Ann finds out she is pregnant for the fourth time and then tragically looses the little girl at Christmas time.
THE GOD GAMES : Heaven & Hell...Chapte 21...HELL
We were in El Cajon First Ward (Church) and the people of the Ward received us with great joy and made us feel right at home. We had a lovely neighbor next door, Lois and her four children, who would become part of our family as the years passed. She had a daughter, Lori, who happily became our babysitter.
We had hardly moved in than my mother wanted us to come to Tucson, Arizona for a visit. It was the summer time and Debby was out of school so I decided to make the trip. It was beautiful in Tucson in the summer, with the Joshua trees at their finest, and the sunsets were something that created an early evening ritual. About 5:00 p.m. everyone brought out their chairs to watch the sunset and the sunsets were so magnificent that nobody went inside until the full night had fallen. Oh, the colors that painted the sky!
However, I began to suspect that I was pregnant again, and this birth would be very close to Charlie's; not the hoped for three years apart. I was surprised that I was pregnant because after Charlie's birth I had had an Inter Uterine Device (i.u.d.) implanted and I was not suppose to get pregnant, but I had just covenanted with ONE to have the children he wanted me to have, so I was very happy.
Then one night I had a very vivid dream. I dreamt that Charles was in our home and having a big party. I dreamed that he was having his way with several women. In my dream I came home to find this, and got very mad and tore the house apart; I woke up in a sweat, and with the terrible feeling that the dream was real in some of its facets. I got up to return to San Diego that very day. Mom didn't understand why I had to leave so quickly, but I gathered up the children in an hour and we headed back home. When I got there, Charles was at home, which was unusual, but the house didn't appear to have had a party.
I got the children settled, and everything unpacked, and then I sat down with Charles and told him that we were going to have another child; that I was pregnant. Charles thought that was grand and was not angry at me for having another child so soon, which made me very happy, but I had these mixed feelings about Charles and so I went to see the Bishop for a priesthood blessing. The Bishop did not laugh at me, in fact he took me very seriously and asked me a lot of questions about our home life, then he gave me a blessing and I felt much better.
The pregnancy did not go as smoothly as my other pregnancies had. I was very sick, and had pains in my stomach. My gynecologist was worried about the i.u.d. and even had me have an x-ray to see if he could spot it, but he could find no evidence of any i.u.d. in my system, so he just counseled me to be very careful and rest a lot. I laughed inside at that because when you have three small children rest is not in your vocabulary, but I ate well and took vitamins and minerals, and I rested when I could.
The months passed and Christmas time was here with all of the excitement. Then, three days before Christmas, I was wrapping presents and putting them under the tree, when I suddenly started to bleed heavily. Charles immediately drove me to the hospital. I was sobbing because I was only six months along and knew that any baby born now would not survive. They put us in an elevator to go up to the maternity unit. There was a young man in the elevator who came up to my stretcher and bent over me. "Mother," he said, "do not worry, everything is going to be all right." He had the sweetest smile and I felt that everything would be all right. I stopped crying and began to pray with confidence that ONE would intercede and somehow save this child's life.
Hours passed, and then a long day, as I lay in labor. The doctor tried all of the medicines to stop the contractions but nothing helped. As I lay having contractions, the doctor came into the room and sat by my side. He said that I would have to go through with this labor, but maybe the child would be born weighing under a pound, and in that case, we wouldn't have to have a funeral because if the child weighed under a pound they would just incinerate it. I held my cool and finally the doctor left. I changed my prayers, I began to ask ONE to let my child weigh at least a pound and to be able to take a breath.
The hours were long but finally I was wheeled into delivery. My prayers had not stopped for even a moment and they did not stop now. Then the baby was delivered and there was no cry. I begged the doctor; "is she breathing?"
The doctor said yes she was breathing but was too weak to cry. They said that she would only live a short time, then they weighed her and she was 1 lb. 1 oz. I was so happy; she was alive, she had taken a breath, and she weighed enough that we would get to have a funeral; thank you ONE, thank you. I lay there on that bed and praised ONE and decided that since our baby was a Christman miracle that I would call her Carol, for she was our Christmas Carol. I also named her Lucile after my mother; Lucile means light and she was Carol Lucile, a song of light.
They let Charles asnd I see her for ten minutes, but we were not allowed to hold her or touch her, we just saw this remarkable young lady; 12 inches long with black hair and dark eyes; so tiny, so beautiful, such a gift from ONE. Carol lived for two hours, and blessed us as much as if she had lived thirty years. We had a little funeral for her, and we could not find it in our hearts to mourn, for she had brought such a happy joyous spirit into our home.
You understand, that two days after the funeral, in the dark of one midnight, I had a passionate drive to be near her and got into a car that had only one headlight working, and made it to the cemetary; thirty miles away. There, I sat by her grave for two hours and mourned; then I thanked God again for giving her to us even for such a short time. I was able to go back home then and finish raising the children ONE had given us to raise. The doctor said that the i.u.d. had gotten lost in my womb and had caused a placenta previa, and that was why we had lost Carol. Charles and I determined that we would wait the six months the doctor told us to wait, and then try for aother child.
