This chapter, which will take three days to write, is definetly "R" rated and deals with a very difficult subject from the viewpoint of the child. It is not easy reading and I caution you that it is explicit. It is true and no punches are pulled. I include this story because it impacted Ann's entire life.
THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 18...(HELL)
My pastor used to say the oddest things. He said that ONE would never let a man go to the moon, that we were all and forever, Earthbound. He said that television was a sin and that ONE would destroy the people who made television. Also dancing was a sin; and makeup; and earrings; and boys would always lead you astray. I hadn't a clue as to what he was saying, but all the negatives didn't sound like the ONE I knew, so I tuned him out. The pastor asked us how we knew that ONE loved us. I said because you could feel him loving you in your heart. The pastor said the way we knew was because it said so in the Bible. I wondered if he had ever heard ONE telling him that He loved him in his heart, and if not, why was he a preacher at all. As I've said, I have always been a rebel.
Since we moved so much, I couldn't go to the Brethren Church, so instead I spent most of my youth in the Baptist Church and going to Youth for Christ. I taught Sunday School to the little children and played the piano in Junior Sunday School. I would beg my mother to go to church with me but both she and my dad had a more pressing religion; Horse Racing. It consumed almost all of their time handicapping the races and then making bets with their bookies. They seemed to do very well. It was the Racing Form that was the Bible in our house. I got back at them by carrying my Bible everywhere I went, even in school. I guess that's the reason I was the Bible Club President.
Anyway, if one of the religions had had the foresight to teach me about talking to strangers, I would have been much better off in life. However, they, nor my parents, didn't.
I was nine years old and we had been working on the house all day. Mother had a craving for a bacon and tomatoe sandwich so she said to go to the grocery store, about six blocks away, and to hurry because it was going to get dark soon. I grabbed one of my stuffed animals, a purple dog, to keep me company, and started out. I got the groceries and as I left the store I could see that it was indeed getting dark, but I wasn't too scared.
As I was walking down the street I heard a small voice telling me to run and hide. "Run and hide, Ann!" it said, but I ignored the voice and thought I was just hearing things. Suddenly a car stopped next to me and a man asked me for directions to Christmas Tree Lane (we lived in Pasadena at the time). I told him it was three blocks straight ahead and then a left turn. The car moved forward a little more, and then stopped and a pleasant looking man got out of the car and said, "It looks like you have a lot of groceries to carry; if you could show me were Christmas Tree Lane is I would then give you a lift home."
Being totally naive, I said, "sure." He helped me get into the car and put the groceries and my stuffed dog into the back seat behind me, and then we started to drive. I directed him to Christmas Tree Lane and he turned onto it and then said, "Would you like to play a game? It's called 'Find the Wiener'." I said, "Please, I just want to go home." By then I had begun to pray, but I thought maybe if I played his game he would take me home.
He said the way the game was played is that I look in your pocket for a weiner, and if I can't find it, then you look in my pocket for a weiner, and we play the game until we find the weiner.
He looked in my jacket pocket and couldn't find the weiner, so he had me look in his jacket pocket and I couldn't find it. Next he looked in my pants pocket and couldn't find the weiner, so then he wanted me to look in his pants pocket for a weiner. I began to panic. I didn't want to look in his pocket at all. I thought about jumping out of the car but the groceries and my dog were in the back seat, where I couldn't reach them, and if I went home without the groceries I would be beat, so I stayed in the car and prayed harder. He took my hand and forced it into his pants pocket; there was no weiner there.
Then he put his hands down my pants and began to feel my personal parts. I was terrified and afraid I was about to die. I stared crying and screaming, and I was begging ONE to save me.
The man finally took his hands out of my pants and said that he hadn't found a weiner in my clothes, bt he had found a weiner in his. He unzipped his pants and pulled out a big white penis. "Touch it!" he commanded. I refused and screamed louder. He told me to be quiet and do as he asked and then he would take me right home. I refused. He took my hand, forced my fist open, and made me stroke the big white penis.
I knew I was dead. Why hadn't I obeyed the voices I had heard. Please ONE, Please ONE, I'll do anything, just let me get home!
The man put his pants together and said that he would take me home, that I had been a good girl and had found the weiner.
He took me across the street from my house, took the groceries amd my little dog out of the back seat and gave them to me, then he told me I'd better be quiet about our game because my mother would beat me for being a bad girl.
I stumbled across the street, and went in the door of the house; my mother started screaming at me for taking so long and I'd better go help Charley or there would be no dinner for us that night. Charley was vacuuming and I told him what had happened. He told me never to tell anyone else because I would just get a beating, and from now on never get in a car with a stranger. I didn't find the courage to tell my parents for a whole year. We were living in Long Beach by then and I told them just as daddy was going to leave and go back to his new job. My parents were shocked and called the police in Pasadena. I gave the police a very detailed description of the man and his car, I can still give the description today, but they never found him, it was too late.
