Ann has just finished watching the film of her last life game and is embarrassed by her many faults, but Paul, Ed, and Glenna persuade her to re-watch the film to spot positive actions and motives.
THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter Forty One
I took my hands down from my eyes and gave Glenna and Ed a hug. "I'm o.k.," I said. "It's all right to continue. I will look at the movie again and I will look for the loving moments this time. Please help me out if I don't catch on right away."
With that said, Paul motioned and the scenes of my birth came into view again. It was an emotional scene, but I could clearly see that my mother loved me, and it was very plain that I loved her very much. I was fortunate in life to have two mothers who loved me. Pictures of myself as a baby came up and I could hear mother (Lucile) telling me what a good baby I was because I was so giving. I remember deciding to always be giving if that would bring people's love to me.
I remember, very early in life, deciding that if love is what people needed then I would supply the love. I did not think that I loved Charley very much, but I know now that I did love him dearly and was very worried about the suffering he was going through even when he and I were little children. I always feared Charley a little because he could be violent, but through all the years I was never totally happy when I did not know where my brother might be, or in what state his health was.
Daddy taught me all about loving other people and I tried to act like him all of my life. He never met a person he didn't love and respect. If daddy had had his way, all the people of the world would be in his family. That is where I got the idea that one day, when I was old and gray, I would sit down to a Thanksgiving dinner and look around the table and see people from all the nationalities on Earth as a part of my own family. It was a colorful and happy family filled with love for each other.
As the film moved along, I could see that I would do many things that were wrong, because they would hurt other people, but I also saw that I would repent and start again on the road to love. Such a road it would be; rocky, tumultuous, and blister-giving. Each time I would fall down, I would pick myself up and try again and each time I learned to love a bit more freely.
"Remember the incident when you were a young girl," said Paul, "and saw the 'loneliest' boy in class a few days before Valentine's Day, and thought that he would probably not receive many valentines on Valentine's Day? Remember how you took your money and bought a large Valentine for Al and signed it from yourself and the rest of the class?"
On Valentine's Day everyone put their Valentines in the Valentine box and then sat back down and waited with baited breath until they were passed back out to us. There was always the worry that you would not receive even one Valentine and what an outcast you would be then, While we watched the torturous process of the distributing of the Valentines by the teacher all any of us could think of was who would get the most Valentines. Suddenly there was a tiny shriek, and we all turned around and Al had received the Valentine I had bought for him. He sat with a shocked look on his face and then said a "thank you" to all of the class. Everyone was shocked that this unpopular kid had gotten this big beautiful store-bought card and it was all over school that day that Al had gotten the biggest Valentine of all time. Al was just busting with pride and my heart swelled with joy to see him so happy, after all I understood Al's pain; I was the most unpopular girl in the room; I had only received two Valentines.
"You started telling all of your friends about ONE when you were three years old," said Glenna, "and continued until you were married, and then you were a regular Sunday School teacher. You always told stories of ONE and the heroes of the Old and New Testaments. When you were an adult you worked as a teacher and leader of the primary organization in the L.D.S. Church. Your entire goal was to teach the children to love ONE and the Church."
"When you became Jewish you wrote poetry about ONE," said Paul, "and it was full of love and joy. Then you had your own family and you taught them until the day that you died that ONE loved all of his children and wants more than anything that all of His children love Him, but that He gave them freedom of choice to do so; or not. It is true that you went through periods of time that you did not pray, and you did not worship, instead you actually swore at ONE and would have none of His presence. Those were black days and the days were filled with very high levels of anxiety. You could not stay away from ONE for very long and would wind up apologizing to Him and joining Him in loving conversation-as all people have the right and privilege to do. We all instinctively seek after ONE and try to figure out how He would have us live our lives, and when we find a path to ONE, we fervently follow it. Even in your last days you were writing letters to all of your children and grandchildren explaining the joys of following the guidance of ONE. You encouraged everyone to read all of the Holy Scriptures of all peoples on the Earth in order to find the correct path for themselves, and all of the paths and scriptures led surely to ONE, if read with a heart full of love. We may not agree on some matters of the living of our personal lives, but it is all good if it all boils down to love."