Tomorrow Ann reveals her housekeeping habits and the birth of two more children...
THE GOD GAMES : Heaven & Hell...Chapte 21...HELL
We were in El Cajon First Ward (Church) and the people of the Ward received us with great joy and made us feel right at home. We had a lovely neighbor next door, Lois and her four children, who would become part of our family as the years passed. She had a daughter, Lori, who happily became our babysitter.
We had hardly moved in than my mother wanted us to come to Tucson, Arizona for a visit. It was the summer time and Debby was out of school so I decided to make the trip. It was beautiful in Tucson in the summer, with the Joshua trees at their finest, and the sunsets were something that created an early evening ritual. About 5:00 p.m. everyone brought out their chairs to watch the sunset and the sunsets were so magnificent that nobody went inside until the full night had fallen. Oh, the colors that painted the sky!
However, I began to suspect that I was pregnant again, and this birth would be very close to Charlie's; not the hoped for three years apart. I was surprised that I was pregnant because after Charlie's birth I had had an Inter Uterine Device (i.u.d.) implanted and I was not suppose to get pregnant, but I had just covenanted with ONE to have the children he wanted me to have, so I was very happy.
Then one night I had a very vivid dream. I dreamt that Charles was in our home and having a big party. I dreamed that he was having his way with several women. In my dream I came home to find this, and got very mad and tore the house apart; I woke up in a sweat, and with the terrible feeling that the dream was real in some of its facets. I got up to return to San Diego that very day. Mom didn't understand why I had to leave so quickly, but I gathered up the children in an hour and we headed back home. When I got there, Charles was at home, which was unusual, but the house didn't appear to have had a party.
I got the children settled, and everything unpacked, and then I sat down with Charles and told him that we were going to have another child; that I was pregnant. Charles thought that was grand and was not angry at me for having another child so soon, which made me very happy, but I had these mixed feelings about Charles and so I went to see the Bishop for a priesthood blessing. The Bishop did not laugh at me, in fact he took me very seriously and asked me a lot of questions about our home life, then he gave me a blessing and I felt much better.
The pregnancy did not go as smoothly as my other pregnancies had. I was very sick, and had pains in my stomach. My gynecologist was worried about the i.u.d. and even had me have an x-ray to see if he could spot it, but he could find no evidence of any i.u.d. in my system, so he just counseled me to be very careful and rest a lot. I laughed inside at that because when you have three small children rest is not in your vocabulary, but I ate well and took vitamins and minerals, and I rested when I could.
The months passed and Christmas time was here with all of the excitement. Then, three days before Christmas, I was wrapping presents and putting them under the tree, when I suddenly started to bleed heavily. Charles immediately drove me to the hospital. I was sobbing because I was only six months along and knew that any baby born now would not survive. They put us in an elevator to go up to the maternity unit. There was a young man in the elevator who came up to my stretcher and bent over me. "Mother," he said, "do not worry, everything is going to be all right." He had the sweetest smile and I felt that everything would be all right. I stopped crying and began to pray with confidence that ONE would intercede and somehow save this child's life.
Hours passed, and then a long day, as I lay in labor. The doctor tried all of the medicines to stop the contractions but nothing helped. As I lay having contractions, the doctor came into the room and sat by my side. He said that I would have to go through with this labor, but maybe the child would be born weighing under a pound, and in that case, we wouldn't have to have a funeral because if the child weighed under a pound they would just incinerate it. I held my cool and finally the doctor left. I changed my prayers, I began to ask ONE to let my child weigh at least a pound and to be able to take a breath.
The hours were long but finally I was wheeled into delivery. My prayers had not stopped for even a moment and they did not stop now. Then the baby was delivered and there was no cry. I begged the doctor; "is she breathing?"
The doctor said yes she was breathing but was too weak to cry. They said that she would only live a short time, then they weighed her and she was 1 lb. 1 oz. I was so happy; she was alive, she had taken a breath, and she weighed enough that we would get to have a funeral; thank you ONE, thank you. I lay there on that bed and praised ONE and decided that since our baby was a Christman miracle that I would call her Carol, for she was our Christmas Carol. I also named her Lucile after my mother; Lucile means light and she was Carol Lucile, a song of light.
They let Charles asnd I see her for ten minutes, but we were not allowed to hold her or touch her, we just saw this remarkable young lady; 12 inches long with black hair and dark eyes; so tiny, so beautiful, such a gift from ONE. Carol lived for two hours, and blessed us as much as if she had lived thirty years. We had a little funeral for her, and we could not find it in our hearts to mourn, for she had brought such a happy joyous spirit into our home.
You understand, that two days after the funeral, in the dark of one midnight, I had a passionate drive to be near her and got into a car that had only one headlight working, and made it to the cemetary; thirty miles away. There, I sat by her grave for two hours and mourned; then I thanked God again for giving her to us even for such a short time. I was able to go back home then and finish raising the children ONE had given us to raise. The doctor said that the i.u.d. had gotten lost in my womb and had caused a placenta previa, and that was why we had lost Carol. Charles and I determined that we would wait the six months the doctor told us to wait, and then try for aother child.
Tomorrow Ann reveals her housekeeping habits and the birth of two more children...
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