bottom. I was born. I could feel the pain and sadness coming from my mother, but I also felt that she loved me and that that was what was causing her the pain and sadness.
We watched as I was put into an orphanage and mother could only visit on her days off. I was a good baby, and rarely cried without reason, but I could feel a strange sense of loss and knew that something was not right. As I lay for hours in the crib and held my own bottle, I felt frustration and longed to be held in the arms of someone who loved me. It hurt mother worse when she did come and saw that the babies were not held. I made my mother cry.
I was much happier after Ralph and Lucile adopted me, and I came to love them very much, but I did hold a bit of myself away that I saved for my mother; it was the loyal thing to do I thought. I did not realize that Lucile could feel that separation and that I hurt her very much.
I was a good baby until mom and dad adopted Charley, when I became really jealous and tried to take him out of his crib and thrown him away. As the years passed I could see on the screen the terrible suffering of Charley. I did not go to his rescue but instead got mad at him for stirring my mother up and getting us both in trouble. When mother cut his penis, I heard him scream and I ran to the door to see what was going on. When I saw the scene I immediately sought out safety for myself and went and hid under the covers of my bed. On the other hand, I saw myself sneak food to him when he was denied food and water. I saw all of the punishments that Charley and I suffered and I could see that I came to hate my mother. She would make us write Bible verses over and over for hours at a time. I knew the Ten Commandments by heart so I knew that it was wrong to hate your mother. As I watched the screen, I saw that I was not always the kindest or most loving person. However, I also saw that I repented of my many sins to the Lord that I loved. I also saw that I fell in love with Jesus and tried to walk in his pathway and when I strayed, I went to the altar of my church and humbled myself before him. ONE always forgave me my sins and I would go out and try to be the best that I could be.
As I watched the screen and saw myself grow into a pre-teen I saw the molestations occur. I felt embarrassed that I had been such an easy mark and had not had the sense to tell my parents what was going on. I felt guilt that I had somehow been partially responsible for the molestations. I stole $10.00 from my mom to go to San Diego from Santa Barbara. Then I lied to the police about there being any problems in my family. My one chance to change things, and I blew it.
I saw myself in my teen years and how Charley and I stole from our parents at the Swirley Cream; then, how I embarrassed Herbert by comparing him to Harold the wrestler. I saw myself get into the wrestler's car and wondered how I could have been so dumb. Finally, I did the unforgiveable and dated a sailor.
I saw myself give into Charles' sexual demands and that was surely a sin, but what was a worse sin was trying to abort a baby, (who existed in my mind only), with a wire hangar. Surely intent is what counts, however I repented of my sin at the time and never tried it again. Then I saw the love affairs that I had while I was engaged to Charles and he was overseas, and I just cringe at those sins. I topped everything off by running away from home when I turned 18, and that really hurt mom.
Finally I saw myself as a young adult who was married, but not to a man that I was passionately in love with, and that was never fair to him. I was cold to Charles physically and became an ice maiden. I also became over-religious in an attempt to compensate for all the sins I had committed in my youth.
Tomorrow Ann continues to be struck with horror at all of her sins as she finishes watching the movie of her last life game.
THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter Forty
With that said the food and dishes disappeared from the room and we laid back in our recliners and relaxed. The room darkened as drapes slide across to cover the picture window; then a large screen appeared in front of where the window had been and on the screen was the picture of the inside of Quintard Hospital and Shirley was giving birth to little Ann. We heard a shrill scream and cry as the doctor slapped a little baby's bottom. I was born. I could feel the pain and sadness coming from my mother, but I also felt that she loved me and that that was what was causing her the pain and sadness.
We watched as I was put into an orphanage and mother could only visit on her days off. I was a good baby, and rarely cried without reason, but I could feel a strange sense of loss and knew that something was not right. As I lay for hours in the crib and held my own bottle, I felt frustration and longed to be held in the arms of someone who loved me. It hurt mother worse when she did come and saw that the babies were not held. I made my mother cry.
I was much happier after Ralph and Lucile adopted me, and I came to love them very much, but I did hold a bit of myself away that I saved for my mother; it was the loyal thing to do I thought. I did not realize that Lucile could feel that separation and that I hurt her very much.
I was a good baby until mom and dad adopted Charley, when I became really jealous and tried to take him out of his crib and thrown him away. As the years passed I could see on the screen the terrible suffering of Charley. I did not go to his rescue but instead got mad at him for stirring my mother up and getting us both in trouble. When mother cut his penis, I heard him scream and I ran to the door to see what was going on. When I saw the scene I immediately sought out safety for myself and went and hid under the covers of my bed. On the other hand, I saw myself sneak food to him when he was denied food and water. I saw all of the punishments that Charley and I suffered and I could see that I came to hate my mother. She would make us write Bible verses over and over for hours at a time. I knew the Ten Commandments by heart so I knew that it was wrong to hate your mother. As I watched the screen, I saw that I was not always the kindest or most loving person. However, I also saw that I repented of my many sins to the Lord that I loved. I also saw that I fell in love with Jesus and tried to walk in his pathway and when I strayed, I went to the altar of my church and humbled myself before him. ONE always forgave me my sins and I would go out and try to be the best that I could be.
As I watched the screen and saw myself grow into a pre-teen I saw the molestations occur. I felt embarrassed that I had been such an easy mark and had not had the sense to tell my parents what was going on. I felt guilt that I had somehow been partially responsible for the molestations. I stole $10.00 from my mom to go to San Diego from Santa Barbara. Then I lied to the police about there being any problems in my family. My one chance to change things, and I blew it.
I saw myself in my teen years and how Charley and I stole from our parents at the Swirley Cream; then, how I embarrassed Herbert by comparing him to Harold the wrestler. I saw myself get into the wrestler's car and wondered how I could have been so dumb. Finally, I did the unforgiveable and dated a sailor.
I saw myself give into Charles' sexual demands and that was surely a sin, but what was a worse sin was trying to abort a baby, (who existed in my mind only), with a wire hangar. Surely intent is what counts, however I repented of my sin at the time and never tried it again. Then I saw the love affairs that I had while I was engaged to Charles and he was overseas, and I just cringe at those sins. I topped everything off by running away from home when I turned 18, and that really hurt mom.
Finally I saw myself as a young adult who was married, but not to a man that I was passionately in love with, and that was never fair to him. I was cold to Charles physically and became an ice maiden. I also became over-religious in an attempt to compensate for all the sins I had committed in my youth.
Tomorrow Ann continues to be struck with horror at all of her sins as she finishes watching the movie of her last life game.
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