Tomorrow, Ann gets the answer as to whether, or not, she won her last life game and can continue on in Heaven eternally.
THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter Forty One
I took my hands down from my eyes and gave Glenna and Ed a hug. "I'm o.k.," I said. "It's all right to continue. I will look at the movie again and I will look for the loving moments this time. Please help me out if I don't catch on right away."
With that said, Paul motioned and the scenes of my birth came into view again. It was an emotional scene, but I could clearly see that my mother loved me, and it was very plain that I loved her very much. I was fortunate in life to have two mothers who loved me. Pictures of myself as a baby came up and I could hear mother (Lucile) telling me what a good baby I was because I was so giving. I remember deciding to always be giving if that would bring people's love to me.
I remember, very early in life, deciding that if love is what people needed then I would supply the love. I did not think that I loved Charley very much, but I know now that I did love him dearly and was very worried about the suffering he was going through even when he and I were little children. I always feared Charley a little because he could be violent, but through all the years I was never totally happy when I did not know where my brother might be, or in what state his health was.
Daddy taught me all about loving other people and I tried to act like him all of my life. He never met a person he didn't love and respect. If daddy had had his way, all the people of the world would be in his family. That is where I got the idea that one day, when I was old and gray, I would sit down to a Thanksgiving dinner and look around the table and see people from all the nationalities on Earth as a part of my own family. It was a colorful and happy family filled with love for each other.
As the film moved along, I could see that I would do many things that were wrong, because they would hurt other people, but I also saw that I would repent and start again on the road to love. Such a road it would be; rocky, tumultuous, and blister-giving. Each time I would fall down, I would pick myself up and try again and each time I learned to love a bit more freely.
"Remember the incident when you were a young girl," said Paul, "and saw the 'loneliest' boy in class a few days before Valentine's Day, and thought that he would probably not receive many valentines on Valentine's Day? Remember how you took your money and bought a large Valentine for Al and signed it from yourself and the rest of the class?"
On Valentine's Day everyone put their Valentines in the Valentine box and then sat back down and waited with baited breath until they were passed back out to us. There was always the worry that you would not receive even one Valentine and what an outcast you would be then, While we watched the torturous process of the distributing of the Valentines by the teacher all any of us could think of was who would get the most Valentines. Suddenly there was a tiny shriek, and we all turned around and Al had received the Valentine I had bought for him. He sat with a shocked look on his face and then said a "thank you" to all of the class. Everyone was shocked that this unpopular kid had gotten this big beautiful store-bought card and it was all over school that day that Al had gotten the biggest Valentine of all time. Al was just busting with pride and my heart swelled with joy to see him so happy, after all I understood Al's pain; I was the most unpopular girl in the room; I had only received two Valentines.
"You started telling all of your friends about ONE when you were three years old," said Glenna, "and continued until you were married, and then you were a regular Sunday School teacher. You always told stories of ONE and the heroes of the Old and New Testaments. When you were an adult you worked as a teacher and leader of the primary organization in the L.D.S. Church. Your entire goal was to teach the children to love ONE and the Church."
"When you became Jewish you wrote poetry about ONE," said Paul, "and it was full of love and joy. Then you had your own family and you taught them until the day that you died that ONE loved all of his children and wants more than anything that all of His children love Him, but that He gave them freedom of choice to do so; or not. It is true that you went through periods of time that you did not pray, and you did not worship, instead you actually swore at ONE and would have none of His presence. Those were black days and the days were filled with very high levels of anxiety. You could not stay away from ONE for very long and would wind up apologizing to Him and joining Him in loving conversation-as all people have the right and privilege to do. We all instinctively seek after ONE and try to figure out how He would have us live our lives, and when we find a path to ONE, we fervently follow it. Even in your last days you were writing letters to all of your children and grandchildren explaining the joys of following the guidance of ONE. You encouraged everyone to read all of the Holy Scriptures of all peoples on the Earth in order to find the correct path for themselves, and all of the paths and scriptures led surely to ONE, if read with a heart full of love. We may not agree on some matters of the living of our personal lives, but it is all good if it all boils down to love."
Tomorrow, Ann gets the answer as to whether, or not, she won her last life game and can continue on in Heaven eternally.
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