Tomorrow Ann is a few years older, 11, when a jockey at a race track abuses her...
THE GOD GAMES: Heaven & Hell...Chapter 18...(HELL)
My pastor used to say the oddest things. He said that ONE would never let a man go to the moon, that we were all and forever, Earthbound. He said that television was a sin and that ONE would destroy the people who made television. Also dancing was a sin; and makeup; and earrings; and boys would always lead you astray. I hadn't a clue as to what he was saying, but all the negatives didn't sound like the ONE I knew, so I tuned him out. The pastor asked us how we knew that ONE loved us. I said because you could feel him loving you in your heart. The pastor said the way we knew was because it said so in the Bible. I wondered if he had ever heard ONE telling him that He loved him in his heart, and if not, why was he a preacher at all. As I've said, I have always been a rebel.
Since we moved so much, I couldn't go to the Brethren Church, so instead I spent most of my youth in the Baptist Church and going to Youth for Christ. I taught Sunday School to the little children and played the piano in Junior Sunday School. I would beg my mother to go to church with me but both she and my dad had a more pressing religion; Horse Racing. It consumed almost all of their time handicapping the races and then making bets with their bookies. They seemed to do very well. It was the Racing Form that was the Bible in our house. I got back at them by carrying my Bible everywhere I went, even in school. I guess that's the reason I was the Bible Club President.
Anyway, if one of the religions had had the foresight to teach me about talking to strangers, I would have been much better off in life. However, they, nor my parents, didn't.
I was nine years old and we had been working on the house all day. Mother had a craving for a bacon and tomatoe sandwich so she said to go to the grocery store, about six blocks away, and to hurry because it was going to get dark soon. I grabbed one of my stuffed animals, a purple dog, to keep me company, and started out. I got the groceries and as I left the store I could see that it was indeed getting dark, but I wasn't too scared.
As I was walking down the street I heard a small voice telling me to run and hide. "Run and hide, Ann!" it said, but I ignored the voice and thought I was just hearing things. Suddenly a car stopped next to me and a man asked me for directions to Christmas Tree Lane (we lived in Pasadena at the time). I told him it was three blocks straight ahead and then a left turn. The car moved forward a little more, and then stopped and a pleasant looking man got out of the car and said, "It looks like you have a lot of groceries to carry; if you could show me were Christmas Tree Lane is I would then give you a lift home."
Being totally naive, I said, "sure." He helped me get into the car and put the groceries and my stuffed dog into the back seat behind me, and then we started to drive. I directed him to Christmas Tree Lane and he turned onto it and then said, "Would you like to play a game? It's called 'Find the Wiener'." I said, "Please, I just want to go home." By then I had begun to pray, but I thought maybe if I played his game he would take me home.
He said the way the game was played is that I look in your pocket for a weiner, and if I can't find it, then you look in my pocket for a weiner, and we play the game until we find the weiner.
He looked in my jacket pocket and couldn't find the weiner, so he had me look in his jacket pocket and I couldn't find it. Next he looked in my pants pocket and couldn't find the weiner, so then he wanted me to look in his pants pocket for a weiner. I began to panic. I didn't want to look in his pocket at all. I thought about jumping out of the car but the groceries and my dog were in the back seat, where I couldn't reach them, and if I went home without the groceries I would be beat, so I stayed in the car and prayed harder. He took my hand and forced it into his pants pocket; there was no weiner there.
Then he put his hands down my pants and began to feel my personal parts. I was terrified and afraid I was about to die. I stared crying and screaming, and I was begging ONE to save me.
The man finally took his hands out of my pants and said that he hadn't found a weiner in my clothes, bt he had found a weiner in his. He unzipped his pants and pulled out a big white penis. "Touch it!" he commanded. I refused and screamed louder. He told me to be quiet and do as he asked and then he would take me right home. I refused. He took my hand, forced my fist open, and made me stroke the big white penis.
I knew I was dead. Why hadn't I obeyed the voices I had heard. Please ONE, Please ONE, I'll do anything, just let me get home!
The man put his pants together and said that he would take me home, that I had been a good girl and had found the weiner.
He took me across the street from my house, took the groceries amd my little dog out of the back seat and gave them to me, then he told me I'd better be quiet about our game because my mother would beat me for being a bad girl.
I stumbled across the street, and went in the door of the house; my mother started screaming at me for taking so long and I'd better go help Charley or there would be no dinner for us that night. Charley was vacuuming and I told him what had happened. He told me never to tell anyone else because I would just get a beating, and from now on never get in a car with a stranger. I didn't find the courage to tell my parents for a whole year. We were living in Long Beach by then and I told them just as daddy was going to leave and go back to his new job. My parents were shocked and called the police in Pasadena. I gave the police a very detailed description of the man and his car, I can still give the description today, but they never found him, it was too late.
Tomorrow Ann is a few years older, 11, when a jockey at a race track abuses her...
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