Tuesday, May 8, 2012

MOTHER: THE ABUSER WAS ABUSED HERSELF

Today, Ann reflects upon the abuse her mother suffered as a girl and her new relationship with Charles Albert.

THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 19...HELL

My mother, ONE bless her soul, had had a hard life. She was the second girl and when she was born, and the midwife told my grandfather that he had had another girl, he went into grandma's bedroom, grabbed mother and threw her into a snow bank. She was quickly rescued, but she was not noticed by her father from that day on. Of course, she adored her father and never had her adoration returned.

Grandfather and grandmother went on to have six children, three girls and three boys, but soon after the youngest boy was born, they got a divorce. It was never discussed what caused the divorce, but I believe it was a fact that a horse had kicked him in the head and he had turned mean. Anyway, divorce was very rare in Minnesota in the early 1900's and my grandmother never got over the shame. The older girls had to help in the house and then they took in laundry and scrubbed floors for their neighbors.

Mother studied hard and worked hard, and then when she was done working she was soundly beaten by her mother. That just made mother stronger and more determined to make something of her life and to have the beautiful things she dreamed of. At the time, there were only a few jobs that women could have, and that was teaching, nursing, or being a housewife. Mother chose nursing and graduated from Fergus Falls Nursing College in the early 1930's. Mom was an early feminist and was determined that she was going to own property in her own name one day. After graduation a group of the girls got into an old tin lizzy and came across country to San Diego where they wanted to work. They had many adventures as women didn't travel alone in those days, because for part of the way there were no real roads and you had to trek over open country; but they made it safely to their destination. I was very proud of her. She was the best nurse possible. Her patients loved her, particularly one young man in the Coronado Hospital who fell in love with her at first sight. He ended up marrying her, but he had to join the Brethren Church first, and become very religious. Of course, that was daddy. They married on August 15, 1940.

Christmas was mother's favorite time of the year and she really made the home beautiful and cooked and baked so many goodies for us. I remember that her fruit cakes were so scrumptious that Charley and I used to sneak pieces all day long. One thing about Christmas that was the best thing for Charley and I, was that on Christmas we never got spanked or punished.

The Christmas of 1961 was no exception. The house shone and the ornaments glowed red, gold, green, blue, and silver. Candles reflected off of rosewood, and the table was decorated in the best linen, crystal, china, and silver. I would just sit and stare at it.

Well, Charles Albert had family in San Diego at the time; his Grandma Vivian, and his Uncle Dale and Aunt Glendora. Mother had me invite them over to dinner for Christmas. It was a wonderful day as we announced our engagement, and daddy cooked the dinner. Charles' had a wonderful family. I fell in love with them all, and they gave me their stamp of approval for me to belong to their family.

Charles was something else. He had been overseas in the Pacific Ocean to Japan and the Phillippines, and he had gained much worldly knowledge and experience in the arena of sex. He bragged to me of his conquests and then turned his skills onto me. I folded quickly and was seduced by his passion. To his credit, he immediately asked me to marry him and I said yes. Sex turned out to be fantastic, and it lasted that way for me for exactly two months.

Charles had to go overseas for six months shortly after Christmas that year. I missed him terribly, but soon smething else would take over my mind; I thought that I was pregnant. I had no idea what the signs of being pregnant were, but I had missed my period and I was scared to death. What would I tell my mother? She would kill me, maybe literally, if she thought I had had sex. So I did what I had read about in some sleazy magazine, or overheard at school (I was still in High School).

I got a wire clothes hanger and straightened it out. Then I lay down on my mother's bed and stuck the wire up my private part. I stabbed around for a while, trying to abort the child, but then I realized that I had no idea of what I was doing. I didn't know what the parts of my personal parts were, or where they lay. I had no idea of the names of the parts, and no idea where a baby would be in those parts, so I took the wire out of me, folded it up and threw it away. Then I got down on my knees and prayed for forgiveness, and prayed that somehow I wouldn't be pregnant.

The next morning my period started. I was so happy. I thanked ONE and thanked ONE, then I sat down and wrote Charles a letter. Several weeks later I got a letter from Charles saying how stupid I was, and offering no comfort at all.

The Swirley Kream folded. Mom and dad owed thousands of dollars to creditors. They refused to go bankrupt, so daddy found a chef's job out of town, and mother worked as a nurse and went to work at a real estate office while she went to school to get a real estate broker's license.


Tomorrow Ann runs away from home and then marries Charles Albert...

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