Charles begins to abuse the children and Ann visits a Synagogue once she learns that she is partly Jewish.
THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 23...HELL.
Charles had started to take out his anger against life on our children. For 11 years of our marriage he had been gone overseas. He had not spent much time with all the children, and their noise, and just the presence of five cildren all at once in a house that was 900 square feet in total-and had one bathroom-was very difficult for him. He wanted total quiet when he came home exhausted from a day of teaching and there was no place to escape to; our walls were thin and there was no television in our bedroom. So he would just go "out." "Out," meant into the arms and home of someone else; my neighbor, who was my "friend," or one of several other of my "friends." Why he had to pick my friends to fool around with I never understood, but they would eventually feel really guilty and come and confess to me. Yet I haven't even addressed the real problem yet, and that was physical violence towards our children. It wasn't that he would beat them, or spank them over-hard, it was just that at some moment he would "break"-maybe the children were fighting verbally, or one child would hit the other-and he would jump out of his chair and backhand one of them, or fling them against a wall, and then stomp out of the house. Maybe we would be driving along and a fight would break out and he would lose his cool and start driving fast and erratically. The children and I would be screaming and begging him to slow down, and eventually he would. I began to suspect that Charles had an emotional problem also, and I asked him to talk to Dr. LaMar about it. Charles said that he didn't have any problems and that he would not ask for any help; or take any medication. It was when he said that, that I decided the marriage could not go on. I loved him and cared about him, but I loved my children more, and was unwilling to put them through any more physical or mental damage. Our marriage was ended, and we filed for divorce. We used the same lawyer and had no disagreements as to how things should be divided. It was an amicable divorce; I received full custody of the children and he was to pay child support and the second mortgage on the house. I, on the other hand, signed over my rights to his Navy retirement, and received the house as my part of the bargain. We both felt that the agreement was fair. The judge left open the right for me to receive spousal support, but I never pursued that option.
CHAPTER 24...
Then there were the religious issues that came up. When Charles had done the genealogy on my birth mother, he had found out that my maternal grandfather was German Jewish: Harry Block. There was no question about my grandfather being Jewish. Now that did not automatically make me Jewish-by Jewish law that is. According to Jewish law, being Jewish comes through the mother; from mother to daughter, and so on down, and my mother's mother was English, not Jewish. Therefore I was not a Jew, even though I had always prayed to be Jewish and to find out that I had a Jewish family. Nevertheless, the reason for a lot of feelings became clear to me, and it became very clear to me that I am Jewish-despite what Jewish law said.
However, in fact, I was an active Christian and loved Jesus Christ-who is Jewish also-and I didn't feel like there was too much of a dichotomy for my soul to bear by loving two religions. I felt a tremendous draw to go to see a rabbi and be in a synagogue, and try to see if a rabbi would consider me crazy. I went to the yellow pages and looked up synagogues. I chose, for no paricular reason, Congregation Beth Simcha, in San Diego, not too far from my home.
I called the synagogue office and made an appointment with the rabbi, Rabbi Sams. Rabbi Sams was very kind and supportive. We told him that Charles had found out, while doing genealogy, that his father was actually Russian Jewish, or rather that they had originally been German Jews who had immigrated to southwestern Russia when Catherine the Great had colonized the area with German Jewish farmers. The rabbi told Charles that he was from the same family of German Jews as his family. Then we told the rabbi that I had been adopted and that my grandfather was Harry Block, who was a German Jew, but the rabbi said that it would be highly unlikely for a Jewish girl to give up her baby to a non-Jewish family and that although I may have a grandfather who was Jewish, if my mother was not Jewish, that I would not be Jewish. However, he invited us to come to services anytime we would like to come.
Tomorrow, Ann explores Judaism, the Jewish Missionary Program and meets Mr. Wishnak.
THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 23...HELL.
Charles had started to take out his anger against life on our children. For 11 years of our marriage he had been gone overseas. He had not spent much time with all the children, and their noise, and just the presence of five cildren all at once in a house that was 900 square feet in total-and had one bathroom-was very difficult for him. He wanted total quiet when he came home exhausted from a day of teaching and there was no place to escape to; our walls were thin and there was no television in our bedroom. So he would just go "out." "Out," meant into the arms and home of someone else; my neighbor, who was my "friend," or one of several other of my "friends." Why he had to pick my friends to fool around with I never understood, but they would eventually feel really guilty and come and confess to me. Yet I haven't even addressed the real problem yet, and that was physical violence towards our children. It wasn't that he would beat them, or spank them over-hard, it was just that at some moment he would "break"-maybe the children were fighting verbally, or one child would hit the other-and he would jump out of his chair and backhand one of them, or fling them against a wall, and then stomp out of the house. Maybe we would be driving along and a fight would break out and he would lose his cool and start driving fast and erratically. The children and I would be screaming and begging him to slow down, and eventually he would. I began to suspect that Charles had an emotional problem also, and I asked him to talk to Dr. LaMar about it. Charles said that he didn't have any problems and that he would not ask for any help; or take any medication. It was when he said that, that I decided the marriage could not go on. I loved him and cared about him, but I loved my children more, and was unwilling to put them through any more physical or mental damage. Our marriage was ended, and we filed for divorce. We used the same lawyer and had no disagreements as to how things should be divided. It was an amicable divorce; I received full custody of the children and he was to pay child support and the second mortgage on the house. I, on the other hand, signed over my rights to his Navy retirement, and received the house as my part of the bargain. We both felt that the agreement was fair. The judge left open the right for me to receive spousal support, but I never pursued that option.
CHAPTER 24...
Then there were the religious issues that came up. When Charles had done the genealogy on my birth mother, he had found out that my maternal grandfather was German Jewish: Harry Block. There was no question about my grandfather being Jewish. Now that did not automatically make me Jewish-by Jewish law that is. According to Jewish law, being Jewish comes through the mother; from mother to daughter, and so on down, and my mother's mother was English, not Jewish. Therefore I was not a Jew, even though I had always prayed to be Jewish and to find out that I had a Jewish family. Nevertheless, the reason for a lot of feelings became clear to me, and it became very clear to me that I am Jewish-despite what Jewish law said.
However, in fact, I was an active Christian and loved Jesus Christ-who is Jewish also-and I didn't feel like there was too much of a dichotomy for my soul to bear by loving two religions. I felt a tremendous draw to go to see a rabbi and be in a synagogue, and try to see if a rabbi would consider me crazy. I went to the yellow pages and looked up synagogues. I chose, for no paricular reason, Congregation Beth Simcha, in San Diego, not too far from my home.
I called the synagogue office and made an appointment with the rabbi, Rabbi Sams. Rabbi Sams was very kind and supportive. We told him that Charles had found out, while doing genealogy, that his father was actually Russian Jewish, or rather that they had originally been German Jews who had immigrated to southwestern Russia when Catherine the Great had colonized the area with German Jewish farmers. The rabbi told Charles that he was from the same family of German Jews as his family. Then we told the rabbi that I had been adopted and that my grandfather was Harry Block, who was a German Jew, but the rabbi said that it would be highly unlikely for a Jewish girl to give up her baby to a non-Jewish family and that although I may have a grandfather who was Jewish, if my mother was not Jewish, that I would not be Jewish. However, he invited us to come to services anytime we would like to come.
Tomorrow, Ann explores Judaism, the Jewish Missionary Program and meets Mr. Wishnak.
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